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  1. #11
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kar View Post
    Could anybody tell me how I could become normal again?

    Give yourself time. I've been through some pretty bad times in my personality too, hateful and angry, my outside world was very unpleasant and so I too became unpleasant.

    You can't force yourself out of the way you are feeling right now, you have to give yourself time.

    You are still quite young and stuck at home in a situation that is causing you stress because you are not old enough to move away where you can actually begin to slowly feel better again.

    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  2. #12
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    It seems like you can rationalize that the guilt you feel for liking people is irrational, or at least inconducive, so that's good. It looks like you experienced positive reinforcement towards hating, and negative reinforcement towards liking in your childhood.

    So to rid yourself of the psychological conditioning that your misanthropic dad instilled in you, you would have to mentally give yourself permission to feel that initial guilt of liking someone, and re-write the rules in your head telling you it's wrong. After letting yourself like people, you will begin to experience positive reinforcement from it, and that unhealthy pattern will start to go away. Being an ENFP, there is a lot in the social world that could offer you that.

  3. #13
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    This may be a bad advice but I recommend to just stay the way you are. The world needs individualists.
    Ye are not an individualist by being any one way - including hateful and unhappy. Neither of those are a requirement to be one in the least.

    To Saint Kar: If I might ask - do ye know who you are? You've all ready figured out a big difference between you and your dad - you don't like being this way, and possibly aren't it naturally. Do you know what you love and enjoy doing or being? Ye never said that you enjoyed hating other people.

    You used to draw and write a lot. Do you still do so? Could ye reach out to people, or would you like them to do it? (I.e., perhaps ask around here - bloody hell, two people all ready randomly said 'Hi' in one way or another.)

    Start talking to people, especially the ones you hate the least. Notice what you might like about them.

    Learn to laugh. (You may all ready do so, but I mean in a positive, not-at-others'-expense manner.) Figure out what makes ye want to live more - and that doesn't have to be another person; it can be the small things, like tea in the morning... or achieving something in your work (academia counts).

    Finding your own version of 'healthy' is what matters - that it works and feels right to you, and hopefully doesn't stomp over others in the process.

    P.S. Berb is right about it being more difficult whilst one is still at home, but ye can still have good days, or parts of the day and whatnot. You can start to rise above the situation, even as ye are in the midst of it.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    Ye are not an individualist by being any one way - including hateful and unhappy. Neither of those are a requirement to be one in the least.
    I totally agree with you. It's just that many people turn boring and intolerant once they try to become more normal.

  5. #15
    The Architect Alwar's Avatar
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    How much longer are you in high school for?

  6. #16
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    OK, my 2 cents.

    The wiring is already in place so nothing can be done about what has already happened. The past is the past. It is easier in life to go with what you know than to take a new path. The fact your asking for help means you want to change.
    So accept it the crap hand you was dealt. Then ask yourself how you can move on. Your past doesn't have to dictate your present and future. People can push onto us their views, we have the right and the choice if we should punish ourselves because of these views. You are accountable for your actions not your families.
    Do you really hate people? Do you have any friends? We meet people in life who can help nuture us, we also meet assholes. Surround yourself by people that care for your wellbeing. A shrink would be your best bet but as you are unable to go down that avenue, i would suggest looking online for some self help books. I would also suggest a course/book to help you with self confidence.
    I may be totally wrong about the confidence thing but .. Years ago i was physically abused, it didn't work as i always laughed in his face, then the mental abuse came and it worked a charm. I tried to take my life. I was given help but i hated so much what i had become, i hated people and moreso men. I realised what i was doing years later .. I was hating people because i hated what i had become.
    Noone has the right to have that much power over anyone, yet i gave it to him for many years (even after we had long seperated).

    If you can relate to this, then i hope you find a means of finding yourself in a happier and peaceful place .. and if i am so off the mark, then i apologise.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  7. #17
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Forget about all the negative influence - you're almost done with your required contact with the negative influence. If you want to, you don't have to associate with any of them after you go to university. They don't seem like they want the right kind of relationship with you, so don't give them any relationship at all.

    Look around - you can tell what's right and what's wrong. You think where you're at is wrong. Good, that's the first step - most people don't even get there. Maybe you only enjoy hating others because that's the environment you had to adapt to. If you didn't, you would probably be depressed to the point where we wouldn't be talking today. That says nothing about you as a person other than you're adaptable and resourceful. Might be your intuition.

    What to do for now? Personally, I'd just cut off contact with your father beyond that which is necessary. Yes, that sounds horrible, but he doesn't seem to be doing the right thing in this situation. Perhaps you can get his attention this way?

    Don't bother with your relatives as well, if they're as insensitive as you say. They don't care about doing the right thing by you, and because of that, they've broken the rules of social interaction. You don't need to prove your goodness by putting up with their inappropriate behavior.

    Find some project or activity to work on in the meanwhile - maybe something academic where you can excel (and deflect criticism). Meanwhile, take the opportunity to get to know everyone within that activity - you may find that you genuinely like them, and this may make you happier than general misanthropy.

    Finally, once you leave home, run and never look back. There's a whole world to discover, and truths around every corner. Every person you meet is an opportunity to learn something new. You'll get there soon enough.

    It may be hard at first, but keep at it. You'll eventually discover your calling.

  8. #18
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Yeah, set yourself up to be able to get out of there as soon as you can after high school. It's kind of funny that I could relate to the kids I was around that I wanted to grow up and get away; but after I grew up everyone around me wishes they were kids again and they don't understand how I don't relate to that at all. You need to get out of the environment first, as what has already been said. After that it's a job of rewiring which is harder as you get older, but the brain is more plastic than what they believed 10 years ago. You're also going through a time when your brain is kulling connections, and you will be till you're 25 or 28. Let your mind kill them by using them as little as you can.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  9. #19
    Senior Member Alchemiss's Avatar
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    I agree with much of what has already been posted. I'll add just a bit more. The first is the adage "The arrow you shoot passes through you first". So when you hate/hurt others you do the same to yourself. The pleasure of hating/hurting momentarily displaces your own pain and allows you to feel superior and separate but then the pain rushes back in, magnified further by what you've done combined with an increased sense of separation and isolation. We all want to feel loved, accepted, and connected. The question then is how do you get there in your present situation and beyond?

    Not easy (and you have my sympathies!). My family of origin had a similar but less destructive dynamic of separateness and superiority without the overt hating and open negativity. If you can't see a therapist, start building your own support system - through journal writing at first if you don't have any trusted people in your life (caution: make sure you don't leave this where your father can find it), through supportive on-line communities, and by reaching out to "real" people who are supportive and trustworthy. Build a new "family" from your friends and learn what it is like to be loved and connected.

    Big hugs,
    Alchemiss

  10. #20
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    To Saint Kar: If I might ask - do ye know who you are? You've all ready figured out a big difference between you and your dad - you don't like being this way, and possibly aren't it naturally.
    Well, I know who I am. Basicly. I know what's written down in my passport, I know my past, I recognize the person standing in the mirror and I've gone trough all personality tests ever made. People have always told me how much I remind them of my dad, but I'm starting to see more and more that they're wrong. That doesn't mean that it's still pretty hard to guess for me who I am. Even when I ask someone else, because everyone gives a different explanation. Okay, there are some things everyone agrees on (that I'm "emotionally strong" and "eccentric") but that says nothing to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    Do you know what you love and enjoy doing or being? Ye never said that you enjoyed hating other people.
    I know the basics. I like: doing crazy hyper things, acting, writing, you know, being creative and getting attention for it. I live for attention, positive ore negative. And about enjoying hating people: I didn't enjoy it when I was younger, but I slowly started to. Now I've turned into a hate junkie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    You used to draw and write a lot. Do you still do so? Could ye reach out to people, or would you like them to do it?
    I still draw and write a lot, especially when I'm bored. People say I'm pretty good at it (what do you think? It's the only thing I could do when I was a kid!) and maybe they're right. I've tried to socialize a lot, but it always became a disappointment. I get angry pretty easily, you see. People usually don't notice it, but I do get angry at them and if they don't appologize real quickly, I'll avoid them for the rest of my life. So maybe it's better not to socialize until I get better, but that actually feels pretty lonely and depressing to me. So I'd better get better as fast as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwar View Post
    How much longer are you in high school for?
    I still have one year to go, but it will be really hard to go and live somewhere else. Going to college is so expensive and my parents are trying really hard to keep me here.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


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