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When people forget what they do to you

Oaky

Travelling mind
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If someone offends you and you become mentally disturbed for a while what do you do/think/feel if you realise the one who has offended you has totally forgotten about the incident as if it never happened?
 

entropie

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I would say something stupid like "An elephant never forgets" and then do the "Butch Scene" from Pulp Fiction :D
 

Oaky

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^ :D Haha 'course you would.
 

JustHer

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I think it would be extremely advantageous, as they would not suspect the revenge I had been carefully planning for them.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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If I bring it up with them and they've either forgotten or don't seem to grasp why the issue was so big to me, I realize they don't really have the capacity to get it.

At that point, I only invest more if it's a primary relationship (e.g., family), and even then, sometimes I just draw boundaries and don't go past them anymore.

I mean, if you are just going to get hurt and you sense there's no way to negotiate your needs with them, there's not many other options are there?
 

DiscoBiscuit

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I think that this is were the vast majority of human conflict comes from.

Miscommunication.

Often 2 people just misunderstand each other, and if they actually explained their positions, there would be no argument in the first place.
 

Eric B

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Then, what I have experienced, is if the person is an Ni user, and the past is largely an irrelevant triviality, and it's like what's wrong with you for "holding on to that"? And then Fi users as observers who feel you must just learn from it and move on because it's 'not good for you".
That makes me think, so what, can one person do anything they want to someone and expect to get away with it is they are able to escape through the passage of time?
 

Totenkindly

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Often 2 people just misunderstand each other, and if they actually explained their positions, there would be no argument in the first place.

Theoretically that makes sense, and it was my initial operating perspective...

.... but over the last twenty years, I've had to deal enough with family and some others where it doesn't matter what I explain, they lack the capacity to get it. Seriously. Either their worldview is so entrenched, they can't get outside of it; or they're screwed up and they can't get past their baggage; or they just don't have the imagination or brain power to do a lot of complex thinking.

And that is no bust on them, they just don't get it; any cordial relationship I have had with them has been based on both of our willingnesses to maintain the relationship and not demand understanding as a requirement.

So there IS that... to listen, accept, and try to accommodate even if you don't get why the other person is upset.

... but there are still places I now know it's not worth going with them.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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Theoretically that makes sense, and it was my initial operating perspective...

.... but over the last twenty years, I've had to deal enough with family and some others where it doesn't matter what I explain, they lack the capacity to get it. Seriously. Either their worldview is so entrenched, they can't get outside of it; or they're screwed up and they can't get past their baggage; or they just don't have the imagination or brain power to do a lot of complex thinking.

And that is no bust on them, they just don't get it; any cordial relationship I have had with them has been based on both of our willingnesses to maintain the relationship and not demand understanding as a requirement.

So there IS that... to listen, accept, and try to accommodate even if you don't get why the other person is upset.

... but there are still places I now know it's not worth going with them.

This seems like it will be my experience as I age as well.

However, I hope I keep enough faith in people so that I can still be impressed by the good in us.

I will say that having an open mind is one of the biggest barriers to entry in having a relationship with me. You must be willing to accept that everyone is wrong sometimes, even you.

Everyone thinks that their truth is the only truth. They don't see that, just as your truth is true for you, her truth is true for her.

Many just want to foist their "truth" on the unwilling.
 

Matthew_Z

That chalkboard guy
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I'm fine with people forgetting past offenses. The past is the past. Forgiveness is a nice thing, anyways. However, I'm bothered when people mentally replace past offenses with pleasant memories. Perhaps it's the presumptuousness involved in assuming they know how I felt and should have felt. It undermines the person-to-person relationship in that one person does not take the fullest input from the other, as if the other was not there. Fabrication is for the enchanting and enchanted world of fiction, not reality.

(obligatory, "Reality is Fiction")
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
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yeah i forget easily. if i was pissed off, i would have started a fist fight already and would have settled it, so i left the turnable stones already unturned for a reason.

but the times someone said to me "Remember when you said this to me...xxx, it traumatized me" and if it was bad, i say sorry.

but most of the time these traumatizing comments were something along the line of " If you lost weight, I would totally want you to be my gf" or something like that. lolz traumatizing shock, instead of traumatizing anger i guess... haha
 

PoprocksAndCoke

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I tend to forgive but never never ever never ever never ever ever ever ever ever ever forget.
 

Atomic Fiend

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If you didn't respond as soon as he offended you, really there's not much you can do.

Don't forget about it, and next time you have an argument you can be one of those people who cites an event that happened months ago, and how much of a dick they were to you.
 

Jaguar

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As Al Pacino said in The Devil's Advocate: "They don't see me coming."
 

Tamske

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I'm sorry.
I was probably the one who offended you without realizing I did.
Now, what did I do wrong? I'll make amends if I can.

On the flip side of the coin, I don't take offence as easily myself and if I do, I'll probably forget about it in a jiffy. I can even be surprised when someone offers excuses, eg:
"Oh, I'm sorry about what I said last night - I'm worried I've hurt your feelings."
"What? What did you say last night? About the chicken that wasn't cooked thoroughly? That was helpful, not hurtful!"
 

Kasper

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Moved from MBTI.

Why does it matter if they remember? Do you need acknowledgement, an apology, remorse? I say focus on you and your reaction, that's all that you have control over, get that in order first and then if it's important for the other person to understand, talk about it with them, but deal with your reaction first, you need to own that.
 

Tamske

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Don't forget about it, and next time you have an argument you can be one of those people who cites an event that happened months ago, and how much of a dick they were to you.
I totally hate it when people do this to me! We're talking about *this* now, not about *that* what happened months ago.
Having been wrong previously doesn't prevent me from being right now. Stick to the argument, please.
 
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