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  1. #1
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Default When people forget what they do to you

    If someone offends you and you become mentally disturbed for a while what do you do/think/feel if you realise the one who has offended you has totally forgotten about the incident as if it never happened?

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I would say something stupid like "An elephant never forgets" and then do the "Butch Scene" from Pulp Fiction
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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  4. #4
    Pumpernickel
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    I think it would be extremely advantageous, as they would not suspect the revenge I had been carefully planning for them.

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    If I bring it up with them and they've either forgotten or don't seem to grasp why the issue was so big to me, I realize they don't really have the capacity to get it.

    At that point, I only invest more if it's a primary relationship (e.g., family), and even then, sometimes I just draw boundaries and don't go past them anymore.

    I mean, if you are just going to get hurt and you sense there's no way to negotiate your needs with them, there's not many other options are there?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
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    I think that this is were the vast majority of human conflict comes from.

    Miscommunication.

    Often 2 people just misunderstand each other, and if they actually explained their positions, there would be no argument in the first place.

  7. #7
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Then, what I have experienced, is if the person is an Ni user, and the past is largely an irrelevant triviality, and it's like what's wrong with you for "holding on to that"? And then Fi users as observers who feel you must just learn from it and move on because it's 'not good for you".
    That makes me think, so what, can one person do anything they want to someone and expect to get away with it is they are able to escape through the passage of time?
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  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Often 2 people just misunderstand each other, and if they actually explained their positions, there would be no argument in the first place.
    Theoretically that makes sense, and it was my initial operating perspective...

    .... but over the last twenty years, I've had to deal enough with family and some others where it doesn't matter what I explain, they lack the capacity to get it. Seriously. Either their worldview is so entrenched, they can't get outside of it; or they're screwed up and they can't get past their baggage; or they just don't have the imagination or brain power to do a lot of complex thinking.

    And that is no bust on them, they just don't get it; any cordial relationship I have had with them has been based on both of our willingnesses to maintain the relationship and not demand understanding as a requirement.

    So there IS that... to listen, accept, and try to accommodate even if you don't get why the other person is upset.

    ... but there are still places I now know it's not worth going with them.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Theoretically that makes sense, and it was my initial operating perspective...

    .... but over the last twenty years, I've had to deal enough with family and some others where it doesn't matter what I explain, they lack the capacity to get it. Seriously. Either their worldview is so entrenched, they can't get outside of it; or they're screwed up and they can't get past their baggage; or they just don't have the imagination or brain power to do a lot of complex thinking.

    And that is no bust on them, they just don't get it; any cordial relationship I have had with them has been based on both of our willingnesses to maintain the relationship and not demand understanding as a requirement.

    So there IS that... to listen, accept, and try to accommodate even if you don't get why the other person is upset.

    ... but there are still places I now know it's not worth going with them.
    This seems like it will be my experience as I age as well.

    However, I hope I keep enough faith in people so that I can still be impressed by the good in us.

    I will say that having an open mind is one of the biggest barriers to entry in having a relationship with me. You must be willing to accept that everyone is wrong sometimes, even you.

    Everyone thinks that their truth is the only truth. They don't see that, just as your truth is true for you, her truth is true for her.

    Many just want to foist their "truth" on the unwilling.

  10. #10
    That chalkboard guy Matthew_Z's Avatar
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    I'm fine with people forgetting past offenses. The past is the past. Forgiveness is a nice thing, anyways. However, I'm bothered when people mentally replace past offenses with pleasant memories. Perhaps it's the presumptuousness involved in assuming they know how I felt and should have felt. It undermines the person-to-person relationship in that one person does not take the fullest input from the other, as if the other was not there. Fabrication is for the enchanting and enchanted world of fiction, not reality.

    (obligatory, "Reality is Fiction")
    If a deaf INFP falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

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