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  1. #31
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethy View Post

    I don't want to continue this exchange, but just know that I found your generalizations about INFJs to be hurtful and offensive.


    That is all. I'll stop now.
    Wow, maybe my INTJ Husband has rubbed off (Toonia behave ) on me because I did not take offense to Splittets comments on INFJ's.

    I am curious as to why you were offended by his/her (gender not specified) comments on INFJ's?

    Splittets if you don't mind my asking, how do you get along with your INFJ Mother? Are you close?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  2. #32
    only bites when provoked
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    INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ, INFP, and INTP are my top picks, in order. It's probably a result of being rare and therefore ending up with a greater share of poor treatment, less understanding from others, greater difficulty interacting with the Sensor majority, etc. ISFJs are included because they seem to be the least-understood Sensor and most similar to the INXXs in many social respects. They're the most likely types to be social outcasts for various reasons and many of the above are commonly victims of abuse and exploitation.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default please don't make me do it...

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    You know how some people make you nervous? One of my teachers does I don't know why but I blush whenever I speak up in the class, all my other classes I'm fine in. One of the major grades is to give a presentation I'm thinking of withdrawing. I have no clue how I'm going to talk in front of the class, especially since i can't talk in the class.
    The weird thing is that I can speak normally in a classroom-style setting or in a meeting (even a big meeting). I can even lead... I just do NOT want to get up to be the focus (only one standing up) unless I absolutely ABSOLUTELY have to (or unless I am forced to). Weird, aren't I?

    I am an endless source of entertainment to my friends who think this quirky stage fright of mine is really funny! I assure you... this isn't funny at all! :steam:

    Oh, and there are people that make me nervous. You know, those good-looking male teachers... they make me blush (mostly because they are so flirty!)
    -Sandy
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  4. #34
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    Well, add me to the INFJs with anxiety. I do think our type may be prone to it, given our Ni-Fe pair. I find mine seems to be generated by my Ni and then carried out by my Fe. It tends to center around social norms & people - anxious if I'm running late, anxious if I don't have set plans, anxious if someone is angry with me, anxious if other people cannot follow through with plans, anxious if I cannot motivate someone else... etc.

    I'm not sure if it would be considered a disorder, but I am definitely prone to it. Uncertainty gives me a lot of anxiety & I have trouble functioning in a not anxious way when things are up in the air & undefined. I'm sure I'm a joy in relationships. Stagnant situations always get me extremely anxious & then I start acting on behalf of my anxiety - which is never good.

    I rarely get full blown panic attacks like my ESTP mother & INFP brother, though. My anxiety tends to be more of a day to day thing.

    Oddly enough, I tend to be really good in a crisis. It's like the things that SHOULD make me anxious don't, but the things that most people take in stride have my stomach in knots.

  5. #35
    Wannabe genius Splittet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Splittets if you don't mind my asking, how do you get along with your INFJ Mother? Are you close?
    Well, the thing with my mother is that she always second-guesses herself, and she asks me a lot for reassurance. Because she constantly does this, it is driving me insane. It’s hard for me to deal with her irrationality, and also the fact that you always need to reassure her more than once. But some times it is interesting to discuss stuff with her, but it’s hard to quit a conversation with her. You often get stuck for an hour, so that’s something I always fear. I don’t feel very close to her.

    When she is out with people she always smiles, when she is home she is often sad though. She works like crazy, and is often tired. She has so high standards … Is the INFJ type the most perfectionist of all?

  6. #36
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    I have anxiety issues in relationships--maybe because of a wild Ni, I don't know. It can get kind of unhealthy if I don't step back and do some self-talk. I feel like a lot of my relationship issues come from childhood abuse and the fear associated with having a sick parent. In any case--it's something I do feel like I have to spend particular effort self-managing and self-soothing lest I become an idiot.

    I also get "good anxiety" about work--the kind where I worry a quite bit about something and it motivates me to have all my bases covered.

