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Thread: Have you ever known someone who committed suicide?

  1. #51
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Jennifer, I have to address this. My father (ISTJ) always told us that suicide is selfish. I never really understood it but I have had down times where I thought about it - I ended up getting depression meds. I don't want to leave the people in my life to deal with how hard life is, while actually dealing with my suicide too. Thinking about it being selfish can really get the thoughts off how bad YOUR life is and focus on the people you would be hurting if you did something. It's really not about someone else being selfish to keep you around. It's refocusing your thoughts off yourself. /OT
    That's fine to address it, you are helping to widen the perspective and discussion on it and I think it's a good clarification. In fact, one of the main reasons I didn't kill myself was for my children... so it was a concern for me and actually contributed to my surviving.

    (Ironically INTPc has an ongoing thread on the same topic right now and over there I posted the opposite side of the argument because I felt like people weren't grasping how killing oneself DOES have an impact on others who love them.)

    However, that wasn't my personal experience, and sometimes I think people can be FULLY aware of the impact of their death on others... However, the problem is that the alternatives actually seem far worse.

    I don't always believe that suicide is a purely selfish and irrational decision, I believe that with some people and circumstances it can be a very rational process. And especially if someone feels crushed enough to kill themselves because they've constantly been too worried about the impact of their choices on other people (to the point where they've stopped living in any sense for themselves), then it's cruel to tighten the screws once more by beating them with the same club they have not been able to deal with and that has been killing them already. They need a better reason to keep living, and they need the people who love them to help them work through that issue and lessen the pressure they've been feeling.

    At that point there is usually a communication issue though, since the potential suicider probably is not great at expressing their emotional needs, and the other people are not sure what's going on or how to engage. It's not an easy road.

    One of my brother's youth group leaders he was VERY close to committed suicide years later. My brother was very messed up about it for a long time. I'm sure this guy didn't think anyone cared, but I saw what it did to my brother.
    I'm sorry about your brother. It's especially hard I think when it's someone you look up to or believe in or have made a role model. What do you do with that? Sigh.
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  2. #52
    Was E.laur Array Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    In fact, one of the main reasons I didn't kill myself was for my children... so it was a concern for me and actually contributed to my surviving.
    Same here, actually. My grandma's mother died in surgery when she was 9. Her father and step mother shuffled her off to her grandparents. It still affects her.. she is around 93 years old. You lose all ability to help your children when you die.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I'm sorry about your brother. It's especially hard I think when it's someone you look up to or believe in or have made a role model. What do you do with that? Sigh.
    I think he became more cynical/hardened.

  3. #53
    See Right Through Me Array Bubbles's Avatar
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    I've had friends who wanted to. I only wanted to once, in middle school, purely for dramatic "wouldn't you feel awful if I did that, yes you would, you'd regret everything mean you said to me" kind of reasons. Which I regretfully admitted were stupid. However I haven't yet met someone who wanted to die who died. Or who had a good reason for it, imo.

    INTJ friend wanted to get back at his ex for dumping him. I told him no, that'll get the opposite affect of: "wow, he WAS crazy, glad that ended." Which is exactly something she'd say.

    ENFP friend...she made a big show of it, she wanted attention. I talked to her and suddenly it stopped and she did her hyper happiness mode again. She never brought it up since.

    So no, I haven't, and the people who might've that I met weren't particularly serious.
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  4. #54
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009



    I do understand the mindset of someone who has contemplated it though.

    Not a nice headspace to be in.
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  5. #55
    Reptilian Array Snuggletron's Avatar
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    a couple girls from school, my brothers' grandfather, probably some other people I can't really recall at this time.

    I've had the thoughts myself, but a lot of it was just 'what if'. Had the depression thing pretty much all through high school pretty bad, but I wasn't one to act on it, it just made me very inactive and bitter.

    People who self-injure and have acted on suicidal thoughts kind of blow my mind. The girl I'm dating now self-injured in highschool, which astounded me because she does not seem to be the 'type' people would probably consider to do that. These thoughts could be in anyone, and it's just a matter of how it manifests in them. I also found a notebook with my mom's suicide notes in them, luckily she never went through with it (probably because my nephew was born shortly after). I never told her I found them though.

  6. #56


    An acquaintance of mine committed suicide on New Year's Eve a few years ago. He was 26.

    Nobody saw it coming. His mom said that he had been playing video games in the morning, wrapped up his controller, and said he was going out. He never came home again.

    He had walked to a nearby open space and shot himself in the head.

    He was handsome, entertaining and had a TON of friends, but ultimately, we think that he may have felt alone. He had done a lot of acid in the years previously that left him a little 'off'. He couldn't stay on one track during a conversation, and people teased him a lot for it, though mostly in the usual way friends (especially guys) do. We think that maybe he just felt that he couldn't get his thoughts out, that he couldn't connect with people. Plus his best friend's girlfriend had been pulling his best friend away, making a fit whenever the guys would hang out. The increasing distance between him and his best friend may have been the last straw for him because his best friend may have been the only person who really 'got' him.

    Very sad.

  7. #57
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    Nobody saw it coming.... He was handsome, entertaining and had a TON of friends, but ultimately, we think that he may have felt alone. He had done a lot of acid in the years previously that left him a little 'off'.

    Very sad.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

    Same here - friend of mine moved to a new job and had friends who would have taken care of him if necessary. we also figured out that he felt lonely and isolated depsite having great friends.

  8. #58
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    I sort of do. A friend of mine killed himself driving drunk and many close family and friends think it was because, ironically, his life was getting better. He was on the verge of getting his life on track. Some people think he was afraid of the new responsibilities that came with this change. I think it's possible. In any case, he was a great person and I will always miss him. He was only 23.

    My uncle stopped eating and died as a result as well. However, he was 99 years old, so maybe by the time you're that age who knows how much control over yourself you're still capable of in many cases.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  9. #59


    I know of one guy who went to my high school, and was a year ahead of me. We went to the same college afterward and at that point he was two years ahead of me.

    He was a real intense student...full ride scholarship, was set to graduate as valedictorian that year.

    He was on vacation overseas, I believe, I forget where, with his girlfriend. Apparently, there was really bad fight, and they broke-up. I'm not sure of the details actually. He hung himself.

    Also, I believe he had 4.0 (and basically nobody pulled this off at my university) and he got some news that one of his closest professors was about to give him a B+. Again, I am not clear on this, since rumors were flying around.

    He was a leader of one of the extra-curricular engineering projects I worked on (and that professor mentioned before was a faculty sponsor). I walked into a meeting of the team only to find that there were a lot more people there, and there was a psychologist who wanted to discuss what happened, to make sure none of the rest of us were having similar feelings, or having bad reactions.

    From what I knew of him, he was a really nice guy, but rather intense and ambitious (he was one of the few people who called me a slacker in college..and I got 2 degrees in 3 years of schooling).

    There were rumors, that when he was younger we was rather overweight, and picked on...and that he worked real hard to work off the weight. So maybe his self-esteem suffered...I know personally that being bullied early in school can hurt self-esteem forever.

    Personally, I think the gf thing was what did it. But we'll never know.


    There were two other people from my high-school whose circumstances of death were rather confusing and muddled. I think their deaths may have been due to accidents during self-destructive behavior (IOW ODs)--which is almost like suicide. But here, I know even less.

    I knew both these guys personally as well (one was in my graduating class and we played on the same sports team, another was one year junior and in the same "tech. lab" as me), but it had been a while since I had any iterations with them.


    I have, myself, been suicidal a few times. I really can't even make sense of what was going through my own mind at those times. One of the times was after my break up with my fiance.

    Distorted thinking played a big role. Loss of hope, loss of trust in my ability to do basic things, a feeling of worthlessness, and a belief that my life amounted to nothing were among the thoughts I had.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
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  10. #60
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    I know two people. One was a teenager down the block when I was about 10 or so. He shot himself inside a sleeping bag so there would be less mess for his parents to clean up. I don't know anymore details than that, people were pretty much hung up on the sleeping bag thing.

    The other one was a guy who shot himself in the chest when his girlfriend left him for another guy. The details were murky because she had left him a while back and he had been apparently stalking her before shooting himself.

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