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being a HSP, living with non-HSPs

poppy

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Wow, interesting. I hadn't heard the term "HSP" before, although I have known people who probably are. I also didn't know that there was a wikipedia article defining "Man Cave".


But don't non-HSPs need that stimulation?

Hm, I'm not sure what you mean by that. I don't think less sensitive people require loud tv/music/activities, but some people like it. I am not one of them.
 

Nonsensical

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Not to annoy anybody with stupid questions,

But if HSP means High sensative person, how do you know if you are one? Is it being highly sensative to exterior stimuli? I'm thinking that's excactly what it is given the context.

Is it the case, too, when you can't read when the radio or television is on? I can't..I need near silence.

So, if somebody could clarify that? That would be great.

As for the thread itself, I think you have a few options.

Silently Honest put it pretty good when he said being assertive would be the best approach. They will become aware that it is effecting you, and you might have to ask them more than once, but I think it's the best method.

If you choose not to confront them, you can try noise-canceling head phones? That's a pretty specific answer, but if you are serious about it, Bose makes awesome head phones that do a pretty good job at cancelling out exterior noise. How they do it, I don't know.

But if you want to take my appraoch..then turn up your television or stereo really really loud. When they come barging in, you can tell them straight up. But I wouldn't reccoment it. I'd do it in good fun, and know it's not a mature method of problem solcing :D
 

Atomic Fiend

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But if you want to take my approach..then turn up your television or stereo really really loud. When they come barging in, you can tell them straight up. But I wouldn't recommended it. I'd do it in good fun, and know it's not a mature method of problem solving :D

This is the funny way of doing it, someone recommended this to me a while ago when I first had this problem too. I decided it wasn't worth the extra noise so I just did what I recommended earlier.
 

run

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Silently Honest put it pretty good when he said being assertive would be the best approach. They will become aware that it is effecting you, and you might have to ask them more than once, but I think it's the best method.

That's the problem. I always feel that asking people twice would be rude. If they wanted to do it, they would have the first time you asked, right?

Sometimes, they need to leave the house and do something else so that the others can enjoy their entertainment the way they like it.

Key word: sometimes.
 

Atomic Fiend

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That's the problem. I always feel that asking people twice would be rude. If they wanted to do it, they would have the first time you asked, right?

Okay, so you feel buying headphones might be the best approach?
 

Nonsensical

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That's the problem. I always feel that asking people twice would be rude. If they wanted to do it, they would have the first time you asked, right?



Key word: sometimes.

I understand what you mean. What I might say as an F to you, as a T, might be a little bit of a roles-reverse, but they need to develop some respect if they don't listen to you the first time. If they didn't listen to you the first time, they could have ignored you, not taken you serious, or forgotten. In my opinion, I think it would be right for you to remind them even a few more times. For your sake, and theirs. If they didn't listen to you, they need a bit of leverage. They might listen. And your problem, and theirs, could be fixed.

If that makes sense.

You have more control over this than you think. They shouldn't victimize you. You shouldn't feel like a victim, because you have control. It's simple and right that you should confromt them. But I understand how it isn't as easy as one might put it out to be.
 

heart

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Silently Honest put it pretty good when he said being assertive would be the best approach. They will become aware that it is effecting you, and you might have to ask them more than once, but I think it's the best method.

It is an urban myth that asking a TV addict will enourage them to take the feelings/needs of the non-TV addict into account.

TV addicts will defend to the death their right to blast the TV into the wee dark hours of the night. They will either become very aggressive or incredibly defensive.

It is a constant battle over the TV volume with a TV addict in my experience. Some of them, such my mother during my childhood, cannot be reasoned with at all. My father spent 20 years sleeping in a room with the TV blaring at top volume deep into the night. :shock: I wore earplugs in my room because the noise kept me up. I still don't understand how he lived with that.

The TV in our culture has this image of being like an authority figure sitting in the corner. Of course one cannot be expected to turn it off, of course one cannot be asked to wear headphones with it. After all that's like asking your parent or dictator to shut up! One must be able to hear and obey the dictates of the TV from all corners of the room. :D
 

run

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It is an urban myth that asking a TV addict will enourage them to take the feelings/needs of the non-TV addict into account.

TV addicts will defend to the death their right to blast the TV into the wee dark hours of the night.

he's not a tv addict though.

I'd say the consensus is that they can get stimulation other ways besides the tv. If the tv was watched for a total of, say, 3 hours total and Kid #1 watched tv in his room a little more, that ain't bad. Not that I would ask that, but I think our rights/needs can meet, and I think its ok to ask them to chill at this point.

Next problem though: Whether or not they listen is subjective, especially since I'm not around all day to know if they're on it or not. I only see what I see. So when I have to ask them again, which I will, I'll say "hey you're still on the tv a lot." - "No I'm not" ...and then what?
 

Nonsensical

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It is an urban myth that asking a TV addict will enourage them to take the feelings/needs of the non-TV addict into account.

TV addicts will defend to the death their right to blast the TV into the wee dark hours of the night. They will either become very aggressive or incredibly defensive.

It is a constant battle over the TV volume with a TV addict in my experience. Some of them, such my mother during my childhood, cannot be reasoned with at all. My father spent 20 years sleeping in a room with the TV blaring at top volume deep into the night. :shock: I wore earplugs in my room because the noise kept me up. I still don't understand how he lived with that.

