User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 100

  1. #21
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,134

    Default

    I was surprised to find out how many men feel that tears are used as a form of manipulation. While there may be some women that do this, I think the vast majority of them do not. Like some of the above posts have said, I often wish that when I am trying to discuss something important that is also very difficult, I would do anything to keep from crying. Tears never come unless it's out of extreme frustration after superhuman efforts to make something work and exhausting every possible option to no avail (this could happen in a work setting, but not in front of anyone if I can help it) or when I am talking to someone and the emotion is extremely deep and tear slip out against my will. There may be a sum total of three people in my life that I would ever consider crying in front of and those occasions would be very rare.

    If anything, I wish I were much less transparent in those situations. I understand that tears invoke inner bad guy accusations for the other person and also put me at the disadvantage of looking irrational and overly emotional. It certainly isn't to my advantage.

  2. #22
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    xkcd
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INT_
    Posts
    10,733

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I cry easily. Some people do, and it's totally natural.

    Some people are more sensitive than others.

    Being suspicious of people crying is...crazy.
    So when are your tears a serious matter or just momentary phase?

  3. #23
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    My upset tears are almost always in extreme grief or when someone has really crossed the line and hurt me emotionally. (Exception: overtired and hormonal, but unless you were really interpersonally close to me you wouldn't see these.) I don't really get this notion of manipulation through tears. I've always just presumed that other women were just more sensitive than me.

    (Which is not to say that women don't manipulate through tears, but that I expected those same women who manipulated through tears to manipulate through a variety of opportunities.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  4. #24
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    If anything, I wish I were much less transparent in those situations. I understand that tears invoke inner bad guy accusations for the other person and also put me at the disadvantage of looking irrational and overly emotional. It certainly isn't to my advantage.
    I don't doubt this but then, you aren't choosing to cry. It's happening against your will for no purpose. Those who choose to fake-cry aren't disadvantaged by it because they use it only when they know it could aid their cause. Like in front of a cop who has pulled them over for speeding. Or to a dad who has grounded them for acting up, but will probably cave with a little bit of pressure.

  5. #25
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    3,705

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post

    Being suspicious of people crying is...crazy.
    Its not crazy, merely a failure to to keep in mind (broad) differences between people, kind of like an ENFP judging an INTJs responses by their own tendencies. Obviously, some men are more prone to crying than others, but virtually all men are socialized since early childhood not to express anger, frustration, hurt, etc. through tearshed. Some of it is different hormones after puberty, but much (perhaps most) of it is habituated response. Also, crying is a means of expressing emotional reactions; its not necessarily indicative of greater sensitivity by itself.

  6. #26
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I don't doubt this but then, you aren't choosing to cry. It's happening against your will for no purpose. Those who choose to fake-cry aren't disadvantaged by it because they use it only when they know it could aid their cause. Like in front of a cop who has pulled them over for speeding. Or to a dad who has grounded them for acting up, but will probably cave with a little bit of pressure.
    Or a son who is too nice for his own good. Some lessons are a bitch... lol
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #27
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    Its not crazy, merely a failure to to keep in mind (broad) differences between people, kind of like an ENFP judging an INTJs responses by their own tendencies. Obviously, some men are more prone to crying than others, but virtually all men are socialized since early childhood not to express anger, frustration, hurt, etc. through tearshed. Some of it is different hormones after puberty, but much (perhaps most) of it is habituated response. Also, crying is a means of expressing emotional reactions; its not necessarily indicative of greater sensitivity by itself.
    I usually cry because my feelings are hurt or I feel helpless. In my mind, anyone who judges my feelings of hurt or helplessness with suspicion seems just a little bit like a jerk.

    Ocasionally I cry because of some other feeling. BUT. It's pretty obvious when I'm truly, truly upset. It's pretty clear when it's not just "a habituated response." :rolli:


    I think if you really know someone you can tell the difference.

  8. #28
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I don't doubt this but then, you aren't choosing to cry. It's happening against your will for no purpose. Those who choose to fake-cry aren't disadvantaged by it because they use it only when they know it could aid their cause. Like in front of a cop who has pulled them over for speeding. Or to a dad who has grounded them for acting up, but will probably cave with a little bit of pressure.
    My dad never caved with a little bit of pressure.

    Crying never happens against your will for "no purpose." It actually clears toxins from the system. Are you sure you're an NF?

  9. #29
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    My dad never caved with a little bit of pressure.

    Crying never happens against your will for "no purpose." It actually clears toxins from the system. Are you sure you're an NF?
    Good grief, I'm sorry you had a relationship with an abusive guy who believed your legitimate tears were acts of manipulation. And I'm sorry that you are evidently projecting this onto me and this conversation. Really sorry. When you are done with that perhaps you could read what I've actually typed and realize that nowhere have I insinuated that your tears weren't legit? I am not talking about you.

  10. #30
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Good grief, I'm sorry you had a relationship with an abusive guy who believed your legitimate tears were acts of manipulation. And I'm sorry that you are evidently projecting this onto me and this conversation. Really sorry. When you are done with that perhaps you could read what I've actually typed and realize that nowhere have I insinuated that your tears weren't legit? I am not talking about you.
    Dude, I'm not even upset. I'm totally calm. I don't think this warranted a "good grief."

    I just find a prolonged conversation about women using tears to manipulate people a little annoying, in general.

    No hard feelings, man. Carry on.

Similar Threads

  1. Men, Women, and Monkeys (split)
    By Magic Poriferan in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 134
    Last Post: 08-08-2008, 03:39 PM
  2. Women and men: exploring the "wo".
    By Samuel De Mazarin in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-07-2008, 03:09 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO