User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Bioclock

  1. #1
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,656

    Default Bioclock

    By now most of you know I have no children and am not planning on any. I've always felt that I have no affinity with children, and that it would rob me of my freedom. And I still feel that way....most of the time.

    Ever since I turned 27 I've been having flashes...where I'm more able to appreciate the joy children seem to exude. Where I feel more like taking care of them. Where I'm no longer annoyed or panicky when someone asks me to watch their child or when a child asks me for my help or talks to me. In fact, I find myself endeared.

    Lately, two women my age in my social circle have gotten pregnant. And although I find myself shaking my head when talking to them about it (thinking about all the mess they're getting themselves into).But when I hang up the phone, or go home later on, I find myself contemplating the idea of having a child of my own and smiling at it. And they're getting more elaborate, and longer, those flashes of endearment.

    Plz tell me this is normal and nothing to worry about
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #2
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Plz tell me this is normal and nothing to worry about
    It seems you maybe looking for a false sense of reassurance. If it's normal(because I'm male I'll refrain from commenting too much on that), that doesn't necessarily mean it's nothing to worry about.

    Why exactly don't you want children?

  3. #3
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,656

    Default

    Too many reasons to name

    The biggest ones being that I don't really feel that my lifestyle, which I love, is suitable for a kid, and I aint willing to sacrifice it, plus that I don't really feel affinity with kids.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #4
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Too many reasons to name

    The biggest ones being that I don't really feel that my lifestyle, which I love, is suitable for a kid, and I aint willing to sacrifice it, plus that I don't really feel affinity with kids.
    Why do you think that maybe so? I know I have a love-hate relationship with kids. On many levels they annoy me like hell, but at other times I seem to get along so well with them. Seems animals and kids seem to really take to me. Plus my serious and deeply contemplative nature often seems at odds with having children too.

  5. #5
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    Allow me to add that the choice whether to have children certainly has long-term significance - so don't base your decision upon short-term(or rather short-sighted) reasons.

  6. #6
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    By now most of you know I have no children and am not planning on any. I've always felt that I have no affinity with children, and that it would rob me of my freedom. And I still feel that way....most of the time.

    Ever since I turned 27 I've been having flashes...where I'm more able to appreciate the joy children seem to exude. Where I feel more like taking care of them. Where I'm no longer annoyed or panicky when someone asks me to watch their child or when a child asks me for my help or talks to me. In fact, I find myself endeared.

    Lately, two women my age in my social circle have gotten pregnant. And although I find myself shaking my head when talking to them about it (thinking about all the mess they're getting themselves into).But when I hang up the phone, or go home later on, I find myself contemplating the idea of having a child of my own and smiling at it. And they're getting more elaborate, and longer, those flashes of endearment.

    Plz tell me this is normal and nothing to worry about
    Speaking as someone who does not have kids/even a relationship, I'm pretty sure that I'd be creeped out by someone who was all butterflies and rainbows with the idea of having kids (unless they were pregnant and logically their body is drugging them with bias).

    Of course kids are an impediment to all sorts of goals, you're seeing that clearly. They take away precious things like pure freedom and the ability to be spontaneous and the ability to prioritize oneself first all the time. (Or, as an Ni user, the thing that bothers me the most is the amount of times that kids draw you away from Niing.) They drain your resources financially, energy-wise, they test your patience, they act like kids () all the time, etc. Anyone thinking kids are all sunshine and rainbows has it wrong.

    Kids totally and completely realign your priorities, they turn your life upside down.

    But if you ask a lot of parents, they would argue that the pros outweigh the cons and ultimately they wouldn't have it any other way. The way I see it as an outsider, kids make the highs higher and the lows lower. That seems like a way more meaningful ride of life than to always keep oneself the highest priority.

    Also, parents generally have way more adoration and energy and desire to give to their own kids than kids at large--it's not like you wouldn't fall deeply in love with your own kid.

    To me it just seems like an adventure I wouldn't want to miss out on, and that the sacrifices are ultimately worth the higher highs that can come out of having your life turned upside down by a kid.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,707

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Too many reasons to name

    The biggest ones being that I don't really feel that my lifestyle, which I love, is suitable for a kid, and I aint willing to sacrifice it, plus that I don't really feel affinity with kids.
    I probably wouldn't then. Yes it's a normal feeling but if you have kids and don't want to change your lifestyle, that's a problem because you'll have to. Resenting them is what will end up happening and that's bad for everyone.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Yeah, if you're going to regret the change in lifestyle don't bother. Take it from someone who had a mother who refused to change her lifestyle and forced her kids to deal with it.

    Edit: Sometimes I'm wondering if she wants a fucking medal from me for not having an abortion.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    morose bourgeoisie
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,859

    Default

    You have time to figure this out.

    Are you in a committed relationship?

  10. #10
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,656

    Default

    yes, for the 10 years now. And he knows I don't want children. In fact, this is kinda making him wonder about me too, as he considers the plan still to be childfree
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO