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  1. #11
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Hmm... from my experience of being socially anxious, if I look at it closely and compare it to times when I've *not* felt anxious in the company of others, there seems a clear pattern.

    I'm anxious when I'm thinking about myself and worrying about myself. I'm not, when I'm focusing mainly on the external environment around me and the people in it. Partly because I can't do both at the same time, so I can't worry and obsess over what image or impression I'm making at the same time as making a conscious effort to observe the mental and emotional states of others. And partly because once I do make that effort, I realise that my fears were unfounded, largely.

    So there's my advice on losing the social anxiety. If you wait 'til you've totally accepted yourself, it'll be a long time before you get out there. Part of the problem is that you're too focused on yourself, to begin with. So I'd say the first step is to STOP thinking about yourself, and focus on the world around you instead.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  2. #12
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    for goodness sakes just stop smoking if you are, drinking caffeine and sugar. the end!
    oh and do realise this is an adrenal related issue which aptly ties in with thyroid health.
    do look at this matrix for further clarification.

    11. I find that most cases of anxiety are due to adrenal causes. The typical condition is not severe enough to be picked up with standard test which are designed only to pick up the most severe adrenal fatigue. As the individual is heading in that direction, the standard blood tests will not pick up this transition but the symptoms become quite noticeable with anxiety, cold hands or cold intolerance, poor and/or un-refreshing sleep heading the list of probable symptoms.
    and remember magnesium, zinc and selenium help to detox your bodies toxins, without them you suffer...badly. imagine then that alcohol and fluoride a neurotoxin in tap water do a lovely job of washing away these minerals and hello social anxiety, that's without the help of thimersol and other sources of mercury in fish and heavy metals affecting the body adversely, and meds with fluoride in them...

    you stress and you add to exhausting your adrenal reserves. society eats and drinks sugar like we're made out of plastic...

    Just my bobs worth.

  3. #13
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    Did you read the part about how it worked?
    "Worked" is merely a temporary belief that you happen to hold currently. I can tell from reading the OP, and from the very purpose of this thread, that it didn't work.

    So when you come to that realization . . . take my advice.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    Closer to the second one. I don't do it on purpose though. Its just a habit and I don't see anything necessarily wrong with it in an ideal sense. I think of it this way:

    I'm hard on myself. I beat myself up, I don't believe in myself, etc.
    This will attract people worth my time.

    I'm not hard on myself. I don't beat myself, I believe in myself, etc.
    This will attract people worth my time, plus those who aren't.

    edit: I won't know the difference.
    I'd like to offer an optional perspective on that.

    If you are hard on yourself, beat yourself up, you will lack self-esteem and assertiveness. This might attract people who either sympathise with you or believe that you are a doormat. Both types will reinforce your current worldview and drive you deeper into the cycle of anxiety.

    If you are not hard on yourself, don't beat yourself up, you will radiate confidence and assertiveness. This might attract all types of people, including people you don't particularly click with. But this will also open up your range of options and you are entitled to choose.

    One gives power away, the other empowers you.

    Forgiveness can be a form of empowerment if it allows you to understand and accept a wider range of people.

  5. #15
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    for goodness sakes just stop smoking if you are, drinking caffeine and sugar. the end!
    oh and do realise this is an adrenal related issue which aptly ties in with thyroid health.
    do look at this matrix for further clarification.


    and remember magnesium, zinc and selenium help to detox your bodies toxins, without them you suffer...badly. imagine then that alcohol and fluoride a neurotoxin in tap water do a lovely job of washing away these minerals and hello social anxiety, that's without the help of thimersol and other sources of mercury in fish and heavy metals affecting the body adversely, and meds with fluoride in them...

    you stress and you add to exhausting your adrenal reserves. society eats and drinks sugar like we're made out of plastic...

    Just my bobs worth.
    way to be ignorant, if that were true my anxiety would not have begun in my childhood. And I did not eat a ton of sugar as a kid either we were't allowed sugary cereal and sweets were a treat once in awhile.
    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Hmm... from my experience of being socially anxious, if I look at it closely and compare it to times when I've *not* felt anxious in the company of others, there seems a clear pattern.

