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Thread: Being invaded

  1. #1
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Default Being invaded

    How do you respond to people invading your space?

    Do you indulge them, giving them a chance to see if they might have something interesting to tell/show you? Or do you consider it rude?

    And if you do indulge them, and they turn out to have something to offer that doesn't interest you, how do you respond? Do you leave, tell them to take a hike, do you let them finish out of politeness, do you give them the benefit of the doubt to see if it picks up, do you get amused by their antics despite the content not being that interested? And after they've gone, what impression do they leave? Will their performance make you seek them out themselves (if good) or avoid them (if bad) or will you not care? Does it impact how you see that person afterwards? Do you roll your eyes/ feel special if you see them approaching you again?

    In short: how do you respond to people asking for your time? And what don't you tell them?

    question, questions

    (sorry folks, my mind is going 100 miles an hour these days )
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  2. #2
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    Naturally, it depends on the people invading my space and demanding some time. A drunkard bumming me for a cigaret doesn't have a chance. Neither have those people who are trying to sell me something and want to show some samples of whatever in the mall. I've talked to Jehova's witnesses and mormons on the streets before. Regular people in regular settings, I don't consider them approaching me as something rude and I do indulge them in hearing what they have to say. But, depending on my concentration level at that time, I might not fully engage in what they're saying because I'm simply not interested.

    But, generally, I have no problems with people who approach me for whatever reason. I might be slightly annoyed if I'm busy doing something else at the time but I do give them the benefit of the doubt and listen to what they have to say because, who knows, it might be something that enriches my life or understanding of something in a way I hadn't thought of before.

    After they leave, it again depends on the content of the discussion, if it was something outrageous that amused me, then I am amused by them. It's something to brighten up the day.

    I guess I wouldn't care that much if I ever saw them again, unless they made such an unforgettable impact on me. If the impression was negative, I might want to avoid them but I believe in second chances as well, so it depends. If the encounter was interesting and positive, it does impact me how I see them afterwards. I wouldn't roll my eyes nor feel special if they approach me again, but I'll keep an open mind to what they have to say this time. If a certain positive connection has been established, it's always nice to see where it would lead.

  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Sounds like you mean mental space? Or do you mean real life where someone decides to monopolize your time when you are out?

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    In general, someone pretty much petitioning for your attention for a period of time.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    It's really easy. I either empathize or don't.

    If someone comes to me and says "Sy, I'm so frustrated. I can't seem to squeeze those oranges to make some OJ", I'll either use humor or stare at them seriously (another form of humor I guess) or tell them "Hey, could you please fuck off? Kthanksbye " or something along those lines depending with whom I'm talking with.

    If I empathize, I listen. I might postpone the "appointment with Dr. Sy" for later on, but I'll help them out if I can, sooner or later.

  6. #6
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It depends on the context, but I am comfortable telling people I need to go. At a basic level I like people including the ones who invade my space. I know that if I give up my power to indulge them when I am not up to it that it will make it harder for me to like the person. Because of this I tend to be fairly upfront about leaving when I know I need to go. I tend to offer a reassurance that I like them and try to be respectful, but I don't go into a helpless mode that makes me feel powerless. If I do say yes to them and feel invaded, I try to take responsibility for it and consider it my choice rather than resenting them for "being in control". I know what boundaries I need to keep in order to sincerely like people and feel reasonably comfortable with them. I typically tell them something honest like I have work that needs to be finished or I am tired. They are responsible for their reaction. If it is an ongoing problem I will reorganize the external environment in such a way to maximize my ability to maintain space.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #7
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    I found a good informational video that explains how to avoid making people feel like they are harassed.

    Saturday Night Live - Sexual Harassment - Video - NBC.com
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  8. #8
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    I try not to seem interested, and hope they get the point. If they continue, then I'll just make up an excuse and leave.

  9. #9
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I hump them
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #10
    Member dorcus0's Avatar
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    I generally give them a few seconds to impress me. If they don't, then I just say that I'm not interested. If they continue, what happens next depends on my mood. If I'm in a hurry or in a bad mood, I leave as politely as I can (emphasis on leave; I'll be rude if I have to). If I'm in a better mood, I'll just daydream and let them finish "out of politeness". Then leave.

    It's best when people just hand out pieces of paper for me to read.

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