The TV in our culture has this image of being like an authority figure sitting in the corner. Of course one cannot be expected to turn it off, of course one cannot be asked to wear headphones with it. After all that's like asking your parent or dictator to shut up! One must be able to hear and obey the dictates of the TV from all corners of the room. :D


That's being a bit Judgmental, Heart. We can't assume that he is a tv addict, we can't assume he will act this way, and we can't even assume that so-called tv addicts do this in general. Maybe some?
 

run

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I understand what you mean. What I might say as an F to you, as a T, might be a little bit of a roles-reverse, but they need to develop some respect if they don't listen to you the first time. If they didn't listen to you the first time, they could have ignored you, not taken you serious, or forgotten. In my opinion, I think it would be right for you to remind them even a few more times. For your sake, and theirs. If they didn't listen to you, they need a bit of leverage. They might listen. And your problem, and theirs, could be fixed.

If that makes sense.

You have more control over this than you think. They shouldn't victimize you. You shouldn't feel like a victim, because you have control. It's simple and right that you should confromt them. But I understand how it isn't as easy as one might put it out to be.

very very interesting.
 

heart

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^ There's a lot of people who keep the TV on who do it because when it is not on, they feel disconnected with the outside world and they become anxious.
 

heart

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That's being a bit Judgmental, Heart. We can't assume that he is a tv addict, we can't assume he will act this way, and we can't even assume that so-called tv addicts do this in general. Maybe some?

I was talking about my own experience with TV addicts. I don't know what his friend is, but if he is a TV addict, talking or reasoning with him won't help.
 

run

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You have more control over this than you think. They shouldn't victimize you. You shouldn't feel like a victim, because you have control. It's simple and right that you should confromt them. But I understand how it isn't as easy as one might put it out to be.

Control? That's the problem. I don't have control. If I went up to my roommates room and banged on a tin pan, he would request me to stop. I could run away with the tin pan, I could knock him out with it, etc. Ultimately, it's a request because its not certain that the banging will stop. They may see tv as nothing, and I see it as banging a tin pan. So a command would not work. Although, you're right. I have a right to silence whether I can communicate it or not. But there's also that point of no return -- If I'm too aggressive, I think they will get pissed and then they really won't listen. Maybe. I don't know.
 

Nonsensical

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I was talking about my own experience with TV addicts. I don't know what his friend is, but if he is a TV addict, talking or reasoning with him won't help.

In my opinion, somebody who is a tv addict doesn't always have that approach about them.

And it doesn't matter if he is a tv addict, just ask him to turn the volume down. Be honest with him and tell him that it bothers you. Let him watch the tv all he wants, that's his deal, as long as he doesn't blaire it.
 

Nonsensical

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Control? That's the problem. I don't have control. If I went up to my roommates room and banged on a tin pan, he would request me to stop. I could run away with the tin pan, I could knock him out with it, etc. Ultimately, it's a request because its not certain that the banging will stop. They probably may it as nothing, and I see it as banging a tin pan. So a command would not work. Although, you're right. I have a right to silence whether I can communicate it or not. But there's also that point of no return -- If I'm too aggressive, I think they will get pissed and then they really won't listen. Maybe. I don't know.


I know what you mean. I am being completelt ideal here. I probably would be doing the same thing as you, as I wouldn't have the guts to actually do what I'm saying unless I was extremely serious about it, it's just the right thing to do in my opinion.

But what do you have to lose if you aren't aggressive? Give it a go, be gentle. You won't know until you try it out.
 

heart

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But there's also that point of no return -- If I'm too aggressive, I think they will get pissed and then they really won't listen. Maybe. I don't know.

Well, don't be aggressive, but do be assertive.

Just make all your comments directed towards yourself, "I can't concentrate with the TV at this volume" etc.

Make it about you're sensitivity and not about their inconsideration and maybe they won't get defensive. If they are reasonable people, this will work. If they are incapable of reason in this area it just won't matter how you approach them.

Assert it as often as it takes, don't be shy to reassert. If it doesn't work at all, you can come here and vent about it.

In my opinion, somebody who is a tv addict doesn't always have that approach about them.

And it doesn't matter if he is a tv addict, just ask him to turn the volume down. Be honest with him and tell him that it bothers you. Let him watch the tv all he wants, that's his deal, as long as he doesn't blaire it.


You keep missing my point. In my experience with TV addicts, the volume in the room seems to be part of the appeal of the TV. They do seem to get very defensive when asked to turn the volume down, there seems to be something comforting to them about having the volume loud and general resistance to wearing earphones. There's like something about the TV being almost human, like a person who is constantly jabbering in the background and if they wore headphones this would take away from that illusion. jmo.
 

Halla74

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I have extremely sensitive hearing (I once tracked a very low scratching noise through the house to a grocery bag in the kitchen where a beetle had fallen in and was scraping a foreleg against the paper) and am acutely attuned to motion and smell.

WOW! Me too! Seriously, but I never thought of these things as HSP. Probably because I didn't know what it was. I cannot bear to concentrate when on-going senseless noises are about, such as, radio frequency interference (RFI) (sounds like ghost radio, with whining, usually from cheap electronic devices).

...loud/repetitive noises or other strong stimuli can jack the pain right through the roof.

I am this way when I have either a sinus or migraine headache. I have been getting sinus headaches alot since the thunderstorm season here in Florida has kicked in. :doh:
 

run

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WOW! Me too! Seriously, but I never thought of these things as HSP.

Well I don't think acute sensing (such as hearing) and HSP are the same.
 

Halla74

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Well I don't think acute sensing (such as hearing) and HSP are the same.

If my acute senses bug the shit out of me and make me want to destroy things in my immediate vicinity with chronic regularity, does that change things?

Not that I need ANOTHER diagnosis... :newwink:
 
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