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Thread: Raising Strong Children

  1. #31
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    All people need some degree of confidence before they are able to accept criticism. This means that parents need to supervise carefully and break things down into steps so that a child can experience mostly success. Then they are able to accept constructive criticism in the small areas where they need more guidance. We all need some degree of confidence too before we are able to spend time with people that know more than us without feeling threatened.

    Parental confidence also is important. I think often when parents themselves are insecure, they either project their own fears onto their children and make them insecure as well, or they convey to the children that there will not be acceptance unless the child does well. When a parent is confident, they will also look for the best people available to teach their child. When they are not, they will go for mediocre because they are unsure of the child's abilities or are intimidated by the skill level of the teacher in question.

    One thing I've also found with students that I've had - the parents who are more involved and see themselves as the teacher at home have kids who are much more successful than those who leave the responsibility to the kids before they understand how to go about practicing or breaking down a problem into manageable pieces. Even though there does need to be a handing off of responsibility along the way, I think the process is a gradual one. It involves discussing a plan and then checking in during the practice, or writing down on a chart what was practiced and what specific things the child was working on improving etc until that process is very instinctual and natural. A 10 year old usually has no idea of how to go about breaking the problem into manageable chunks and that is where an adults life experience comes in, regardless of their ability in a particular area.

    When I am teaching kids we do a lot of work on figuring out:

    1) Where am I experiencing trouble?
    2) Which hand is causing the problem, or what skill am I specifically missing?
    3) How could I isolate that skill before reintegrating it into what I am trying to do?
    4) What are several different ways of practicing that skill to make things more interesting?
    5) How can I reintegrate the problem spot into the rest of what I am working on?

  2. #32


    Raising a tough kid means raising them in an atmosphere of safe risk.

    Children are mostly instinctual so it is not that hard to observe the right times to push the kid and the right time to soothe. If the child panics over a task you back off a bit, wait for them to calm down, and logically explain that the task is not as scary as it seems. If the child is not in a state of panic but being a wimp, feel free to challenge it and push them a little.

    Another thing is to place broad boundaries of respect that allow for movement with out over dominating them on details. For instance areas where they can play with or do anything they like, but if you are in the dining room you do not touch. Letting them explore on their own. Letting them complete tasks on their own.

    Today in the pizza shop I told my three year old to wait his turn in line then ask the girl at the counter for a to go box. It took him five times returning to the table before he got it down, but he was the proudest kid when he actually got the ladies attention and came back with one. The whole time we were there he was pressing to go into the small arcade portion, and I told him to wait. Then right as we were walking up to it, a field trip buss of kids swarmed the area and took up every machine. But I just gave my son 50c and said okay have fun. I positioned myself in an area where no one could come in or out without passing by me, knowing the area was secure for him to explore on his own. He got lost in all the big kids for a second then emerged and somehow took over the one game he had been wanting to play. After that I joined him on the game.

    I guess making an atmosphere that is enforced by rules and boundaries, but encouraging the child to explore on their own. If they feel safe they will be confident, and you can guide it from there.

    I guess the best way to create strong kids is to create the illusion that they have choice, freedom, and ability. Most of my parenting goes on behind the scenes. Creating the world he moves through, but allowing him to move at will.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Array LostInNerSpace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    Kids are learning machines. They learn a lot by example. Parents should do as they want their kids to do. Teach them to strive for ever more improvement in whatever they are doing. They will learn the most by thinking for themselves. They should think, How can I do this better? What can I try next time? Teach them to think in questions. Always questioning. Whenever there is an major event in the world ask them why it happened? or Why those people did that? Don't answer the question right away. Let them take it away. Their minds will often do the homework automatically in the background. You can indirectly give them clues.

    Example, you ask a question about something on TV. Later you can point to something else without directly linking it with the question. Then ask similar related questions crafted to teach something new or add a new perspective.

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