    I'm anxious when I'm thinking about myself and worrying about myself. I'm not, when I'm focusing mainly on the external environment around me and the people in it. Partly because I can't do both at the same time, so I can't worry and obsess over what image or impression I'm making at the same time as making a conscious effort to observe the mental and emotional states of others. And partly because once I do make that effort, I realise that my fears were unfounded, largely.

    So there's my advice on losing the social anxiety. If you wait 'til you've totally accepted yourself, it'll be a long time before you get out there. Part of the problem is that you're too focused on yourself, to begin with. So I'd say the first step is to STOP thinking about yourself, and focus on the world around you instead.
    yeah when focus on the world around me i get more anxious.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  6. #16
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    yeah when focus on the world around me i get more anxious.
    No, I mean focus on it, and *keep* focused on it, and interact with it directly. Not focus on it, and then relate what you see back to yourself, and get tied up in knots about it

    I think it's pretty difficult for most introverts to really do this, because it's their ingrained habit to always bring everything back to themselves. That is, you might look and observe, but you then straight away, instinctively, relate it to yourself and interpret it in that way. The extravert would be less likely to do this - they'd more instinctively relate it to other things in the external environment, and not to themselves.

    For example: you see a person approaching you at a wedding reception, with a glass in their hand. They appear to want to talk with you. The introvert's reaction would more likely be to then relate that information back to themselves and say, internally, "what should I do? what do they want of me? what do I think of this person? what's my impression? how might I fail to acquit myself well in this situation? what do I need to do?"

    The extravert is more likely to see them and say to themselves, "Ah, I see they want to talk with me. Their glass is almost empty. Let's go up to the bar and get refills". Or something like that. And beyond that, they don't really say much to themselves - activity within their own head is mostly suspended, while they interact directly with the external stimuli. In that situation, there's little opportunity for self-doubt to enter the equation.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  7. #17
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krunchtime View Post
    I'd like to offer an optional perspective on that.

    If you are hard on yourself, beat yourself up, you will lack self-esteem and assertiveness. This might attract people who either sympathise with you or believe that you are a doormat. Both types will reinforce your current worldview and drive you deeper into the cycle of anxiety.
    Interesting choice of words .. So which is it? Might or will!!!

    People who have someone's best interests at heart do so as a selfless act.

    If i sympathise/empathise with a situation brought to my attention, as a friend i will help you to the best of my ability. If that means you become a better person and we are no longer have as much in common .. Then i bid you farewell and wish you the best of luck in your future .. What kind of friend would want to hold someone back?

    Hmmmm.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #18
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    No, I mean focus on it, and *keep* focused on it, and interact with it directly. Not focus on it, and then relate what you see back to yourself, and get tied up in knots about it

    I think it's pretty difficult for most introverts to really do this, because it's their ingrained habit to always bring everything back to themselves.
    Can't we just stop? Even if we can, does it have to be an encumbrance on our social lives? Are we stuck?

  9. #19
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    Can't we just stop? Even if we can, does it have to be an encumbrance on our social lives? Are we stuck?
    Sure you can, bud - you can do anything you like. But start from a realistic expectation of how hard it's gonna be, and give yourself a reasonable time frame

    Extraverts can also get social anxiety even though they focus externally. Especially ExxP's, who are in uber-perceiving mode most of the time, and therefore likely to take in EVERYTHING of their surroundings... sometimes you spot clues of hostility, distrust or deception towards you that you wish you hadn't noticed at times and which the introvert, being too preoccupied with how uncomfortable or unsure they felt, might not have picked up. And that can make you just as apprehensive, and/or defensive. So it's six of one...

    I'm not helping, am I?
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  10. #20
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    The hardest thing about overcoming social anxiety is to simply want to do it. If you want to overcome your fears badly enough, you'll go out in public, regardless of how frightened it makes you, and slowly master yourself. It's almost inevitable. The problem is that most people don't have the will to get outside their comfort zone--they prefer to be lonely, because their loneliness is their refuge just as much as it is their prison. I understand that, because that's where I am, and the one thing that stops me from overcoming my problem is the simple fact that I don't want to. I don't think I'm worth it on one level, and on another level, I'm more comfortable having no friends. That's my choice, and I'll have to take the consequences for it.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

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