Hola my peoples!
I'm going through a huge transition period in my life at the moment. My marriage ended almost a year ago, and a lot of soul searching and growth has come about as a result. Very positive things!
One thing, if not the very biggest thing, I came away with was recognizing a serious tendency to neglect myself. I am talking in both the physical sense (not brushing my teeth enough, not grooming enough, not much interest in keeping up on hair care or appearance based things) and in the sense that I am bad at going after things just for me. I have spent a lot of my focus on the wants and needs of others my whole life, and hence I woke up after my husband left realizing the consequences of neglecting my own interest and being dependent on others.
The main reason I am not dating right now or going near another relationship yet is because I am striving to figure out how to care about ME. I want to build up my own life, my own interests, my own education and have my own identity in that respect so that I am in a better position to have a healthier relationship in the future. This is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do.
I've certainly been going through the motions. Looking for work, learning how to make resumes, all sorts of stuff that is brand new to me. I've been investigating my college opportunities, looking into going to the gym, changing my diet to healthier choices little by little. I've been a life long nail biter and I grew them out. I've joined a lot of social groups and met a crap load of new people.
I'm proud of this, but I'm still dissatisfied at this point because it is still touch and go. If I were trying to sort out of the life of someone I loved, there is nothing I wouldn't do and I would be SO motivated. Finding that motivation for myself is the challenge. I am so much more motivated to kick ass and take names in the interest of those I care about than I am myself. I'm trying to learn how to care about MYSELF that way, but damn, this is so foreign!! I'll have spurts where I'm unstoppable, but then it wanes away and I totally neglect myself, feeling lost for purpose.
I adopted the message that my worth was wrapped up in what I could do for others very early on. My Mom was an alcoholic when I was little and I felt most important/noticed when I could help her with something. I was neglected in many ways and so there is that irritating void there which is missing the feeling of self worth. I know the roots to a lot of it, which is fine, but it's the "Ok, now to handle this and repair, grow, and change" part that is difficult. I dream of having that part filled somehow, where I wake up ready to do what I need to do for myself and henceforth make so much more out of my life than I've got going right now. This is my goal.
Have any of you been through something like this or similar and come out the other side with the means to care about your self interest more? I'm very interested in stories and feedback!!