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  1. #11
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    - have a list of topics to talk about . Basically it should be stuff you're interested in and that your friends are interested in.
    - make sure sure that any questions you pose require open ended answers.
    - don't immediately freak out or get self conscious if there's a lag in the conversation.
    - maybe get a token extrovert to join your group

  2. #12
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    But how the hell can I, as in, ME, BlackCat, Chris, get better at this that you Extroverts are naturally good at? Explaining what you do with introverts as your natural extrovert self doesn't help.

    I need some instruction, or pointers, just generally extrovert traits that I can learn to use occasionally. Something.

    You can develop Extraversion.


    How do you do this?

    Challenge yourself.


    Introverts tend to mentally rehearse what they are thinking.

    Challenge yourself to speak without rehearsing. In baby-steps, according to your comfort level.

    The other Introvert will be glad you took the initiative.

    It sounds like you're already trying this. Keep challenging yourself to do it more. You'll get better and better at it.


    Speaking takes a lot of energy for Introverts, because they've already spent so much energy processing before they speak.

    Less processing = more available energy.

    More available energy = increased ability to Extravert.


    It's a snowball effect.

    Once you get momentum going, it's increasingly easier to keep it going.

    But since you're an Introvert, you will need to conserve your energy wisely.

    Don't talk about yourself.

    Ask a lot of questions to determine their interests, and stick to topics around their areas of interest.

    The one time Introverts have no difficulty in talking is when they are speaking about their special interest, hobby or skill.

    You're probably already trying this, too. But keep trying.

    I promise you'll get better and better at it.



    I hope this is food for thought, or at the very least, that you find it encouraging.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  3. #13
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SerengetiBetty View Post
    All of my best friends are introverts to a certain degree. I would first say don't sell yourself short since you all seem to have an easier time of dealing with someone on a one on one basis than we do, at least that's what I've noticed.
    Yep, I've noticed that too, they also seem to form stronger bonds with people but I'm not entirely sure that this is introversion/extroversion related, it might just be me

    I find it relatively difficult to actually get a word out of some ISXXs, others are extremely talkative, it's the same with INXXs, it's moreso up to the individual I think, unless I'm typing people wrong, most of them agree with my assessments, and some of them have taken tests.

    Oooo yeah, nerdy extroverts are so much fun to talk to (hell, it's even cool to just listen), I run into the occasional person that I don't know and instantly click and talk for ages. The biggest thing is that you need to relate somehow, and you need to have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, it's harder to get a conversation going. It's either that, or you can just start asking questions and talking about yourself, which can seem awkward. like - Where are you from? If someone walked up to you and asked this out of the blue, you'd give them the look. The best way to strike up those conversations, is to be observant (this is where extroverted sensors get a bit of an advantage I think), point out something odd that begs to be discussed, it could be their presence, an odd little trinket they're carrying around, a peculiar fashion sense, a T shirt slogan. Oh, and don't just point it out, ask about it, be inquisitive (which is so much easier if the person is interesting ). It's still kind of difficult to do this, because there are no cues, you have to, well, just do it (which requires positive thinking too, if you think negatively, you're far less likely to just do it). *takes own advice*

    The more shit you know about things, the better you'll fare, pile up some experiences, watch interesting movies/tv shows, read strange/interesting books. This is what ENXPs (and probably Js) are best at, gathering information, forming an opinion on it, and then quitting before the end of the project. You also gain things to share while you are sharing, the more people you talk to, the easier it becomes.
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  4. #14
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SerengetiBetty View Post
    - have a list of topics to talk about . Basically it should be stuff you're interested in and that your friends are interested in.
    - make sure sure that any questions you pose require open ended answers.
    - don't immediately freak out or get self conscious if there's a lag in the conversation.
    - maybe get a token extrovert to join your group
    Helpful, especially the open ended answers part. I usually do that, but I'm not fully aware of the fact that I am, so putting some conscious effort into that is helpful.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    Challenge yourself.

    Introverts tend to mentally rehearse what they are thinking.

    Challenge yourself to speak without rehearsing. In baby-steps, according to your comfort level.

    The other Introvert will be glad you took the initiative.

    It sounds like you're already trying this. Keep challenging yourself to do it more. You'll get better and better at it.

    Speaking takes a lot of energy for Intoverts, because they've already spent so much energy processing before they speak.

    Less processing = more energy.

    More energy = more Extraversion.

    It's a snowball effect.

    Once you get momentum going, it's increasingly easier to keep it going.

    But since you're an Introvert, you will need to conserve your energy wisely.

    Challenge yourself to ask a lot of questions to determine their interests, and stick to topics around their areas of interest.

