At the moment I am passing into a trance. I can tell I am passing into a trance for I can't do anything - it is as if I am forbidden from doing anything - it's like being in a dream where you can't move, but you are trying - but it makes no difference, you can't move.
On the other hand my mind is directing me what to do. In fact I have just written it all out on on Organiser on the Desktop. But when it comes to doing anything, I can't. So I feel held by something and a little panicky and a little afraid.
At the same time I am attracted to the trance. It means I don't have to do anything. But it's like letting go of everything. It's comfortable but makes no sense. At this point I need someone to tell me I am drunk or on drugs. But alas I am on neither. It's as though I have triggered a part of myself.
It would be nice to think you knew what I was doing. But at least you are far enough away not to interfere.
The little voice telling me what to do is getting fainter. And it is a relief. But I am on the cusp. Talking to you is on one side of the cusp. And listening to myself is on the other.
How can you bear to be on your side of the cusp? When there is all this on the other side. Step on through, step on through to the other side.
But once through the looking glass there is no going back until you fall asleep. And then you will wonder what was it all about. Ah yes, it is the wondering that happens on your side, on my side we take everything for granted. And everything takes us for granted. It's a nice way to live but makes no sense. I feel hurt when you call it nonsense. It's just that it makes no sense.
And what a relief that is - just for a while - just for a little while more, until sense begins to dawn, flooding the world with sunlight. A bit too bright for my eyes so I hide in the shade of the Weeping Willow, not quite ready yet, not quite ready yet to face the day - waiting for the sunlight to shade into moonlight.