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  1. #21
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    I've found that insults only work if they are honest and you REALLY mean them.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    For me at least, the only way for compliments to really work is if I REALLY mean them.
    It's the same for me as well. But I've also noticed that words do not do justice sometimes. I feel a lot more than my words are able to convey.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I've found that insults only work if they are honest and you REALLY mean them.
    I've found that sometimes even a pretty insignificant word that might not even be true said in passing hurts more than a monologue intended to insult people.

  3. #23
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    The truth can hurt.

    But I'd rather hear it, and be stronger for it, than live on in the delusion that I'm more awesome than I am.

  4. #24
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    But I'd rather hear it, and be stronger for it, than live on in the delusion that I'm more awesome than I am.
    I'm going to label you the "Almost-Hustler" now...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #25
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post

    It seems to me that giving a character compliment, i.e. "You're a generous person," tends to strike gold more often than "I like your shoes" but when you give a character compliment that contradicts someone's concept of self, you backfire horribly.
    Spot on.

  6. #26
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    I think a really good compliment is hard to do. Most compliments have ulterior motives (not that that's a bad thing, necessarily, it's just not a real compliment). I think most people are either suspicious of compliments or just plain uncomfortable getting them -- so it makes complimenting people an even tougher thing to do. About the only compliment worth getting is the one we really know we deserve -- something we've achieved that someone else understands what it's like to achieve. Unfortunately, how often is that going to happen?

  7. #27
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Well the OP isn't really about the sincerity of compliments, there are plenty of threads around about that.

    Honestly, people that are generally suspicious of being given a compliment I tend to connect that to trust and self-security issues.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #28
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    I can't bare the thought of saying something nice about someone (even if it's about their shoes, hair, or kid), if I don't really mean it. It's like vomit in my mouth.

    I have to feel it from within. Otherwise, it's like committing a sin to myself.
    yep....it's awful too. i can't even say something nice about someone's kid if i don't mean it.

    i do the polite thing and say nothing at all.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yep....it's awful too. i can't even say something nice about someone's kid if i don't mean it.

    i do the polite thing and say nothing at all.
    My mom told me that if a baby is ugly, then you just say it is "precious" because all babies are precious. I personally find most babies ugly; thank goodness for ISFJ mom etiquette.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #30
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well i think most babies are beautiful but some lil kids drive me bonkers. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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