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  1. #21
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I'm not afraid of failure in and of itself, I'm afraid of not being given another chance after failing. Will I?
    Of course you will. Why wouldn't you? The only time you can't try again is when you're dead, or when you quit.

    If I CAN fail multiple times before I succeed, that's fine. I do great when I can practice with something I'm allowed to fail at multiple times before succeeding. If I'm expected to get it right the first time or never make it, then I can't do that. It's just that I'm often given the impression by the way many things are written that there's no room for error, and I won't get another chance if I fail once.
    Not true. You think you're the only one who works that way? It takes 10,000 hours of practice to master any skill. Other people know this, and will usually give you leeway.

    I don't want to deal with the expenses of having a car. I'd need a job that much better just to pay for a car and and insurance. The costs are unreasonable given the kind of job and pay levels I'm qualified for. The need to pay for a car will keep me dependent and further away from my goals for that much longer.
    Like I said - life is tough sometimes. Do you know what is keeping you dependent right now? Not having a car. You can find cheap insurance down there fairly easily. Besides, at the right job, entry-level income is a lot better than you may think - $10/hr isn't bad if you maintain housing and food expenses at a reasonable level. You can find a decent car for $4000, which you can negotiate with the bank for a decent rate, and insurance isn't all that bad.

    Just try and see if you can make it work rather than convince yourself that it can't.

    Sometimes, we have to trade one set of crappy restraints for a whole other set.

    Besides, we do have public transportation in Dallas. It's just that I won't have it if I try to take a job that's outside their service area, which pretty much covers the whole city and some of the nearby ones. Not only that, even if I learned, I wouldn't have anyone to pay for the car, gas, and insurance until I got a job anyway. So I even if I had a driver's license, I wouldn't be able to use the car in my job hunt. Which is, honestly, when it would be the most useful.
    Times like these are when it's prudent to take a small loan to cover these costs. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Hey, it's not their opinion I'm afraid of. It's the fact that I'm depending on them to survive right now that I'm afraid of. If I were financially independent, I'd tell them off and never deal with them again.
    So, why let them have that power? They're using your fear of abandonment as leverage over you - take that power away from them. You must have friends who are aware of the situation. You're old enough now where at least one of them would be fully willing to help you break free.

    People want you to be happy, and will help you get there if you let them.

    Umm... don't know what you're talking about there.
    Rather than rip the bandage off and deal with a short period of sharp pain, you dealt with a slow burn for 3-4 years longer than you had to. You see why this is unhealthy?

    Right. I just hope others don't think the way my parents do...
    The onus is on one person - you. You know you're not crazy, just get to work convincing others that they've got no reason to think otherwise.

    Yeah, probably... it's not like I've actually gone up to people and tried to talk to them.
    The only way you're going to get good at it is to keep trying. They're the key to what you want. Never doubt that there are always options out there - it's up to you to find them.

    There isn't a part of me that just "does," or if there is it doesn't listen to what I want. That's the problem.
    No, you've just convinced yourself that this is the case. Look - I'm about the laziest person on the planet when it comes to things I don't personally want to do. However, if I don't do those things, I starve. So I get over that pretty quickly, and start to change things in my favor. Otherwise, I am stuck in depression and the death of ennui. Let me tell you, that place sucks.

    Of course there's a part of you that just "does". It's the part that has you talking on this message board right now. Figure out how to harness it for your benefit.

  2. #22
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Of course you will. Why wouldn't you? The only time you can't try again is when you're dead, or when you quit.

    Not true. You think you're the only one who works that way? It takes 10,000 hours of practice to master any skill. Other people know this, and will usually give you leeway.
    Okay, true...
    Like I said - life is tough sometimes. Do you know what is keeping you dependent right now? Not having a car. You can find cheap insurance down there fairly easily. Besides, at the right job, entry-level income is a lot better than you may think - $10/hr isn't bad if you maintain housing and food expenses at a reasonable level. You can find a decent car for $4000, which you can negotiate with the bank for a decent rate, and insurance isn't all that bad.

    Just try and see if you can make it work rather than convince yourself that it can't.
    Well, the thing is, I was actually aiming for $7 an hour... I don't think I get $10, not right out of high school with no other qualifications. I was kind of planning to work my way up to $10-$11 an hour after getting a few years of experience so that I could move out on my own.

    But how is it that not having a car is keeping me dependent, provided I can use public transportation?

    Times like these are when it's prudent to take a small loan to cover these costs. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    I thought I needed collateral to get a loan. I'll look into it since it might be helpful, though I'm not so comfortable with debt.

    So, why let them have that power? They're using your fear of abandonment as leverage over you - take that power away from them. You must have friends who are aware of the situation. You're old enough now where at least one of them would be fully willing to help you break free.

    People want you to be happy, and will help you get there if you let them.
    Actually, I don't have friends. No close ones, anyway. That's one of my problems, actually... didn't make any friends that I held onto after high school. I'm kind of reserved.

    Rather than rip the bandage off and deal with a short period of sharp pain, you dealt with a slow burn for 3-4 years longer than you had to. You see why this is unhealthy?
    Well, actually it was necessary. I was 13-16 years old, and had no legal power to leave if I wanted to. My Dad won the custody battle, so that was my only choice if I didn't want to stay. There was no "bandaid" to rip off. It was necessary then, but that doesn't apply now... it's just that being in such a situation throughout my social development years taught me to feel like I had no power in the external world except the power to insist on doing nothing.





    The only way you're going to get good at it is to keep trying. They're the key to what you want. Never doubt that there are always options out there - it's up to you to find them.
    Yeah, I know...
    No, you've just convinced yourself that this is the case. Look - I'm about the laziest person on the planet when it comes to things I don't personally want to do. However, if I don't do those things, I starve. So I get over that pretty quickly, and start to change things in my favor. Otherwise, I am stuck in depression and the death of ennui. Let me tell you, that place sucks.
    Well, yeah, if I thought I were going to starve if I didn't do these things, it would be easy. I'm not that lazy, LOL. But since that motivation isn't there... yeah, EXTREME apathy and boredom that makes me too lazy to change my habits. It REALLY sucks, you're right.
    Of course there's a part of you that just "does". It's the part that has you talking on this message board right now. Figure out how to harness it for your benefit.
    That's what I'm working on. Wish me luck.

  3. #23
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Okay, true...


    Well, the thing is, I was actually aiming for $7 an hour... I don't think I get $10, not right out of high school with no other qualifications. I was kind of planning to work my way up to $10-$11 an hour after getting a few years of experience so that I could move out on my own.
    Minimum wage is already $7.25/hr, so you can set your eyes a little higher than that. It's not hard to find jobs that pay better and require little experience - just be creative (like go through a temp agency)

    But how is it that not having a car is keeping me dependent, provided I can use public transportation?
    If you can take the bus or DART to wherever you need to go, that's great. If you can't, then adapt.

    I thought I needed collateral to get a loan. I'll look into it since it might be helpful, though I'm not so comfortable with debt.
    There are plenty of things you can use as collateral, just don't overextend yourself - which isn't really possible nowadays, since credit's so tight.

    Actually, I don't have friends. No close ones, anyway. That's one of my problems, actually... didn't make any friends that I held onto after high school. I'm kind of reserved.
    OK, here's something that I know can be a little difficult for introverts to reconcile - there are people who you might not think of as a friend who nevertheless think of you as a friend. If there's anyone who you've spent a non-trivial amount of time around, chances are they think of you as a friend. That's your first resource.

    Well, actually it was necessary. I was 13-16 years old, and had no legal power to leave if I wanted to. My Dad won the custody battle, so that was my only choice if I didn't want to stay. There was no "bandaid" to rip off. It was necessary then, but that doesn't apply now... it's just that being in such a situation throughout my social development years taught me to feel like I had no power in the external world except the power to insist on doing nothing.
    Sure there was - acting out. Getting the courts involved. I know it didn't seem possible now, but the point is that you're older and have access to much greater possibilities nowadays. Learn from your mistakes.
    Yeah, I know...


    Well, yeah, if I thought I were going to starve if I didn't do these things, it would be easy. I'm not that lazy, LOL. But since that motivation isn't there... yeah, EXTREME apathy and boredom that makes me too lazy to change my habits. It REALLY sucks, you're right.
    Sometimes, the only way you're going to give yourself that motivation is to actually place yourself in such a position.

    That's what I'm working on. Wish me luck.
    It's easier than you think. First step is to get some confidantes in your life.

  4. #24
    Member ilovetrannies's Avatar
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    Settling for a minimum wage, for a short time, until you find something better, does really suck. Believe me, I know, but having some money and slight debt to move out, makes it all worth it.

    Getting away from your parents sounds like the best thing. It'll be worth it.

    And the best news, living on your own, qualifies you for grants from the federal government, so you don't need to depend on your father to go to college and you'll be debt free.

    Hope it all works out for you.

  5. #25
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Do you think your parents would consider paying for a therapist of some kind? If not there may be free/cheap places in your city that provide similar services. Or even a family friend or older friend/mentor of some kind - former teacher, maybe, might be willing to talk to you.

    I really, really think you would benefit from talking to someone about these things in real life, especially someone professional, who can get a better understanding of you and your difficulties than we ever can, and who might be able to offer more practical help. There's been tons of advice offered here - that's pretty much all we can do over the internet. When that's not helping, you have to look elsewhere.
    -end of thread-

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    It's very hard for me to wrap my mind around the concept of valuing persistence when it comes to repeating something that doesn't even offer feedback, and for which I've gotten no feedback to help me improve. If I were getting some sort of feedback other than silence to help me improve each time, I would be able to deal with it.
    I sympathize with you and I would imagine that what you wrote in the above paragraph that I've quoted, is certainly a very important point. It would be to me, if I were in your shoes.

  7. #27
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    I have a similar problem. Its a lack of initiative and lack of self discipline, and i dont know how to fix it.

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