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Thread: Shy People

  1. #1
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Default Shy People

    Why do shy people exist? What exactly causes this in people? It just seems like some people are shy and some people aren't. It doesn't really have to do with extroversion or introversion, at least that is that there isn't a set standard.

    Another thing that I've noticed is that shy people don't really try to change themselves, yet it's obvious that it's much easier to be not shy. I used to be somewhat shy, but I changed myself and it's much better.

    Previously shy people: How did you overcome your shyness?
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    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Hm, most shy people I know DO make efforts to overcome it, including myself. It's just very difficult, and can feel like one step forward, two steps back. I hate when people's advice on shyness is, "Just talk to people and don't feel shy."

    I personally think it is a form of social anxiety, which many things can trigger. I think that introverts may be more prone to shyness also.

    Interesting discussion here, started by Synapse:
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...-stressed.html
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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    Senior Member bighairything's Avatar
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    Although I've always been extroverted, I did used to be extremely shy through until about my mid-twenties, so I agree that shyness is not totally about introversion or extroversion.

    These days I'm very rarely shy, but I don't think I ever consciously did anything to change myself. I just think that as you get older you shed a lot insecurities and anxieties. Life's too short.

    And yes, when you cease to be shy, it is so much better.

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    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    I used to be very shy around new people or in public. Luckily, I overcame that. Nowadays I only have healthy bit of stage fright left instead of the old getting numb trembling with fear thing not being able to speak thing.

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    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Hm, most shy people I know DO make efforts to overcome it, including myself. It's just very difficult, and can feel like one step forward, two steps back. I hate when people's advice on shyness is, "Just talk to people and don't feel shy."

    I personally think it is a form of social anxiety, which many things can trigger. I think that introverts may be more prone to shyness also.

    Interesting discussion here, started by Synapse:
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...-stressed.html
    Agreed with bolded. What do you try to do to overcome shyness exactly that sets you back even more?

    I tried to read that thread but it basically blew over my head.

    Quote Originally Posted by bighairything View Post
    Although I've always been extroverted, I did used to be extremely shy through until about my mid-twenties, so I agree that shyness is not totally about introversion or extroversion.

    These days I'm very rarely shy, but I don't think I ever consciously did anything to change myself. I just think that as you get older you shed a lot insecurities and anxieties. Life's too short.

    And yes, when you cease to be shy, it is so much better.
    How did you overcome it (for the sake of the shy people here)?

    I overcame my shyness by getting more outgoing with people that I was secure with. I got more confident and just basically didn't care about how I was perceived when I took the effort to stop being shy. It didn't take long for this to ooze over into all of my interactions. Most people see me as an extrovert, but I'm clearly introverted.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Despite my extroversion, I grew up painfully shy. I think it's worse to be a shy extrovert, because you're driven to spend time with other people, but it's painful to do because of the self-doubt.

    I think the biggest thing that changed was my realization that other people didn't have all the answers. I suddenly felt free.

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlahBlahNounBlah View Post
    I think the biggest thing that changed was my realization that other people didn't have all the answers. I suddenly felt free.
    It seems like it would work in the reverse. Realizing that others didn't have all of the answers, so that's an excuse to not interact with them.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    There's just alot of triggers that occur when a negative event occurs, reinforcing the mentality that it's better to stay hidden. At least that's from one of the social anxiety perspectives. Until people move out of that habit of assuming horrible scenarios and not caring so much about how others perceive them, it's just going to continue...

    I do think someone mentioned that shy people are less intimidating and therefore serve a purpose in society. It's a social reasons based on 'evolution'

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    How did you overcome it (for the sake of the shy people here)?
    As an INFP, it's easy to get stuck in the Fi Si "loop" (as others have dubbed it), which is allowing past bad experience to confirm or form otherwise irrational fears about social interaction. Of course, that fear leads to awkwardness/avoidance which just makes a cycle of bad experience and confirmed fears.

    Ne can help, because it prompts you to experiment and not be stuck in a rut, but you can also get what I'd call Fi Ne paranoia, which is basically thinking of every possible outcome to an action, including the really awful ones. Any bad past experiences Si will drudge up to confirm these worst-case scenarios.

    INFP idealist perfectionism makes you much harder on yourself than on others, so you can feel like everything you say/do is sooo stupid and that makes you withdraw so as not to "humiliate" yourself. To the shy person, being invisible is less painful than being embarrassed.

    I was reading this page for the billionth time the other day, and it struck how much these simple tips were things I had started doing that helped ease my shyness (I'm less shy than I was when I was younger). Observing people and noticing that most are not particularly smooth or clever made me feel bettter; I put less pressure on myself. I also learned to mimic people in certain ways, which is what a lot of social skills are (learning the culturally accepted ways to act). I always felt like I missed the day of school where they handed out the "how to act in social situations" pamphlet.

    INFP Personal Growth

    These points in particular, as they really stress how not comparing yourself to others, but simply observing, helps to learn to interact more smoothly in social situations:

    - Take care to notice what people look like in different social situations. Look at their hair, their skin, their makeup (or lack thereof), their clothes, the condition of their clothes, their shoes, their facial expressions. Don't compare others to your own appearance, or pass judgment on their appearance, simply take in the information.

    - Think of a situation in your life in which you weren't sure how to behave. Now try to understand how one or two other people would see the situation. Don't compare their behavior to your own, i.e. "she would know better than me what to do", or "why is it so easy for her, but so hard for me". Rather, try to understand how they would see the situation. Would it be seen as a problem, or as an opportunity? Would it be taken seriously or lightly? Try to determine their point of view without passing judgment or comparing it to your own.

    This sums it up well....basically, everyone else is kind of lame also, so it's okay if you are too.
    Quote Originally Posted by BlahBlahNounBlah View Post
    I think the biggest thing that changed was my realization that other people didn't have all the answers. I suddenly felt free.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
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    I think shyness is just a natural growth stage for a lot of people.

    Being shy doesn't hurt anything, in fact silence is often an improvement over what most of us say each and every day. *laughs at self*

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