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  1. #21
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nunki View Post
    I don't think I'm worth it on one level, and on another level, I'm more comfortable having no friends. That's my choice, and I'll have to take the consequences for it.
    Literally, none at all? Not a single person in your life who loves or cares about you?

    If there is even just one, then think how insulting your attitude is to them, though doubtless you don't mean it to be or realise that it is. Just a thought.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  2. #22
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Literally, none at all? Not a single person in your life who loves or cares about you?

    If there is even just one, then think how insulting your attitude is to them, though doubtless you don't mean it to be or realise that it is. Just a thought.
    I'm exaggerating slightly when I say I have no friends. I have a few family members with whom I share warm, if shallow connections. I also have a couple of online friends . . . whom I talk to about once every two months, because I never have anything to discuss.

    This is where I am, and I'm here because I put myself here. I didn't have to, nor does anyone else.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  3. #23
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    I often hear people saying that, who are actually loved and understood by more people than they realise. Maybe if they focused externally from time to time, rather than on their own "inner pain", then they might notice it

    Obviously, since I don't know you, I don't know whether that applies to you, and you'd probably say it doesn't anyway. But it's just something I notice happening a lot. Like a guy I know who believes himself to be "alone in the world", who went to hospital recently and was shocked to find out that several different people visited him, every day, and rallied to support him. Didn't stop him retreating back into his "world of pain" again though, within a couple of weeks of coming out of hospital
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Interesting choice of words .. So which is it? Might or will!!!

    People who have someone's best interests at heart do so as a selfless act.

    If i sympathise/empathise with a situation brought to my attention, as a friend i will help you to the best of my ability. If that means you become a better person and we are no longer have as much in common .. Then i bid you farewell and wish you the best of luck in your future .. What kind of friend would want to hold someone back?

    Hmmmm.
    If the first is true, the second will also be true, hence, might then will (I used it quite unconciously though).

    The mentality might attract either sympathy or meaness. Subject goes from feeling wounded/ rejected to feeling validated/ soothed - the contrast feels good - which would reinforce his insecurity, but intepreted as evidence of the ideal friendship. The mentality will be self-reinforcing and hard to get rid of, even by well-intentioned, sympathetic friends.

    @saslou: NP, not sure if this is entirely right but from personal experience, the thought process can develop along those lines.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krunchtime View Post
    If the first is true, the second will also be true, hence, might then will (I used it quite unconciously though).

    The mentality might attract either sympathy or meaness. Subject goes from feeling wounded/ rejected to feeling validated/ soothed - the contrast feels good - which would reinforce his insecurity, but intepreted as evidence of the ideal friendship. The mentality will be self-reinforcing and hard to get rid of, even by well-intentioned, sympathetic friends.
    OK .. Well thank you for explaining that.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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