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  1. #21
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    I think Introverts are just as good when it comes to yapping their faces off, it's just that having a function like Ne at the forefront really helps, as it is absolutely natural for you to gather and store interesting or odd pieces of information. Conversations purpose is to share information, to make a fully functioning kitchen in a restaurant, communication is important, almost vital. So gathering information to share is the most vital point, it doesn't matter if you have to mull it over a little bit first, your conversation might be a little slower, but it will be just as interesting because it will probably pack more punch (so long as you say what you want before it's too late). So practice your Ne gathering skills in whatever free time you've got, and then unleash it upon people (when appropriate).

    Dammit, I think I'm just repeating myself here... I tend to say a fair bit of meaningless crap
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  2. #22
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    My advice here is to greet them and mention something YOU did. Saw a movie or bought a new ____ album. Saw a TV show and liked it. Then ask if they're familiar with it and what they think of it. This will usually open up someone's views and it isn't small talk.
    I don't know.

    I think its better to focus on the other person rather than going right into what YOU did.

    And at some point, just noting what you have in common gets boring for all involved.

    It's a great way to start, but it won't keep the conversation going.


    Interesting conversation results from the differences between people.

    Find out, for example, whether they focus more on interpersonal harmony or a challenging exchange of ideas.

    Either ask them directly, or ask questions that enable you to gauge which they're more comfortable with.


    If they're focused on interpersonal harmony, find out what they're knowledgable about and see what can teach you.

    Or if they like challenging exchanges of ideas, express a point of view and see if you can get a friendly debate going.


    If you want interesting conversation, don't be afraid of differences.

    Start with common interests, but make sure you introduce something challenging or provocative.

    Don't overthink it.

    Go with the flow.

    Caution and control do not keep people engaged. Nor does symmetry and being too much alike.

    Spontaneity and asymmetry is the key.
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  3. #23
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    Spontaneity and asymmetry is the key.
    Spoken like a true ENFP!

    But actually it makes sense to try to identify whether or not the introvert in question would be interested in debate or a more harmonious exchange. If you're trying to engage them in a style of conversation that isn't working, a different approach might be all that's needed.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  4. #24
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    I don't know.

    I think its better to focus on the other person rather than going right into what YOU did.

    And at some point, just noting what you have in common gets boring for all involved.

    It's a great way to start, but it won't keep the conversation going.


    Interesting conversation results from the differences between people.

    Find out, for example, whether they focus more on interpersonal harmony or a challenging exchange of ideas.

    Either ask them directly, or ask questions that enable you to gauge which they're more comfortable with.


    If they're focused on interpersonal harmony, find out what they're knowledgable about and see what can teach you.

    Or if they like challenging exchanges of ideas, express a point of view and see if you can get a friendly debate going.


    If you want interesting conversation, don't be afraid of differences.

    Start with common interests, but make sure you introduce something challenging or provocative.

    Don't overthink it.

    Go with the flow.

    Caution and control do not keep people engaged. Nor does symmetry and being too much alike.

    Spontaneity and asymmetry is the key.
    So sharing the same opinion wont get you anywhere. It shouldn't be all that hard to have a differing view on something, for example, I came up with idea for Plasma cannon, INTJ came up with idea for plasma cannon, we both expressed these ideas, and they somehow turned out entirely different.
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  5. #25
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    So basically I've realized that I really, really suck at talking to other introverts in real life. Like, it's always a hit or miss with whether we spark conversation, and it seems like even if I WANT to talk to them, there is just a lacking of conversation a lot of the time. With an extrovert, however, it's all fine, and it's enjoyable and a relief that they are more talkative and active in the discussion.

    But really, how on earth do you extroverts do it? It's not a natural talent of mine, and it's something I want to be able to do.
    Hey Black Cat - can you clearly explain your desire for conversational skills? What do you want to get out of conversation/a social interaction? Do you want to learn how to approach strangers and 'strike up a conversation' or merely 'conduct' a convo with someone you already know? Would it be possible to just learn to be content with silence and observation? Is it partly to meet social expectation?

    When you talk to people, what exactly do you want to talk to them about? Can you remember the things extraverts bring up with you or how they keep the conversation flowing?

    I just wanted to know more about your motivations and goals/expectations before giving you advice.

    Off the cuff to answer your question - I just yap a lot. No really, I've babbled and gurgled since I learned how to talk (actually, probably did it while learning how to talk). I've always talked fast and I've always talked a lot. (You can ask people at past meet-ups! They know!)

    I wasn't even aware that I talked a lot (even though classmates, sometimes total strangers told me this directly) until my late teens when I saw a video of myself at my 13th birthday party. Dear. Lord. As for with other people? Being a fellow Ne dom it'll be easier for you to do - I just ask a ton of questions and tell stories. Because I truly enjoy learning about other people and I want them to be engaged, otherwise really, I'll just shaddup. I talk about relevant topics, I segue into related stories and topics, I try to keep in mind everyone in the conversation and I'm mindful of not monopolizing topics or 'air time'. I encourage others to speak. (I think)

    Some people naturally have a knack for conversation but it's also a learned skill. People generally enjoy talking about either themselves or something that interests them - or at the very least, these are areas of convo they should be familiar with.

    Also, sometimes my entertainer/ham side comes out. I truly enjoy choppin' it up with people. Or having an audience. Blah blah blah blah. I own it.

    And if it redeems me in any way, my hand to J*hova, a really cool introvert told me that he liked the way I talked alot and it wasn't annoying the way most people who talk a lot are annoying. I'm not sure how, though. I think because it's not fake or completely self-serving or talking for the sake of talking. Also I think what helps me talk to others is that I'm not stopped by seeming reticence or reluctance on the part of the other person. Generally I'll keep on trucking without (visible) judgement (hahaha) or signs of being put off or awkward or what not and continue to ask a person about XYZ etc. Some people just seem bored, cranky, haughty, cold, whateva, it doesn't mean they think everything coming out of your mouth is stupid or they want you to shut up.

    A lot of it really is Ne/Fi at play. So you have all the tools you need.

    And you're taking advice from an 'extravert' typing on an online forum at an ungodly time of day..night...etc. HA!

    But seriously, answer those questions ^^ and I'll see what I can do.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  6. #26
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    So sharing the same opinion wont get you anywhere. It shouldn't be all that hard to have a differing view on something, for example, I came up with idea for Plasma cannon, INTJ came up with idea for plasma cannon, we both expressed these ideas, and they somehow turned out entirely different.
    Right.

    And it's interesting how two people can approach the same thing two different ways.

    My point exactly.
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  7. #27
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    re the OP - I had to laugh. Usually all I hear from introverts here is about how ANNOYING extraverts are by being more talkative - it's a nice change to hear somebody actually appreciating it and acknowledging that often, without us, there wouldn't be any conversation!
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  8. #28
    Senior Member Sacrator's Avatar
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    If your a introvert i suggest you approach extroversion like practice. Silence your inner voice and don't question what your going to say just observe and react. Also if you like to beat yourself up over everything stop and be a comforter instead with a positive outlook on everything. If you have trouble thinking of things to say build up your social skills by putting yourself in the position everyday to talk to a lot of people. Soon talking with a extroverted person or a introverted person will be as easy as breathing.

  9. #29
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    yeah I notice that when I've talked with introverts about why they find conversation difficult, it's turned out that they seem to spend too much time "planning" the conversation. Like, they want to know it's going to go alright, so they're like, "well, I'll say this, and then if they say this then I'll say this, but if they say that then I'll say this, and then... and then what?" and at that point they run away. When really they shouldn't be doing that at all - you don't need to plan it anywhere beyond "I'll just go and say hi, and see what they say", and then you just react to what they say by saying whatever honestly comes into your head, perhaps after passing it through the tact filter, but if that's too much hard work then just blurt shit out anyway, you can always apologize and clarify later

    Where the difficulty can come in is when you say hi to someone and then they don't really give you much to go by in return - very common with introverts. This is where the extravert ends up having to work hard to draw them out, and then reading on forums how introverts hate when we do that, that they wish we'd just leave them alone lol

    I think in situations where someone seems to be quite hard work, disarming honesty's the way to go. You can just say "oh come on, you can give me more to work with than that, can't you?" with a smile, or "sorry I'm rubbish at conversations, I always get nervous and don't know what to say", and you'll find they'll often reply with something like a relieved expression and "me too!" and you've broken the ice.