    Heh--and the whole "getting up in front of people" anxiety? Not a problem for me at all. I can get up in front of people all day long (and do) without missing a beat.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #37
    Senior Member xNFJiminy's Avatar
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    I imagine INFJs either turn out unusually anxious or unusually stable. Ni has the potential to cause a lot of anticipatory stress, if it is trying to prepare for the future against a backdrop of immediate, more important distractions, or doesn't have enough to go on, or is confused. However, Ni also has the potential to create highly effective coping mechanisms, when it focuses on them.

    I have found Ni very good at spotting irrational thinking processes, figuring out how they came about, and knowing how to reverse the whole system responsible, in ways that aren't related on the surface. Nothing beats Ni for deliberate self-deception, which can be highly beneficial when used properly. I believe it is also Ni that asks 'so what? What does that necessarily mean? What is it really?' to everyday facts, occurrences, assumptions and perceptions. At least, that's what I spend a lot of free thought-time doing, and according to the cognitive functions test Ni is my dominant. It can take years for it to do this in a way that is truly useful to the individual, however, especially if they are avoiding thinking about their problems rather than tackling them.

    For example, I completely cured a severe phobia without the help of any kind of therapist when I eventually got round to voluntarily thinking about it. It was a pretty abstract and novel kind of phobia which traditional methods couldn't cater for and don't even recognise as ultimately being a phobia with phobic mechanisms, so I had no choice but to develop my own treatment plan. Things like that make me very grateful to be NFJ, personally. The potential drawbacks can be worked to your favour.

  8. #38
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNFJiminy View Post
    For example, I completely cured a severe phobia without the help of any kind of therapist when I eventually got round to voluntarily thinking about it. It was a pretty abstract and novel kind of phobia which traditional methods couldn't cater for and don't even recognise as ultimately being a phobia with phobic mechanisms, so I had no choice but to develop my own treatment plan. Things like that make me very grateful to be NFJ, personally. The potential drawbacks can be worked to your favour.
    I've done similar things with myself; although in my case, not exactly phobias, but rather just overall trains/patterns of thoughts, and I've dug deep enough to get to the root issues, tweak them and then..voila...no longer having the issues anymore. ;-) [Not that this is easy by any means, but yeah...I think I know what you're talking about]

    Wait, now that I think about it, I do have a phobia of sorts that I've gotten a handle on. It could have really become extreme, but I nipped it in the bud before it could get to that point.

  9. #39
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Splittet View Post
    Well, the thing with my mother is that she always second-guesses herself, and she asks me a lot for reassurance. Because she constantly does this, it is driving me insane. It’s hard for me to deal with her irrationality, and also the fact that you always need to reassure her more than once. But some times it is interesting to discuss stuff with her, but it’s hard to quit a conversation with her. You often get stuck for an hour, so that’s something I always fear. I don’t feel very close to her.
    I'm sorry to hear that. Two more questions if you don't mind. Are your parents still married? Are you male or female? I am interested because I am an INFJ with three children (2 girls and 1 boy) and I have fairly high standards. I am aware of myself and try very hard not to be such a perfectionist as I don't want my children to resent me the way I resent my mother.
    My Husband is an INTJ and we are very close. He has always understood me and I now have a much better understanding of him thanks to MBTI.
    When she is out with people she always smiles, when she is home she is often sad though. She works like crazy, and is often tired. She has so high standards … Is the INFJ type the most perfectionist of all?
    That's too bad. :sad: It sounds like you do love her, you just can't understand her.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNFJiminy View Post
    For example, I completely cured a severe phobia without the help of any kind of therapist when I eventually got round to voluntarily thinking about it. It was a pretty abstract and novel kind of phobia which traditional methods couldn't cater for and don't even recognise as ultimately being a phobia with phobic mechanisms, so I had no choice but to develop my own treatment plan. Things like that make me very grateful to be NFJ, personally. The potential drawbacks can be worked to your favour.
    I use to be deathly afraid of spiders... but I forced myself into be around them (exposure therapy) without the help of any therapist... and I didn't die!

    Anyway, I am not scared of spiders anymore.
    -Sandy
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