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  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Default Are you the Golden Child?

    There's a thread here about people sucking up to gain favor. I'm wondering about people who may or may not suck up but realize either way that they are in a favored position in a particular situation.

    Maybe you're a favorite student, favorite child, favorite employee, favorite friend. However you got there, you have now arrived.

    If it hasn't been through means of your own undertaking, i.e. you just happened to be the recipient of someone liking you and the person who likes you is in a position to make your life easier, how do you respond to people being jealous or envious of your favor? Are envious feelings ever justified in such a situation?

    People may not want to be honest about this part, but do you ever use your favored position to your advantage, especially if that position was not earned through traditional means such as hard work and dedication? If so, how do you use it?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    Senior Member Drezoryx's Avatar
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    pass on the good fortune in bits to the leaders of the jealous party and manipulate them.
    Type 8 sx/sp/so
    O:C:E:A:N :: 65:69:59:57:9

  3. #3
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I don't understand the responses in that thread at all! (And btw sorry again everyone, I didn't realize it was in the NF subforum.)

    I give more of my time and energy to people who can make my life easier.

    This person might be of no professional standing or reputation, and the way they make my life easier is by being a kind soul that I can sit with and talk with and fill me with feelings that motivate me to work harder at something. For example, my little cousin who is learning her alphabet.

    OTOH, this person might be of more pragmatic aid (boss/teacher/secretary/whatever) and I'll invest more cognitive resources making sure they feel validated, comfortable, respected, etc. I do this in ways that do not compromise my true feelings--I just look for something genuine to put forward, but I certainly look for something to put forward in the first place. If they're scum, I stay the hell away. I don't put myself in a situation that requires dealing with scum, so I don't have trouble affirming things I genuinely like about the people around me.

    What kind of person does not do this? To them, I say, don't you think you have something to contribute to the world, and don't you think your contributions require help from others? Or are you so vain as to think you can do it without help? I don't understand.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  4. #4
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Favorite kid growing up (until dad got remarried), not sure why.

    I always get away with stuff, not sure why that is either.

  5. #5
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    What kind of person does not do this? To them, I say, don't you think you have something to contribute to the world, and don't you think your contributions require help from others? Or are you so vain as to think you can do it without help? I don't understand.
    Well I have a specific situation in mind that I've seen at work, where there are most definitely higher stakes (promotions, pay increases, increased visibility to higher-ups). I'm always so worried I'll bias the responses by how I work my OP so I'm vague but you manage to wring greater detail from me.

    A new person was hired in my department almost a year ago. The person admitted in the interview they were underqualified for the position and time has proven that to be the case. BUT this person is very well-liked by the department director and has been given several high profile projects that other's (myself included) had been vying for. My department also has a very (or maybe not) strange social dynamic that I think this person picked up on after a few months and has exploited for their gain. I can't really blame them for that part, but they seem to be using that favor to drive a wedge between employees even further which still benefits them.

    I know this is typical and I'm not really looking for advice, but I would like to know what goes on in a person's head who realizes they're in the cat bird seat.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think there have been times when I've been the favorite. I am naturally compliant and can be pretty submissive if I genuinely like and respect someone (I got Omega on the Alpha test). I love to please and will frame my words in such a way to be less offensive and more affirming than they might be if I didn't make the effort.

    As far as doing it for personal gain . . . I can't seem to do it if I really don't like someone, no matter how much it would be in my best interest to do so. I can't hide genuine contempt/revulsion to that degree. I may still avoid open conflict, though.

    Being a golden child does have advantages and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I got to a lot of things as a teenager I might not have otherwise gotten to do because my friends' parents approved of me, I was polite and innocuous, etc.

    I don't think I've really encountered a lot of jealousy, but I could be oblivious. I tend to be able to win all but the most obnoxious over and I 'rejoice with those who rejoice' meaning when good things happen for other people, I am happy for them and show it.

    Most every good that happens is a net good in the universe and the fact that it is happening to someone else doesn't mean it's happening at my expense. And visa verse.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Well I have a specific situation in mind that I've seen at work, where there are most definitely higher stakes (promotions, pay increases, increased visibility to higher-ups). I'm always so worried I'll bias the responses by how I work my OP so I'm vague but you manage to wring greater detail from me.

    A new person was hired in my department almost a year ago. The person admitted in the interview they were underqualified for the position and time has proven that to be the case. BUT this person is very well-liked by the department director and has been given several high profile projects that other's (myself included) had been vying for. My department also has a very (or maybe not) strange social dynamic that I think this person picked up on after a few months and has exploited for their gain. I can't really blame them for that part, but they seem to be using that favor to drive a wedge between employees even further which still benefits them.

    I know this is typical and I'm not really looking for advice, but I would like to know what goes on in a person's head who realizes they're in the cat bird seat.
    Oh. If I wasn't more qualified I'd sit my ass down and either improve myself until I could game on with the others who were competent and therefore earned the right to vy for the position, or I'd simply sit my ass down and chill. I'd feel like an idiot in a position that I was not competent to hold.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I am my car's most favourite driver, if someone else steps into it, it just wont start

    And I was the 1st child and much more diplomatic than my sister, so she got a hardtime sometimes.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Oh. If I wasn't more qualified I'd sit my ass down and either improve myself until I could game on with the others who were competent and therefore earned the right to vy for the position, or I'd simply sit my ass down and chill. I'd feel like an idiot in a position that I was not competent to hold.
    Yeah. How embarrassing. I don't tend to put myself forward and if I feel like someone is expecting me to do something I'm not qualified, I've been known to freak out and flake. If someone is more qualified than I am for something, they should do it and maybe I can help and learn along the way. I'm not particularly motivated to advance. Advancing just means more work and headache, lol.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #10
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Well to me it's not necessarily about how qualified this person is because skills can be learned and this person is learning. They're hired now and it's been nearly a year and nothing catastrophic has happened.

    What bothers me is the exploitation that's now occurring and the divisiveness in an already strained relationships. And the person knows that they are liked and it feels like they rub it in the faces of those who the Bosses feel more neutral towards. It can be in little repeated comments like "Jane and I..." (Jane being the boss) "already discussed this and we think..." when that person has no more authority than anyone else. It's an air of Us vs. Them attitude this person is reinforcing (when they've done nothing to be "them" other than being well-liked) and I'm wondering how much of a conscious process this is very them just moving along taking advantage of the situation as things occur with much forethought.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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