    Conversation between E and I would probably be more likely to flow than I and I in these situations, simply because with the latter, you've both got to be making an effort to go out of your comfort zone. Although remember that E's get nervous and insecure too, when we blunder in anyway it's because of the drive to externalize and connect, it overrides that anxiety but it doesn't mean we don't still feel it.
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  10. #30
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    But how the hell can I, as in, ME, BlackCat, Chris, get better at this that you Extroverts are naturally good at? Explaining what you do with introverts as your natural extrovert self doesn't help.

    I need some instruction, or pointers, just generally extrovert traits that I can learn to use occasionally. Something.
    Well... keep in mind not 'all' extroverts are 'naturally' good in ALL forms of socialization. ENTX's especially may have slight issues here.

    From my own perspective, I sadly can't offer instruction or pointers, because half the time I really don't fit in properly, and the other half it's such a natural thing that I have no clue how I actually pull it off.

    One thing I've learned, is that if I'm in a group (let's use the vent channel for the forum for an example), then I'll generally try to force myself into a conversation by latching onto things other people say at first. If it's something I'm naturally interested in, this generally lets me slide in seamlessly with little issue. If it's just idle banter and nothing of much importance, perhaps just being silly, it's 50/50, sometimes it'll work, depending on the humour styles of people present, and sometimes it'll flop horribly, it'll seem obviously forced, and people will just get annoyed at it. It's pretty much random since it's based on the group, and there's not much control one has over that.

    Generally I (and probably most NT's) tend to stick to things that directly interest me. I'm sure there's at least some sort of personality type that just LOVES to be in the center of attention regardless of whot it is, and they seriously don't care as long as they get an opportunity to jump into the middle of the conversation. I have no clue which personality type this is, but it'd definately be an E, probably an NF? I'm honestly not sure, I haven't quite mastered the whole 'memorize the letters and whot they mean' thing to the degree many here have XD In time, give it a month or two, I'm sure it'll come naturally then (though technically not since it wasn't a natural thing to just innately know but meh technicalities abound). Regardless, I'm sure that there are those who just swarm into conversation, no matter whot. But not everyone of the E's does so.

    I think the biggest thing, is the ability to display false confidence when crowded, some people back off and hide when confronted with a social situation, others eagerly leap into it, and some like to 'hide in plain sight', by being in the middle of things in such a way that noone even really notices them. I'm somewheres between the first and last of that, as it'll swap randomly depending on the situation, and sometimes even within the same situation if one doesn't seem to be working so well.

    Yeur best bet for working yeur way into a conversation, is to drop all pretense of worrying about whot people will think of yeu, and then leap into it whether it's a good idea or not. This can often cause yeu to get knocked back on yeur butt at times, but it's often the only way to get into a conversation. Run headfirst until yeu've got yeur foot in the door and there yeu are. From there, it's easy to continue, it's just that starting bit that's rough.

    The biggest thing there is to keep track of where the ideal times to sneak into it are, it's easier to work yeur way in when it's not obvious, rather than being overly overt on the matter. That's a matter of practice, and a great deal of ability to sense how the group makeup meshes, and which conversation parts yeu're most adept at fitting in with. Easiest way I've found is to wait until I see something I just HAVE to reply to, and jump in then with my thoughts; if yeu wait too long though, the moment will be lost and it won't work, so being able to interject into a conversation, or type quickly helps. Personally, I type exceptionally fast, so online it's very easy for me, in person, I will never talk over anyone EVER so if they don't stop for breath, I will never be able to enter a conversation and will be stuck just listening, waiting for a free chance and it'll never show. If people pause to think though frequently, it's quite easy to slip in at that time.

    I'm not sure how much that helps, but I hope it does to at least some small degree.

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