    The one time Introverts have no difficulty in talking is when they are speaking about their special interest, hobby or skill.

    You're probably already trying this, too. But keep trying.

    I promise you'll get better and better at it.

    I hope this is food for thought, or at the very least, that you find it encouraging.
    Yeah, I realize that I do get things going with people (like in ventrilo) when I just speak without thinking. Hrm, I think that that right there is one of the keys to fixing this issue, is training myself, when in the presence of an introvert, to voice my thought processes. It's just natural for me to rehearse in my brain though... but ah, what can I do. You do know me well though, "Challenge yourself" was pretty much one of the main parts for me, since I am challenging myself but I didn't know what to do. And I'm sure you know how I am.

    I just have to try to "let loose".
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #15
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    Oooo yeah, nerdy extroverts are so much fun to talk to (hell, it's even cool to just listen), I run into the occasional person that I don't know and instantly click and talk for ages. The biggest thing is that you need to relate somehow, and you need to have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, it's harder to get a conversation going. It's either that, or you can just start asking questions and talking about yourself, which can seem awkward. like - Where are you from? If someone walked up to you and asked this out of the blue, you'd give them the look. The best way to strike up those conversations, is to be observant (this is where extroverted sensors get a bit of an advantage I think), point out something odd that begs to be discussed, it could be their presence, an odd little trinket they're carrying around, a peculiar fashion sense, a T shirt slogan. Oh, and don't just point it out, ask about it, be inquisitive (which is so much easier if the person is interesting ). It's still kind of difficult to do this, because there are no cues, you have to, well, just do it (which requires positive thinking too, if you think negatively, you're far less likely to just do it). *takes own advice*

    The more shit you know about things, the better you'll fare, pile up some experiences, watch interesting movies/tv shows, read strange/interesting books. This is what ENXPs (and probably Js) are best at, gathering information, forming an opinion on it, and then quitting before the end of the project. You also gain things to share while you are sharing, the more people you talk to, the easier it becomes.
    Yes, being opinionated helps. Haha, and BlackCat I happen to know that you have an advantage there.

    Of course, if you suggest something and ask for someone's opinion and they don't have one...you're a little out of luck.

    I tend to get lost in my head, or in my little worlds of interest. I think building up reservoirs of information is a great idea (especially if it's current information). I'm always lacking in this area. Damn, I should subscribe to a newspaper or something...
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  6. #16
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    I think building up reservoirs of information is a great idea (especially if it's current information). I'm always lacking in this area. Damn, I should subscribe to a newspaper or something...
    This is another one of my issues, since I just read up on stuff that would benefit me in some way or enlighten me, I don't just read it because it's "interesting". Same with TV and movies etc. Ugh.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  7. #17
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post

    I just have to try to "let loose".
    Yeah, I think that's the bottom line.

    Extraverts tend to speak before they think.

    Go ahead and speak without thinking.

    It's fun to get out of your comfort zone.

    Your thoughts may come out disorganized sometimes but it will keep the conversation going.

    The other Introvert may even see that it's OK to speak without thinking, and feel inspired to do it too.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  8. #18
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    I like th implication that extroverts don't think before we speak because it's so true in my case

    which leads me to my next tip: don't freak out if you realize after the fact that you've said something moronic or offensive, just laugh it off, apologize and move on.

  9. #19
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It's just hard to keep the conversation going. I've actually noticed that with other INXX people it's very difficult, but I don't have as many issues with ISXX people. And that's the thing, I don't KNOW what their interests are because we haven't done any small talk! And it does just lay there. I really really enjoy constant conversing, and a lot of convos with INXX friends (not all of them) just end up being "Yep" fests. With not much shared, etc. It's quite annoying.

    I just... gah. I don't know how to keep it up. Even when we know about our mutual interests after we've talked about them it's like... well that's it with another INXX.

    Seriously, I need to find some ENXX and/or Sensors to hang with. Or I need to fix this. Because I hung with an INTJ friend and an INFP friend, and with the INTJ guy we pretty much sit there and comment on what's going on around us (or in the movie etc) or we will think of something random to talk about, but it sizzles out seemingly quickly. With the INFP it's the same way.

    This is all strange because it's pretty much fine over the internet.
    My advice here is to greet them and mention something YOU did. Saw a movie or bought a new ____ album. Saw a TV show and liked it. Then ask if they're familiar with it and what they think of it. This will usually open up someone's views and it isn't small talk.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  10. #20
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Thanks for being informative, this seemed like simple advice but I needed it told to me from the man. I needed it verbalized for me to realize that... and for me to think about applying it to my life (since it's odd going against natural tendencies like that).

    This is something to think about while I go to sleep...
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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