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  1. #11
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Maybe you should try with this approach ?
    I would if I was curious enough... I don't know. I guess, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm actually content. Maybe I just think I need something else because other people tell me I should, but maybe I'm content with this. I think I'm content with permanent stagnation. I don't need to grow as a person.

  2. #12
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I'm not the sort of person who needs to learn through trial and error. I don't do that, I'm not a gambler.
    I misspoke--I meant trial and error in the sense of trying out (just for example) a book club that meets once a week--they may look like an awesome club on the 'net, but perhaps the person leading the meeting is a snob and it's not your scene. You can't figure this out except by showing up IRL, i.e. through trial (and by error I just meant in the sense of the phrase--it needs to be discovered through action).

    But maybe before you walk away from the club, you ask around to the other members and learn that there's a web design group that's quite chill that you might be interested in, and this person gives off vibes that say to you, "I just might share a similar POV and they seem cool enough" so you take action and try out their suggestion.

    This is a way to find your place in the world, with people who are like-minded and who value your friendship.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #13
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I would if I was curious enough... I don't know. I guess, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm actually content. Maybe I just think I need something else because other people tell me I should, but maybe I'm content with this. I think I'm content with permanent stagnation.

    Well we live on a different sides of the world so there is no point in going into the details. But for me this has pretty much nothing to do with content, this is just a matter of progress . (at least to me it is )

  4. #14
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I misspoke--I meant trial and error in the sense of trying out (just for example) a book club that meets once a week--they may look like an awesome club on the 'net, but perhaps the person leading the meeting is a snob and it's not your scene. You can't figure this out except by showing up IRL, i.e. through trial (and by error I just meant in the sense of the phrase--it needs to be discovered through action).

    But maybe before you walk away from the club, you ask around to the other members and learn that there's a web design group that's quite chill that you might be interested in, and this person gives off vibes that say to you, "I just might share a similar POV and they seem cool enough" so you take action and try out their suggestion.

    This is a way to find your place in the world, with people who are like-minded and who value your friendship.
    A book club? I'd like to join something like that, and in fact I've looked for one in my area... but most groups in my area that seem easy to get into are oriented around technology, and only meet once a month. I've already started going to a group relevant to the technology I'm studying now, and there it's a good place to learn about the field I'm looking into, so it doesn't really matter how I feel about the people there. They don't really seem nice or mean, they just seem like generic computer geeks.

    Sigh. Yeah, this technology stuff is not doing my F any good. It doesn't exactly make me want to think about relating to people rather than solving technical problems.

    You know, I'm beginning to think it might have been a stressed decision. Most of the other people in that class are ISTPs. Probably didn't help that my ISTx mother was already pushing me that way. I was being pressured to take some kind of class and decide what I was interested in, so I ended up deciding on computer networking, since I've set up a home network, used SSH, and mess with the Internet a lot.

  5. #15
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    A book club? I'd like to join something like that, and in fact I've looked for one in my area... but most groups in my area that seem easy to get into are oriented around technology, and only meet once a month. I've already started going to a group relevant to the technology I'm studying now, and there it's a good place to learn about the field I'm looking into, so it doesn't really matter how I feel about the people there. They don't really seem nice or mean, they just seem like generic computer geeks.

    Sigh. Yeah, this technology stuff is not doing my F any good.
    Awesome. Not that this is the only strategy, but is one that will be successful if you give it enough chances--finding a starting place, trying it out, and if it works, great, if not, see what sort of leads you can get from others. The key is repeated action, and it will take you to places that satisfy your desire for an exchange of ideas.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  6. #16
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Awesome. Not that this is the only strategy, but is one that will be successful if you give it enough chances--finding a starting place, trying it out, and if it works, great, if not, see what sort of leads you can get from others. The key is repeated action, and it will take you to places that satisfy your desire for an exchange of ideas.
    It's just that my mother doesn't like it when I just "follow leads" rather than following through with whatever I start. She thinks it seems tacky when you just try things and try things without sticking to something whether you like it or not. Basically, she doesn't have a positive view of "finding yourself," thinks it's a waste of time. She's kind of taught me to feel that way, too... hmm.

    So I'm reluctant to express an interest in anything for fear that I'll end up committing myself to a course that I don't really like much at all.

  7. #17
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    It's just that my mother doesn't like it when I just "follow leads" rather than following through with whatever I start. She thinks it seems tacky when you just try things and try things without sticking to something whether you like it or not. Basically, she doesn't have a positive view of "finding yourself," thinks it's a waste of time. She's kind of taught me to feel that way, too... hmm.

    So I'm reluctant to express an interest in anything for fear that I'll end up committing myself to a course that I don't really like much at all.
    If you were advising a friend who just typed this, what might you point out to them?
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #18
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    If you were advising a friend who just typed this, what might you point out to them?
    Well... I would tell them to try and get into a position where they weren't so vulnerable to their parent's influence on a consistent basis.

    But the thing is, I don't see a good way to do that right now.

  9. #19
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Well... I would tell them to try and get into a position where they weren't so vulnerable to their parent's influence on a consistent basis.

    But the thing is, I don't see a good way to do that right now.
    I hear what you're saying, but I think you underestimate your stubbornness/intelligence a little here. You have power (your parents might have more, but that doesn't mean that you don't have power). You can influence yourself--say, by writing down a few key statements that you want to tell yourself, and reading them to compensate for your parents' influence.

    I do this--it doesn't mean I couldn't think it over in my head and reason away influence from someone whose POV I don't respect, it just means I don't get caught up in my head when I'm "under the influence," I instead rely on my own reasoning abilities when I was more clear-headed and read my own advice.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  10. #20
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    It's just that my mother doesn't like it when I just "follow leads" rather than following through with whatever I start. She thinks it seems tacky when you just try things and try things without sticking to something whether you like it or not. Basically, she doesn't have a positive view of "finding yourself," thinks it's a waste of time. She's kind of taught me to feel that way, too... hmm.

    So I'm reluctant to express an interest in anything for fear that I'll end up committing myself to a course that I don't really like much at all.
    Meh. She's trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, I say.

    If you don't feel ambitious or passionate, forcing yourself to be so will not make this characteristic appear any more vibrant than it already is. I really do think finding an active organization, or working within human resources would be your ideal job. You seem to move quicker when other people (aside from your family) are making emotional demands on you. Then why not get a position that suits this behavior?

    And if you're in a large enough organization, you could easily switch commitments without anyone noticing.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
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