Don't worry about what should be, and simply concern yourself with what is.Actually, it's neither. I see becoming independent as a necessity. I don't feel any pride regarding it because I believe it's something I should have already done.
You're still a kid at 21; don't worry about thinking you're too old to find yourself. Everyone does it at different times. What seems like an objective standard is actually an accumulation of multiple subjective standards, so concern yourself not with it.I do feel a sense of frustration with the process, though. I fear that I'm expected to have already gone through it, and that it will be a lot harder to for people to understand me going through it at 21 than it would have been at a younger age. And also, I'm not even aware of what the process is, other than simply getting a job, holding it down for a while, and then finding a way to get a place and take care of bills. And to be honest, the job and transportation part seems the most difficult, especially since I'm not interested in driving and wouldn't be able to afford a car anyway.
Do you know what the process is? You alluded to it in the last sentence. The process is dealing with the bullshit that you have to, without making excuses for what you want to do. If you aren't interested in driving, but you have to drive in order to attain your goals, guess what - you better just hold your nose and learn how to get behind the wheel. Prioritize. Keep your eye on the bigger picture.
Fuck what they think. Honestly. Don't give two shits about that opinion if it's going to hold you back from your goals. You're going to have to deal with haters your entire life - the trick is to either ignore them or use them as motivation.Both. Independence was honestly discouraged and seen as undeserved. They essentially felt, and still feel, that I have no right to act independently in any capacity whatsoever until I've proven that I can hold down a job and pay bills. There's no support when I go that route, there never HAS been.
The squeaky wheel gets the greaseI think I learned to kill that instinct during those nights at my father's house when I just wanted to run away from a situation I felt trapped in. I'd just rationalize, "Why bother? You'd be found by the police, and they'd just make you come back. They can find you anywhere with all this technology, you can't hide from them nowadays. You might even get sent to a mental institution, your father already thinks you're insane, he told you so, he got a psychologist to say so, and you have to behave in such a way as to prove that you're not. You have no choices, you're stuck here. Besides, you have no money and you'd likely die without help eventually. Anyone who helped you would just contact your family to come and get you, and they'd just be angry. It would be a lot of effort wasted. So just resist passively... do as little as you can, only what you're told and nothing else, don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you enjoy yourself, or seeing you rebel and give them the satisfaction of thinking they have the power to make you hurt with their rules and punishments. Remain compliant, stoic, and miserable, make them feel guilty. When asked what's wrong, repeat your demands. It will take a long time, but eventually you'll get what you seek when they find that nothing else helps."
3-4 years of shit that you shouldn't have put up with.And sure enough, after 3-4 years of passive resistance at my father's house, he gave up and let me come back home to my mother.
The only one who can prove to society as a whole whether you belong in that room or not is you. You're past the age of majority - parental opinion doesn't factor in anymore.My persona, is likely the kind of persona one might develop if one's sanity were questioned at the exact time they began showing signs of independence. Some part of me is afraid that if I appear anything but completely sane and reasonable in my decisions, I'll wind up in a rubber room or something.
Sure there is. You probably have more social support methods than you think. Trust in yourself - even more so because it seems like others do not.Well, yes, of course it's a good thing. That was never my point. It isn't that I would be permanently hurt by failures, it's that I don't see how I'm going to get multiple chances if I hurt my relationship with my family too badly, and then have no one in the world who would help me.
You think many of us are particularly enthralled with persistence? It's practically anathema to a P's nature. However, we didn't write the rules, but we've got to put up with them. Sometimes, you're going to have to keep plugging away at something that's seemingly pointless, just because there's no other option.It is. That's why I'm seeking a job interview (right, at this point I can't even get an interview). It's just that I can't find it in me to keep pumping out effort into job applications and putting myself out there when I haven't gotten results so far. It's very hard for me to wrap my mind around the concept of valuing persistence when it comes to repeating something that doesn't even offer feedback, and for which I've gotten no feedback to help me improve. If I were getting some sort of feedback other than silence to help me improve each time, I would be able to deal with it.
Don't think about doing it. Start doing it. Fear is temporary, glory eternal.I'm probably going to manage something eventually, but it's going to be very hard since I'm going to have to fight my emotions and instincts very, very hard to do it.