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Thread: Shy People

  1. #21
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I'm very shy.

    Really! It just doesn't want to show it self, I'm -that- shy.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  2. #22
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    Bad experiences, perceived power of others over yourself, innate lack of self-confidence, need for external validation, need for personal space coupled with perceived lack of power, translating into fear of others encroaching without your express permission.

    While its true that I don't like large crowds, loud noises or rough-housing, I am typically energized by interacting with positive, energetic, imaginative people. On the +i side, I take a longer time to recharge and recover my tranquility. I've always been a bit sensitive in sensory terms, and unduly intense with people on the first meeting.

    I can do public speaking, but nervousness and excitability are easily apparent. Positive-reinforcement helps me to open up at exponential speed, but that self-concious, high-strung quality never truly disappears. Would it be useful to class "Shy" as Highly Sensitive Person (People)? I think the description fits me well, although I'm not too sure about the usefulness of this label.

  3. #23
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    Bad experiences, perceived power of others over yourself, innate lack of self-confidence, need for external validation, need for personal space coupled with perceived lack of power, translaing into fear of others encroaching without your express permission.
    This.

    Life is tough. Watching it go by as apposed to getting out there and participating isn't going to make it any easier.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    My eldest son is painfully shy due to bullying at school in the past .. Now depending on how you view it (could be good, could be bad) he does have me as a mother .. I try my best to help bring him out of his shell much to his annoyance sometimes ..
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    This.

    Life is tough. Watching it go by as apposed to getting out there and participating isn't going to make it any easier.
    Thanks. That's sound advice. Worries and life are not mutually exclusive. If I want to worry, I might as well live at the same time, then at least my worries might find some grounds for justification.

  6. #26
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    It's a key of being the best YOU you can be.

    Everyone isn't going to be the most popular social butterfly ever, nor should they be. It takes all kinds.

    You should however, put an effort into being the most positive and approachable you, you can be. For those who aren't extroverts, taking the social leap of faith in talking to a stranger can be nearly insurmountable (I know I (used to) have plenty of trouble with it and I'm an E). A little effort to seem more interested in what others have to say will go a long way. Just because you aren't talking doesn't mean you're not interacting.

  7. #27
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i think there's a security issue about knowing what you are saying is right. like the kids in school who are the best students but still get extremely nervous when they teacher calls on them. the idea of being wrong or making a mistake or not being capable is so terrifying that it locks you up and you just wait, postpone, defer, etc.

    then theres the other issue of perceiving any difference as being embarrassing, shameful, etc. the tendency to imagine others are perfect and you are defective, you have something to hide, you are broken and flawed. i still have issues reading into any difference between myself and others as a potential weakness of my own. which wouldn't be so bad if you didn't actually expect that you should be completely perfect in every way. that pressure creates chaos internally, hesitancy, neuroticism, etc.

    i see these as being rooted in the 5, 6, 7 head thought anxiety, the 2, 3, 4 heart feelings shame, and the 8, 9, 1 ____ ____ anger triad of the enneagram.

    5w4 and 4w5 break down from the perfectionism that results with tying self-focus and knowledge/truth to the situation. you want to know the truth, but you want to feel perfect. and they can spiral.

    a larger and more glaringly obvious problem that affects all N types is that sometimes they grow up and don't have any solid relationships bc they don't know other N types or have an N supportive environment. most of my entps say they just felt like a crazy person growing up, whereas enfps can find a niche easier, ESPECIALLY females, bc socially they're so skilled and they can be queen of any social group (including the geeks- if they decide to go that route).

    entps have the really obvious 3w4 type who is more aggressively conventional when going after social achievements, the 7w6 who is the most feely and spiritual, and the 7w8 who is focused on going after what it wants balls-to-the-wall and just looks for the most engaging challenges.

    ij types also have the added pressure of feeling easily overwhelmed. their judgment needs structure and objective for it to work properly, and if they are just totally out there with no guidance and social pressures and have to make quick improvised decisions without time to sort out the information they can easily hyperventilate. 9 types are shy bc they are so focused on others that they lose themselves and feel rudderless. (blackcat, how your wing would have kicked in and solved your problem, it is a part of your larger psychological structure so your shyness just evaporates. i think isfp 9w8 is more in touch with in-charge style Te than the 9w1 types whose Te is more repressed and inwardly critiquing/self-flagellating).

    also, i find the intp perspective on shyness adorable. it makes me think of yoshimi (a robot learns to feel)! but recognizing all the while that what they say is 100% logical and probably the most intelligent thing that could possibly be said about the situation. most direct, specific, accurate weighing of the variables. yet feeling is such a gigantic obstacle, and intps are only shy in the first place bc they lack the internal structure to organize themselves. they need a game to bring out their best. when they learn the tools to play the social game they become very very capable of adjusting to any situation. they have such a wide range when it comes to interaction styles.

  8. #28
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Why do shy people exist? What exactly causes this in people? It just seems like some people are shy and some people aren't. It doesn't really have to do with extroversion or introversion, at least that is that there isn't a set standard.

    Another thing that I've noticed is that shy people don't really try to change themselves, yet it's obvious that it's much easier to be not shy. I used to be somewhat shy, but I changed myself and it's much better.

    Previously shy people: How did you overcome your shyness?
    There can be so much in it. It's weird. Usually the shy-seeming people prove out to be the most bubbly people, or maybe not, maybe it's just such a huge leap from one end to another that it gets perceived that way, by me.

    I've always been shy and assertive. As a kid it started to bother me and I around the age of 6 to 9 I forced myself to be less shy. I never really could kick it out of myself completely, but it worked for many years until my self-esteem crashed etc.

    Then it was more about getting healthier in terms of psychological well-being and having a realistic sense of self again and getting comfortable. The shyness (which in my case was overly emphasised fear of rejection) took care of itself, although I think it's never going to go away completely.

    I always have this reaction to shy people: *pinches cheek* *hugs again and becomes a silly clown*

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i think there's a security issue about knowing what you are saying is right. like the kids in school who are the best students but still get extremely nervous when they teacher calls on them. the idea of being wrong or making a mistake or not being capable is so terrifying that it locks you up and you just wait, postpone, defer, etc.
    I always had this problem, and still do. I double check definitions of words I know perfectly well before posting, just in case I am using them wrong. I double check information I am well versed in, just in case I am remembering it wrong. I sometimes don't trust my own knowledge, and will not voice it until I have external confirmation. I suppose I fear that my imagination has run wild again, and that's not an entirely unfounded fear...

    then theres the other issue of perceiving any difference as being embarrassing, shameful, etc. the tendency to imagine others are perfect and you are defective, you have something to hide, you are broken and flawed. i still have issues reading into any difference between myself and others as a potential weakness of my own. which wouldn't be so bad if you didn't actually expect that you should be completely perfect in every way. that pressure creates chaos internally, hesitancy, neuroticism, etc. .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #30
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    As a child I wasn't shy at all. But, through my parents, I learned a very loooong and painful lesson about how much power the world and people around us have over us, and how happily and liberally they will use that to their own advantage. I have worked very very hard to fight the urge to avoid the world entirely because it wishes me harm. I think, now, that I feel that I am shy-er than I am. I am not very shy around people who I know like me, or around strangers, but that in between place, where I think the person could make my life difficult but don't know if they like me, around them I am quite shy.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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