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  1. #1
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Default Help my future wife get a clue of social games more quickly?

    She used to have an abundance of stories going along these lines: I was in this job, which was filled with these no-good these and these, and I did my job. Then one day I was told I wasn't needed at my job anymore, as I had been supposedly doing this and this. (which wasn't the case). The one giving her in on bad job performance (or something like that) was lieing, most probably she was doing an okay job, perhaps very good job - just she was just not in terms with the one betraying her.

    She has been the easiest person to point out, to single out as someone faulty, having taken the extreme minimal care of her relationships in the workplace, some of which would ensure she wouldn't be stabbed in the back.

    She's handling her things okay in her place of education right now.

    She's mad for few things.

    1) She's not being noticed. For example, there was a bit of urgent situation in the work today. She tried to get her supervisor notice her, but the customer with fake ID got away. This happens all the time.
    2) She does the official things required for many things, yet she's often told she doesn't qualify, she's being expelled, kicked out of work etc.
    3) She's being told in many official situations how to act, what to do, what is the significance of something, etc. She does her thing, then notices that she's being demanded of something on the base of contract, law, etc. She's surprised to being demanded (or denied) of something that wasn't spoken of.

    I've helped her out a bit and it's improved. But. More is needed than just my clue. I need a clue from you. She needs a clue from you.

    Tested as ISTP, INTP, INTJ, she thinks her INTJ now. I believe it, she seems like that. I say this because I don't give much credit to the theory of type persistence, or exact, reliable methods to determine type.

    For discussion about type, how would you think the (in)ability to resist social misinformation schemes is related to type, or is it?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Sorry, I am being harsh for I'm angry at how she were treated at the work, and I spent the night drinking with her.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #3
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    She used to have an abundance of stories going along these lines: I was in this job, which was filled with these no-good these and these, and I did my job. Then one day I was told I wasn't needed at my job anymore, as I had been supposedly doing this and this. (which wasn't the case). The one giving her in on bad job performance (or something like that) was lieing, most probably she was doing an okay job, perhaps very good job - just she was just not in terms with the one betraying her.

    She has been the easiest person to point out, to single out as someone faulty, having taken the extreme minimal care of her relationships in the workplace, some of which would ensure she wouldn't be stabbed in the back.

    She's handling her things okay in her place of education right now.

    She's mad for few things.

    1) She's not being noticed. For example, there was a bit of urgent situation in the work today. She tried to get her supervisor notice her, but the customer with fake ID got away. This happens all the time.
    2) She does the official things required for many things, yet she's often told she doesn't qualify, she's being expelled, kicked out of work etc.
    3) She's being told in many official situations how to act, what to do, what is the significance of something, etc. She does her thing, then notices that she's being demanded of something on the base of contract, law, etc. She's surprised to being demanded (or denied) of something that wasn't spoken of.

    I've helped her out a bit and it's improved. But. More is needed than just my clue. I need a clue from you. She needs a clue from you.

    Tested as ISTP, INTP, INTJ, she thinks her INTJ now. I believe it, she seems like that. I say this because I don't give much credit to the theory of type persistence, or exact, reliable methods to determine type.

    For discussion about type, how would you think the (in)ability to resist social misinformation schemes is related to type, or is it?
    I am just wondering whether it might be better for her to find a job that suits her rather than trying to suit the job.

    A professional assessment of her strengths then matching her strengths to a job might be the way to go.

  4. #4
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    I am just wondering whether it might be better for her to find a job that suits her rather than trying to suit the job.

    A professional assessment of her strengths then matching her strengths to a job might be the way to go.
    Good idea, she's followed some career advice, suitability tests and such to find a new field to work in. She's not qualified in there yet, and doesn't have almost any work experience.

    For a while, she may have to work on jobs that are partly unsuitable for her - they could be made okay, if she knew how the game goes.

    But yes, long-term & best solution is to work on future job that gives satisfaction & is a good fit for her personality. I think she has that.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    Good idea, she's followed some career advice, suitability tests and such to find a new field to work in. She's not qualified in there yet, and doesn't have almost any work experience.

    For a while, she may have to work on jobs that are partly unsuitable for her - they could be made okay, if she knew how the game goes.

    But yes, long-term & best solution is to work on future job that gives satisfaction & is a good fit for her personality. I think she has that.
    How lucky she is to have a future husband like you.

  6. #6
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Bah, like anything actual is resolved yet. Future is future and now is now.
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  7. #7
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    The OP sets up the situation badly. I should have had the clue before posting. I don't know what kind of a mood makes me write like this? Were I frustrated or something? Whatever, the stuff I wrote doesn't feel right. A product of an evening of drinking with a sad girlfriend, anyway.

    So I'll have to approach this from another angle. I'll invent it when I'm more clear-headed.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think I get what you are looking for, but I have not a clue. I am sure I will need to learn these skills when I reenter the workforce, but since I'm not planning on doing it in the near future, I don't have the motivation to research the subject. I'm guessing there are a fair number of relevant self-help books available, though.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Hi Santtu - I think I get what you're saying actually. It's hard to learn the unwritten "rules of the game," and sometimes people learn the hard way unfortunately. I just wanted to say that this seems like something that a number of people struggle with in the workplace...
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  10. #10
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's hard to learn the unwritten rules even when you're actively trying to learn them because they change as fast as you can blink.

    I'll post more about later!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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