• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Avoidance

Penda

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INFJ
Lately I have found it difficult to be in any sort of relationships with people. Either they end up getting hurt or I do. By contrast, being alone seems much easier, even despite the loneliness factor. The problem is that I suppose anything can be taken to an extreme, and recently I have been pushing away even people I have known for a long time. It is even difficult for me to post on this forum. I think this approach could definitely be type-related and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
 

Alwar

The Architect
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
922
MBTI Type
INTP
I have heard this scenario among both INTP's and INFP's. A series of bad relationship can make one cynical, but it isn't necessarily permanent.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I have not, but I urge you to try to overcome that dilemma. Isolation is a sure means of increasing anxiety and despair in your life. Even if you are introverted and idyllic, you are a human being, and humans are social animals, if even pursued at a minimal level, that is far better than none.

Sometimes it is the reflection of ourselves in the eyes of our friends that give us a useful outside but trusted perspective into our lives.

Silentium sent me a most amazing link about useful attitudes toward life. In it there is a passage about keeping your good friendships, and ending those relations that you have with ANYONE that are harmful to you. Here it is, it is really good stuff:

hack yourself

Cheers to you, and good luck!

-Alex
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
Lately I have found it difficult to be in any sort of relationships with people. Either they end up getting hurt or I do. By contrast, being alone seems much easier, even despite the loneliness factor. The problem is that I suppose anything can be taken to an extreme, and recently I have been pushing away even people I have known for a long time. It is even difficult for me to post on this forum. I think this approach could definitely be type-related and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

There are decent people out there. Maybe you just need to move out of Los Angeles? ;)

But really, I think this can happen to any INXX type if they are surrounded by a social environment that disappoints or displeases them. Often for them, turning inward to the extreme is a great alternative if they are in a negative environment.

Although I think INTXs are at the most risk for avoidance and schizoid behavior. INFJs usually seem like the most social out of the introverted intuitives to me.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Although I think INTXs are at the most risk for avoidance and schizoid behavior. INFJs usually seem like the most social out of the introverted intuitives to me.

INFJs rule avoidant behavior because of their sensitivity to other people. Outgoing INFJs had to work hard to be so, or else they are close on the extroversion/introversion spectrum.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
INFJs rule avoidant behavior because of their sensitivity to other people. Outgoing INFJs had to work hard to be so, or else they are close on the extroversion/introversion spectrum.

Yeah that could be true, avoidance does seem to be linked with sensitivity and negative emotions. But INFPs usually appear more sensitive to me, or maybe they're just more likely to display it.
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
MBTI Type
intj
Enneagram
5
I've been there before, Penda. And AJBlaise is right I think, about the impact of the environment you're in. I usually just take about 2 weeks to fully indulge in introversion. You can let people know that you need a break and you might not return their calls immediately if there are people who are used to regularly hearing from you. Take time to do things by yourself that you enjoy, and spend as much time as possible in an environment that you like (I like to go on walks inside or outside the city). As long as you don't fall into negative, repetitive habits or sit around the house with the blinds drawn all the time, it can be really beneficial. Then you can reintroduce yourself when you feel ready, talk to people you want to talk to (especially really grounded people) and don't worry about people who you know aren't doing you any good.

That's me though, ultimately you're the only person who knows what'll work for you.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah that could be true, avoidance does seem to be linked with sensitivity and negative emotions. But INFPs usually appear more sensitive to me, or maybe they're just more likely to display it.

That (although there are plenty of INFPs that don't show their sensitivity).

INFJs definitely have more of a "shell," but I don't think one could say definitively who is more sensitive [to other people]; there does seem to be a lot of overlap between the two types in this regard and in general. But the INFJ's natural response to overly stressful situations/people is to avoid. Think of the doorslam.
 
Top