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Thread: Avoidance

  1. #1
    Member Penda's Avatar
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    Default Avoidance

    Lately I have found it difficult to be in any sort of relationships with people. Either they end up getting hurt or I do. By contrast, being alone seems much easier, even despite the loneliness factor. The problem is that I suppose anything can be taken to an extreme, and recently I have been pushing away even people I have known for a long time. It is even difficult for me to post on this forum. I think this approach could definitely be type-related and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
    There are miles to go before I sleep...

  2. #2
    The Architect Alwar's Avatar
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    I have heard this scenario among both INTP's and INFP's. A series of bad relationship can make one cynical, but it isn't necessarily permanent.

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    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I have not, but I urge you to try to overcome that dilemma. Isolation is a sure means of increasing anxiety and despair in your life. Even if you are introverted and idyllic, you are a human being, and humans are social animals, if even pursued at a minimal level, that is far better than none.

    Sometimes it is the reflection of ourselves in the eyes of our friends that give us a useful outside but trusted perspective into our lives.

    Silentium sent me a most amazing link about useful attitudes toward life. In it there is a passage about keeping your good friendships, and ending those relations that you have with ANYONE that are harmful to you. Here it is, it is really good stuff:

    hack yourself

    Cheers to you, and good luck!

    -Alex

  4. #4
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penda View Post
    Lately I have found it difficult to be in any sort of relationships with people. Either they end up getting hurt or I do. By contrast, being alone seems much easier, even despite the loneliness factor. The problem is that I suppose anything can be taken to an extreme, and recently I have been pushing away even people I have known for a long time. It is even difficult for me to post on this forum. I think this approach could definitely be type-related and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
    There are decent people out there. Maybe you just need to move out of Los Angeles?

    But really, I think this can happen to any INXX type if they are surrounded by a social environment that disappoints or displeases them. Often for them, turning inward to the extreme is a great alternative if they are in a negative environment.

    Although I think INTXs are at the most risk for avoidance and schizoid behavior. INFJs usually seem like the most social out of the introverted intuitives to me.

  5. #5
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Although I think INTXs are at the most risk for avoidance and schizoid behavior. INFJs usually seem like the most social out of the introverted intuitives to me.
    INFJs rule avoidant behavior because of their sensitivity to other people. Outgoing INFJs had to work hard to be so, or else they are close on the extroversion/introversion spectrum.

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    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    INFJs rule avoidant behavior because of their sensitivity to other people. Outgoing INFJs had to work hard to be so, or else they are close on the extroversion/introversion spectrum.
    Yeah that could be true, avoidance does seem to be linked with sensitivity and negative emotions. But INFPs usually appear more sensitive to me, or maybe they're just more likely to display it.

  7. #7
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    I've been there before, Penda. And AJBlaise is right I think, about the impact of the environment you're in. I usually just take about 2 weeks to fully indulge in introversion. You can let people know that you need a break and you might not return their calls immediately if there are people who are used to regularly hearing from you. Take time to do things by yourself that you enjoy, and spend as much time as possible in an environment that you like (I like to go on walks inside or outside the city). As long as you don't fall into negative, repetitive habits or sit around the house with the blinds drawn all the time, it can be really beneficial. Then you can reintroduce yourself when you feel ready, talk to people you want to talk to (especially really grounded people) and don't worry about people who you know aren't doing you any good.

    That's me though, ultimately you're the only person who knows what'll work for you.

  8. #8
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Yeah that could be true, avoidance does seem to be linked with sensitivity and negative emotions. But INFPs usually appear more sensitive to me, or maybe they're just more likely to display it.
    That (although there are plenty of INFPs that don't show their sensitivity).

    INFJs definitely have more of a "shell," but I don't think one could say definitively who is more sensitive [to other people]; there does seem to be a lot of overlap between the two types in this regard and in general. But the INFJ's natural response to overly stressful situations/people is to avoid. Think of the doorslam.

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