+1Yes, I have thought about this a lot recently, too.
It was brought on by hanging with a few metric tonnes of SPs of bad grade.
I'm not hanging out with them anymore, since they don't have any sense of right and wrong, appreciation or of loyalty.
Besides that, most of them are acting in a way that is not fit for adults.
And they drink too much.
I always looked out for them. Organized stuff. Even came over with ****ing soup, ciggarettes and coke a few times when a particular ESTP was ill a few times.
Besides that, I showed loyalty in a few tight spots and took their sides in arguments even while not really, really agreeing with them.
That's just fragments. I went far beyond the call of duty for at least two of them, and the rest I treated friendly.
What did I get in return? Lots of effort and a few good parties and being let down by those idiots.
Be sure that I will never, ever again override my prejudices and my gut feeling.
I normally just know if someone is good or bad, in these cases... Well, I just chose not to listen to it because it was convenient.
Now i'm definitely grading people. I don't think much of most people I meet.
They all seem to have a big flaw here, a big flaw there...
I notice and pay attention to character flaws a hell of a lot more nowadays.
But, i'd say about 10% of everyone I meet are decent in most regards.
I don't think about it consciously, but there are a few things that must check out.
Morals and loyalty
Being fair and nice towards the people that deserve it
Showing appreciation enough for efforts
Intelligence and wit
Emotional warmth for the people who deserve it
If a person does not have those. Not my friend. Maybe acquaintance... Never more.
Big surprise that both of my best friends are ENFJs?
In all, most everyone I hang out with or like a lot falls under xNxJ.
I've had the exact same problem.