I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know the people close to me who have had miscarriages suffer from sadness and guilt and remember anniversaries, so it is not surprising that you are feeling this way after an abortion. This is a big physical and emotional trauma and unfortunately there is seldom even the guidance of hearing others' experiences before such a big decision is made, nor the support of sharing your grief/guilt/struggles after because of the shame or secrecy people often carry. Regardless of anyone's personal convictions on the issue of abortion, I don't think anyone here would want to contribute to everything else you are dealing with. Hugs to you, and if we find anything that might help, we'll send it your way. Your honesty takes a great deal of courage, but I think even talking about it to someone will be a tremendous help in processing what has happened and will at least take some of the burden of secrecy away.