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  1. #31
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Just thinking about this a bit more in relation to my own communication style...

    Pretty much all of my communication is between equals (I am self employed and only work with my husband so don't have the superior/subordinate thing).
    In most cases I don't like to force people to do things, I think this is one of the reasons I value a more subtle style of communication. I prefer to let someone know what I would like, but phrase it in a way so they can choose not to do this without feeling like they're being rude. I would much prefer someone not do something than do it just because they felt that they had to.

    Autonomy and choice are very important to me. And just as I don't want to be trampled on, I also wouldn't want to impinge on someone else's autonomy


    I too often prefer subtleness in communication directed at me as long as the message is clear and not vague and ambiguous (unless as an exception when I choose it to be not clear for whatever reasons). Communication with me feels like a art form or science and directness and indirectness and the subtle shades in between are a palate. As raindancing infers learning who the person (i.e. personality type) you are communicating facilitates the intake and outtake of communication.
    I agree, communication feels like an art form to me as well. It's like an intricate dance, with subtle shades, as you say.

    For me, it's the personalized nature of communication that makes it interesting and compelling. You have to adjust your dance for each person and each situation in the moment; accurately communicate while maintaining the perfect balance.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
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  2. #32
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    I like to get things done. I don't have time for feelings at work/school.

    Luckily, once I become a lawyer I'll get to be fairly autonomous.

  3. #33
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    For me, it's the personalized nature of communication that makes it interesting and compelling. You have to adjust your dance for each person and each situation in the moment; accurately communicate while maintaining the perfect balance.
    +1 This is a lovely way of putting it. Prefer your metaphor raindancing of dance it is more precise as to how I like to look on the beauty and effectiveness of well crafting subtle effective indirect communication.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #34
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    +1 This is a lovely way of putting it. Prefer your metaphor raindancing of dance it is more precise as to how I like to look on the beauty and effectiveness of well crafting subtle effective indirect communication.
    All these lovely metaphors of indirect communication being like a ballet or two swans mating glosses over the fact that most indirect communication sounds like non-communication to those that prefer a more direct communication style. Personally, I try (try!) to use a more agile communication style but naturally prefer direct.

    Still waiting for my examples. I think one of the reasons why it's hard to find examples is because the message of subtle, clear, indirect communication is often obscure, so yeah it is an oxymoron. With my first example, there was a clear objective>task>result but I also used that one because it was fairly simple. It tends to be highly situational and context dependent and as raindancing mentioned tends to work best within a small dynamic or with people who are more familiar with each other than average. I think that when you're trying to persuade or convince someone of something that you need them to cooperate with subtle, results-oriented indirect communication comes naturally out of most people. I do believe there is a less conscious shift that occurs but when people operate in that realm most of the time I can see how frustration can arise when someone thinks they're being clear as flashing neon signs but the other person is befuddled.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #35
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Errm I've always thought of direct people as intimating their opinion without fluff... for example my ENFJ friend, if he thinks you're being a complete #### he will tell you so. Being an F he's polite about it "I'm sorry to say but you're being a complete ####" (he does that literally, the polite comment is sarcasm).

    Indirect people tend to obfuscate, conceal and evade... they're frickin irritating for prolonged periods. If they haven't got the strength of conviction to state something so others can see it and either accept or refute it then exactly why should it be considered?
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Errm I've always thought of direct people as intimating their opinion without fluff... for example my ENFJ friend, if he thinks you're being a complete #### he will tell you so. Being an F he's polite about it "I'm sorry to say but you're being a complete ####" (he does that literally, the polite comment is sarcasm).

    Indirect people tend to obfuscate, conceal and evade... they're frickin irritating for prolonged periods. If they haven't got the strength of conviction to state something so others can see it and either accept or refute it then exactly why should it be considered?
    Hit the nail on the head.

  7. #37
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Hit the nail on the head.
    Ouch!

  8. #38
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Hit the nail on the head.
    To be fair, I don't think barking at people is the best method either.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #39
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Hit the nail on the head.
    Sir!

    Which nail should I hit sir?
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    To be fair, I don't think barking at people is the best method either.
    agreed

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