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  1. #1
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Default Tips from extroverts to introverts

    So basically I've realized that I really, really suck at talking to other introverts in real life. Like, it's always a hit or miss with whether we spark conversation, and it seems like even if I WANT to talk to them, there is just a lacking of conversation a lot of the time. With an extrovert, however, it's all fine, and it's enjoyable and a relief that they are more talkative and active in the discussion.

    But really, how on earth do you extroverts do it? It's not a natural talent of mine, and it's something I want to be able to do.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #2
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    I have the same problem with a lot of other introverts. The conversation just lays there. I suspect that I'm a lot more outgoing than some introverts...but that does make me wonder why extroverts ever bother talking to people more introverted than they are, as I don't always find it that interesting.

    So yes, let's hear from the extroverts!
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  3. #3
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    All of my best friends are introverts to a certain degree. I would first say don't sell yourself short since you all seem to have an easier time of dealing with someone on a one on one basis than we do, at least that's what I've noticed.

    Ar you talking about small talk? Small talk can be hard to keep going because it gets to be a little boring. My suggestion would be to focus on your shared interests. Like if you're both into art, music, sports etc you can talk about that. Talk about new ideas that you've learned about, especially if you know it's something they are interested in or know a lot about.

    For instance, I have a good ISFJ friend who's really into 20's gangster stuff and is currently working on a book. Sometimes it can be hard getting conversation from her so after I saw Public Enemies I picked her brain on it and related topics and voila, we had enough conversation to fill up our lunch date.

    One of the things I worry about with my introvert friends is if thy think I talk too much, that's part of the reason why I make sure I have go to topics that I know each one is interested in. For the most part I'm easy to please when it comes to talking, I can talk about just about anything, hopefully th majority of it isn't bullshit
    Last edited by SerengetiBetty; 08-28-2009 at 01:05 AM. Reason: more info

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    It's just hard to keep the conversation going. I've actually noticed that with other INXX people it's very difficult, but I don't have as many issues with ISXX people. And that's the thing, I don't KNOW what their interests are because we haven't done any small talk! And it does just lay there. I really really enjoy constant conversing, and a lot of convos with INXX friends (not all of them) just end up being "Yep" fests. With not much shared, etc. It's quite annoying.

    I just... gah. I don't know how to keep it up. Even when we know about our mutual interests after we've talked about them it's like... well that's it with another INXX.

    Seriously, I need to find some ENXX and/or Sensors to hang with. Or I need to fix this. Because I hung with an INTJ friend and an INFP friend, and with the INTJ guy we pretty much sit there and comment on what's going on around us (or in the movie etc) or we will think of something random to talk about, but it sizzles out seemingly quickly. With the INFP it's the same way.

    This is all strange because it's pretty much fine over the internet.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    My wife (INFP) says she finds it difficult to talk to other Introverts.

    I'm an Extravert, and it's usually easy to talk to other Extraverts, but they can be overwhelming at times.

    I do find it difficult to talk to Introverts most of the time, but it is often very rewarding and worth the extra effort.

    The hardest part is slowing down and allowing them time to process what they want to say, and the best part is hearing well-thought-out perspectives I would not have considered in such depth.

    Furthermore, I've developed Introversion to a point where I'm practically an "ambivert", and I get along best with Introverts who have developed Extraversion.
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  6. #6
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    I can only talk to introverts if I can find a good common ground or interest that will make me seem "worth it" to them. If I don't find it, I always feel like the other person is thinking "God, is he STILL talking?" in the back of their mind.

    Usually if I feel that someone's not as interested in talking to me as I am in talking to them, I'll try to make the conversation deeper and more interesting quicker.

    Hey, it must work since most of my close friends are introverts.
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    But how the hell can I, as in, ME, BlackCat, Chris, get better at this that you Extroverts are naturally good at? Explaining what you do with introverts as your natural extrovert self doesn't help.

    I need some instruction, or pointers, just generally extrovert traits that I can learn to use occasionally. Something.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #8
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Yeah I have a couple of introvert friends I can only really hang with when there's an extrovert around. Extroverts seem to be fantastic at identifying all those little conversational dead-ends and steering you away from them.

  9. #9
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    But how the hell can I, as in, ME, BlackCat, Chris, get better at this that you Extroverts are naturally good at? Explaining what you do with introverts as your natural extrovert self doesn't help.

    I need some instruction, or pointers, just generally extrovert traits that I can learn to use occasionally. Something.
    I don't think I have any specific things I try and do besides what I already said. Even if you're introverted, you should be able to use what I said about myself to help you out somewhat if you decide that it's good advice. You, being an introvert, probably know better than me how to talk to introverts specifically.

    There aren't any specific extroverted traits that I can give you, I just naturally talk to people because it's what makes me happy and gives me energy. Any traits or ways I develop are just natural effects of that and are directly linked and dependant on my personalty. I can't really describe em, and even if I could I'm not sure that they would be the same detached from their environment (my personality).
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I just can't think of anything interesting to talk about a lot of the time. Usually someone else will be talking about something (an extrovert or an introvert talking based on the mental tangent inspired by said extrovert), and then it will be a chain reaction and I will have a lot of stuff to say. But when it's one to one with an introvert (namely INXX) not online it pretty much just blows. Neither of us say anything... or it just doesn't last long and it's blah. We don't get inspired as much. That inspiration just doesn't seem to happen.

    The only time I've really been able to talk a lot to an introvert is if we had bonded over the internet/gotten some inside jokes from talking on the net or texting or whatever. Then we pretty much know what the other likes to talk about from doing that. Like, for example with my INFJ best friend, when we first met in real life we had nothing to talk about, and in those first few weeks it was sort of dry. But then we got to talking on the net and basically not face to face and things went smooth. This isn't always how I've made close friends with introverts, but it's a good example of how it's different for me.

    Ugh, fuck being an introvert. This is the only quality about the trait of introversion that really irks me.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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