User Tag List

First 2345 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 42

  1. #31
    Pumpernickel
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    1,960

    Default

    Yeah, when people tell me I'm something along the lines of "sweet" I just want to punch them in the face.


    I think the problem with this in general is that when someone compliments you out of the blue and it just so happens to be on something that is a less significant part of your personality (and maybe a rarer side), you just get this instant realization that they don't really know anything about you at all and that maybe you don't project your true personality to people.

    Which is probably not the case at all, and the compliment may very well be true and you may very well be flattered by this compliment in another situation. Still, if they're going to compliment you ONCE and THAT is what they're going to say, then it'll inevitable make the person feel like you don't understand them at all.

  2. #32
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,460

    Default

    i'll compliment people based on what i think they need. i'll compliment them to get more information about them. i'll compliment them based on their typological settings. i'll compliment people bc i like them. i'll compliment people bc i don't feel like being a crotchety old man. i'll compliment them to make them more receptive to a potential suggestion (usually about something i think they might like to do or that might open up new options for them that they don't see or won't see bc they're too fixated on a specific value judgment). i'll compliment people to draw positive attention to something that they may not be aware of that may help them recognize something productive about themselves, their desires, their direction, their values. i'll compliment them to show that i recognize them.

  3. #33
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    1,087

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I do think you need to be careful what you compliment (or even put down) because people value different things. Until you know what they value it's hard to make a worthwhile comment about them.
    Thisi s why I am so bad at giving compliments. I always second guess: 'What will they think if I say they act cute? Or that they have very pretty eyes? I know I'm just saying what I see, but that isn't my 'norm' and people might notice that and think I have some ulterior motive!' Sometimes I wish it were easier to just up and DO it. ExxPs got it good

    I can give compliments easily when someone does something well. Something like: 'Woah, that's the best Captain Falcon voice I've heard. Seriously.' It's something that can't be taken the wrong way very easily. I generally compliment people when I think of it, my Fe isn't readily available like with most FJs so complimenting isn't the most natural thing for me to do, but I do find that I have been complimenting people more nowadays that even a couple years ago.

    I'm usually surprised when I received a compliment, I mentally backpedal and think 'Wait what? Usually I'm called annoying!' If the compliment was praising something I am proud of or acknowledge in myself, I feel good about it. Otherwise I just wonder what people see in me.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  4. #34

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    Thisi s why I am so bad at giving compliments. I always second guess: 'What will they think if I say they act cute? Or that they have very pretty eyes? I know I'm just saying what I see, but that isn't my 'norm' and people might notice that and think I have some ulterior motive!' Sometimes I wish it were easier to just up and DO it. ExxPs got it good
    hehe, I wouldn't be so sure. I second guess plus don't want to say anything that I don't think is purely true or represents it right. So the honest compliments always feel like they aren't getting there or are corny and the ones to be nice that I don't believe make me cringe. Like often I really like things about people and think very highly of them, but I have a lot of trouble saying it, because I don't it want to mean nothing or be a whatever thing. If I think I can't get the message across clearly I ponder it too much then don't say it.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  5. #35
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Posts
    951

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Well the OP isn't really about the sincerity of compliments, there are plenty of threads around about that.

    Honestly, people that are generally suspicious of being given a compliment I tend to connect that to trust and self-security issues.
    Yeah. Compliments are given so rarely they are like gold. Even the girl in your OP, she is still sounding out the compliment and making a point of it.
    ~ Truth ~ Freedom ~ Health ~ Love ~ Communication ~ Humor ~ Respect ~

  6. #36
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    How often we (against our own feelings) compliment others due to (current) societal pressures to care about everyone and support self esteem actually destroys what the compliment was originally intended to mean.

    Somehow American Sarcarsm plays into this, but I will have to think on that more.

    When we compliment people who don't deserve it (probably like 90% of compliments), we drain the compliment (what the compliment means in our society) of all meaning. It's like cursing too much which saps the word of all meaning.

    I think we would be better off if we could stop assuming that everyone is going to hurt us, and just be honest.

  7. #37
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    584

    Default

    In the situation described in the OP, if I was thinking of that particular characteristic and thinking it was a good thing, and wanted to compliment her, I'd also be aware of current trends in opinions and aspirations among her peers, social group, etc, so I'd find a way to word it that made it chime in positively with those trends. I wouldn't have said it in the way it was said to her, because I'd have known that pretty much most women these days are not going to take that as a compliment.

    You can make character compliments and it can be a very effective way of encouraging and affirming people. But you've got to have the instincts to do it right, or you just come off as either patronising or sucking up.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  8. #38
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Sometimes you just wonder if certain words are code for something else. I've had people call me reserved before, which, as an introvert, and particularly in social situations that I'd rather not be in, I am. But I hear it as "boring."

    "Dependable" is another one like that. You're like, "That's the best compliment you can come up with?" I'd say "docile" would definitely fall in the backhanded compliment category.

    Sometimes you have to cut people slack, though, because their intentions are good, and maybe that wasn't the exact word they wanted, anyway. A lot of people aren't hung up on word precision, anyway.
    Something Witty

  9. #39
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    584

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Sometimes you just wonder if certain words are code for something else. I've had people call me reserved before, which, as an introvert, and particularly in social situations that I'd rather not be in, I am. But I hear it as "boring."
    If I said somebody was reserved, it wouldn't be a compliment or an insult, just a neutral observation. It's up to them whether they like that description or not - if they feel insulted by it, maybe they should try to be it less... *shrug*

    "Dependable" is another one like that. You're like, "That's the best compliment you can come up with?"
    Well, you might not value that in a person very much, or in yourself, but I can tell you, after years of being at the mercy of flaky types, an ounce of dependability in a person is worth its weight in gold to me, and if I said it of someone it'd be a very sincere compliment.

    Sometimes you have to cut people slack, though, because their intentions are good, and maybe that wasn't the exact word they wanted, anyway. A lot of people aren't hung up on word precision, anyway.
    That's certainly true... NTP's do get quite anal about things like that, and miss the intention and feeling behind it, which is most important after all.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  10. #40
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    836

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Sometimes you just wonder if certain words are code for something else. I've had people call me reserved before, which, as an introvert, and particularly in social situations that I'd rather not be in, I am. But I hear it as "boring."
    Heh. I'm more or less neutral about the word 'reserved', but I have my share of words with similar meanings that I hate to hear. I've always hated 'shy' (though I don't get that much anymore) and 'quiet'. Seems like I'm being called boring, bland, dull, passive, barely noticeable.

    The term 'good listener' has been bothering me lately. I do think good listening, truly good listening in which people really try to hear and understand each other, is important, and people could certainly use more of it in the world. It seems that to be called a 'good listener' though, all you have to do is not talk. You don't need to be genuinely interested or even paying much attention. So being called a 'good listener' seems like being told, "You are so good at sitting there like a lump and not saying anything! Your lack of contribution makes me feel fascinating in comparison!"

    People tend to assume quieter types are 'good listeners' or 'nice' even if there's nothing that really indicates this. There was an amusing blurb on The Onion about this a few years ago: Quiet Guy Mistaken for Nice Guy. So these remarks always feel like non-compliments to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Well, you might not value that in a person very much, or in yourself, but I can tell you, after years of being at the mercy of flaky types, an ounce of dependability in a person is worth its weight in gold to me, and if I said it of someone it'd be a very sincere compliment.
    That does sound like a very good compliment, when you say all that. Maybe disclosing a bit about why you value something in someone else helps minimize misunderstanding. It might also help someone see why some behaviour or trait might be valuable, even if (s)he's never seen it that way.

Similar Threads

  1. How many people use the Live new Posts?
    By raz in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 04-14-2016, 07:42 PM
  2. Famous people and characters that remind you of members of this site
    By The Great One in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 08-05-2015, 01:16 PM
  3. What Typing Methods Do People Use?
    By BlackDog in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-29-2014, 07:01 PM
  4. Replies: 60
    Last Post: 09-27-2014, 08:08 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO