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  1. #51
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    Fe is more conducive to being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. After which time its much more difficult to rate people.

    Te lends itself to organizing systems for maximum efficiency. I merely judge others by what they can do for me that benefits me in a manifestly positive manner. This can be, helps me grow as a person, has unique insights which expand my understanding of things, is a better fighter than I am and teaches me new moves, understands a specific area of law better than I, makes me laugh, helps to relieve stress by hanging out with them, etc. etc.

    Basically what I mean by better and worse is, that either, someone is worth spending my (precious) time on because pursuing a friendship (or relationship) with them manifestly benefits me in some way, or someone is not worth wasting my time on because doing so cannot benefit me in a meaningful way.

    I understand that just because someone has nothing to offer me does not mean that they have nothing to offer.

    I realize that I can maximize the happiness in my life, and secondarily, improve my academic and business performance by surrounding myself only with people that I (subjectively) judge to be worth my time.

    This sounds fucked up, but that's how Te works sometimes.

    Different strokes for different folks.

    EDIT: you guys clearly have a better grasp of MBTI than I do, so it might have more to do with other functions. However, what I said still stands (regardless of what function or letter you blame it on).

  2. #52
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    As you wish. But you seem to be the one complaining about it.
    I'm unlikely to change my mind about this being a worse situation with a worse person for me to interact with. So since I've given you this piece of information got any practical helpful suggestions instead of criticism and the "I nevers!"? Have you successfully navigated a relationship with someone with mental health issues, especially when they're moody, act out, easily frustrated and angered, have poor emotional regulation, and bad at communicating? I'm all ears.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Wow people really think like this? Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people I don't like and don't mesh well with, but I'd never say they were "below" me or "worse than" me. What the hell does that even mean? On what criteria can I base calling someone "lower" than myself, or lower than someone else? After all, even the type of person I dislike most will be "better" than me at something, or using some other type of scale. And if I recognize that the basis for the categorization scheme I'm using is completely subjective, then why would I keep using it? Why would I think that such a scheme is in any way useful?

    People fall along a continuum of like/dislike for me at any given moment. Their positions are not fixed and may change with more information. The most I can say about someone in relation to someone else is that I like so and so better than so and so. Not that so and so is worse than so and so. I think that the language of being "better" or "worse" says more than any individual is warranted to say about any other individual without a whole bunch of qualifiers being attached that basically take away the force of the terms.
    I don't understand anyone as saying they're better human beings than anyone else, in fact I see people putting qualifiers in their statements that they don't think that.

    And I can think of a number of situations in which people think of themselves as "better than" another person. "Better than/worse than" can apply to oh I have a superior belief system, my country (which I am a citizen of and therefor share in this) has better economic and social policies, I have more progressive thoughts about such and such, I'm smarter than another person, I'm healthier than another person, I'm more well-rounded than another person. Damn we have a thread going on over here where someone basically confesses as much and it's supposedly a common NT problem (thinking they're smarter than everyone else), but more than that it's pretty much part and parcel of being human.

    I think DiscoBiscuit explained it pretty well.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #53
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    The concept of something being better than something else is retarded?

    Please explain.
    But everything is based on our opinions and life experiences. How biased is our opinion/thinking.

    Ever see homeless people walking the streets looking like they have won the lottery and the man that has won the lottery and is so darn miserable.

    Who would you define as being better, the person that has everything or the person as having nothing yet is so happy and content.

    Does that make sense.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #54
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Basically what I mean by better and worse is, that either, someone is worth spending my (precious) time on because pursuing a friendship (or relationship) with them manifestly benefits me in some way, or someone is not worth wasting my time on because doing so cannot benefit me in a meaningful way.

    I understand that just because someone has nothing to offer me does not mean that they have nothing to offer.
    I understand what you're saying about ranking people based on their skill set and what they bring to the table (and continuously shuffling based on that), although I don't personally do that either. But that's not what the OP was saying. The OP was judging the people themselves as being less than or more. Unless that is what you are saying too?

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    But everything is based on our opinions and life experiences. How biased is our opinion/thinking.

    Ever see homeless people walking the streets looking like they have won the lottery and the man that has won the lottery and is so darn miserable.

    Who would you define as being better, the person that has everything or the person as having nothing yet is so happy and content.

    Does that make sense.
    I don't really judge people on what I see, and whatever judgment I do pass on people based solely on their appearance is quite malleable. If my initial assessment of someone is shown to be wrong, I revise it then and there.

    I judge people by the words of their voice, and the actions of their bodies. More importantly, I judge people by how their words and actions affect me.

    Edit: You are right LA, OP and I are covering two distinctly different types of judgment. I judge actions and words not people.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I judge actions and words not people.
    People are their actions and words.
    It's not unusual for them to contradict each other.

    If someone tells people to go fuck themselves all the time,
    but spends 3 hours helping a stranger find their lost dog, what is true of them?

    Food for thought.

  7. #57
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I'm unlikely to change my mind about this being a worse situation with a worse person for me to interact with. So since I've given you this piece of information got any practical helpful suggestions instead of criticism and the "I nevers!"? Have you successfully navigated a relationship with someone with mental health issues, especially when they're moody, act out, easily frustrated and angered, have poor emotional regulation, and bad at communicating? I'm all ears.
    You're asking ME for interpersonal advice?

    I think this just comes down to a different mindset. I mostly have problems with E**Js trying to steam-roller over me. Like you, I would prefer not to have to deal with that either. But I see it as a mutual communication problem, rather than one person being superior to/worse than the other. They often have problems having their ideas challenged - they may find it personally threatening or even insulting. I have a problem with people getting overly emotional or loud and aggressive in response to my entirely impersonal approach. Perhaps being a rarer type and having to repeatedly deal with extroverted Judging types, one learns not to think of it so much as the other person's problem, and more as just an issue of compatibility. The advantage in having this attitude, is that one learns to compromise, and to choose one's battles.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #58
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    You're asking ME for interpersonal advice?
    Wait! Are you admitting you have poor interpersonal skills or something? Now that's worthy of a

    I think this just comes down to a different mindset. I mostly have problems with E**Js trying to steam-roller over me. Like you, I would prefer not to have to deal with that either. But I see it as a mutual communication problem, rather than one person being superior to/worse than the other. They often have problems having their ideas challenged - they may find it personally threatening or even insulting. I have a problem with people getting overly emotional or loud and aggressive in response to my entirely impersonal approach. Perhaps being a rarer type and having to repeatedly deal with extroverted Judging types, one learns not to think of it so much as the other person's problem, and more as just an issue of compatibility. The advantage in having this attitude, is that one learns to compromise, and to choose one's battles.
    I don't have any problem with what you've said here, but I think you may have glossed over the fact that I said my boss is more more than likely a high-functioning autistic. My whole point was this is not "typical" miscommunication issues and hence my evaluation of the situation. I can deal with differences in communication styles, but when a person's thinking and communication is clouded by a developmental disability wouldn't you say that qualifies as extenuating circumstances that change the typical modes of communication?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    People are their actions and words.
    It's not unusual for them to contradict each other.

    If someone tells people to go fuck themselves all the time,
    but spends 3 hours helping a stranger find their lost dog, what is true of them?

    Food for thought.
    That person is a douchebag. The evidence you provided shows a continuing pattern of douche behavior. This douchebag managed to be altruistic on one occasion. Still a douchebag.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Some people have no sense of humor. Lol.
    How many people would actually tell everyone to go fuck themselves?
    We need some new emoticons for sarcasm.

    Although there was an INFP who told me not once, but twice, to go fuck myself.
    Haha.

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