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  1. #1
    Member mtaclof's Avatar
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    Default Ask psych questions of a drug-addict(just hit 3 weeks clean)

    So I figured I could help a lot of people here who have questions about impulsivity, risk/reward decision-making, habitual behavior, etc...
    Background info: 5 year opiate user, physically addicted to oral morphine from april-august, "upgraded" to IV heroin from august-october. Quit toward the end of october(90+% chance of relapse, according to precedent). I just wanted to offer people a chance to ask questions of someone who has a severe problem that's not often willing to speak candidly about it.
    Forget your inhibitions, I'll answer it all.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Well, what does the stuff do for you that makes you want to take it? Numbness never had appeal to me.

    And, does me asking that question not help your situation, because now you're thinking about why you liked it so much?
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  3. #3
    Member mtaclof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    Well, what does the stuff do for you that makes you want to take it? Numbness never had appeal to me.

    And, does me asking that question not help your situation, because now you're thinking about why you liked it so much?
    I'm always thinking about it so much. That's a result of years of use and a serious period of more-than-daily abuse. Don't worry about any question negatively influencing me, it wont, it's the constant craving I have to be wary of.
    As for the effects of opiates, it's the euphoria that got me into it, and the elimination of all unpleasantness(anxiety/pain) that kept me using. It was enough fun for me to use 1-4 times a month for 4 years. However, the actual addiction occured after I lost control for a bit and became a complete hedonist, using morphine daily for about 4 weeks. I stopped, and became sick from withdrawal. This drove me to the most extreme anxiety and discomfort I've ever experienced, and I knew that a cure was only a swallow away. This is what caused me to fear not having the drug, and caused me to seek out a constant supply. Eventually, after many weeks of daily use, I didn't get any euphoria anymore, and very little anxiolytic(anxiety-relieving) effects. At this point I decided I needed to get a needle involved to increase the feelings I felt. It took barely 10 weeks of doing this to get to the point where I felt very little from needle use, other than a general disorientation that was noticeable enough to get my fired from my job(which I had for 4+ years and was my only means of support). At this point I held out for 3 weeks, scrounging up cash via dealing/stealing(from department stores, not people). After I realized I was getting no positive effects and that I couldn't keep it up if I wanted, I called my family for help and got out of the situation. Even today I still feel a ridiculous drive to use, but my desire for all other drugs(which I've used rather extensively for the past 8 years) is gone.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Funny how we can get so risk aversive for one thing (like discomfort) that we will take drastic, irrational measures to avoid it. I've done the same, in less extreme measures, I suppose, but the pattern is the same.

    Good info.

    Good luck.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  5. #5
    Summer laintpe's Avatar
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    How did it start? Curiosity? Morphine for an injury? etc. What was your stance on drugs before you started taking them?
    [B]Ti=Ne>Ni>Fe>Te=Fi>Si>Se

    LII

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    Quote Originally Posted by laintpe
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    Ideally I'll be the woman

  6. #6
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    What is helping you stay clean right now?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #7
    Member mtaclof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laintpe View Post
    How did it start? Curiosity? Morphine for an injury? etc. What was your stance on drugs before you started taking them?
    My attitude toward drug use was extremely negative when I was 12, and it middled as I became older and developed an objective attitude toward things. The first target was fearmongered subjects, and drugs fit that bill. At that point(12 y.o.) my type was undoubtedly INTP. By the time I was 14 I had an open mind and was likely classed as ENTP. I took other points of view into account far more and thought that if it worked for some, it could work for me, and if it didn't, I was such a superpower that I'd simply resist and drop it.
    This was wrong, my pattern of use followed as such:
    14 - weed, alcohol
    15 - amphetamines(also methylphenidate), dextromethorphan
    16 - hallucinogens(2c-i, lots of DXM)
    17 - Opiates(hydrocodone, oxycodone), Cocaine
    18 - way more opiates and weed
    19 - heroin, crack, mushrooms
    20+ - everything else, ecstasy, acid, morphine, fentanyl, etc...

    I'll be 23 in January now, and this is the first period of sobriety I've had since I turned 15 lasting over 2 weeks.
    I still view drugs positively in some ways, but I understand that progression is inevitable for most, especially if you mess with opiates.

  8. #8
    Member mtaclof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    What is helping you stay clean right now?
    My inability to get opiates(I moved from New Hampshire to Virginia to get away). Also, the need to keep up my appearance with my family. Honestly speaking, there's not a lot other than that keeping me from using. I would accept free heroin right now if someone passed me the dope, even though it hurts to admit it. I'm hoping that buprenorphine therapy allows me to find an acceptable and minimally harmful substitute, so I can quit when I truly feel ready to handle the challenges presented.

  9. #9
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtaclof View Post
    My inability to get opiates(I moved from New Hampshire to Virginia to get away). Also, the need to keep up my appearance with my family. Honestly speaking, there's not a lot other than that keeping me from using. I would accept free heroin right now if someone passed me the dope, even though it hurts to admit it. I'm hoping that buprenorphine therapy allows me to find an acceptable and minimally harmful substitute, so I can quit when I truly feel ready to handle the challenges presented.
    Since you were using from such an early age, do you think there are underlying anxieties you might be able to address that might mitigate some of the feelings driving the need to escape?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #10
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Also, good luck with the work you're doing. Thanks for sharing.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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