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  1. #1
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    Default (Love) shyness / dependence

    It's really difficult to me to talk to people I like in real life. I always seem to idealise or demonise people. If I idealise them I fear saying something stupid/wrong towards them which leads to me saying nothing. If I demonise them I try to become their opposite which leads to me saying nothing as well.

    If I am in love and they like me I take advantage of them and lose interest quickly.
    If I am in love and they dislike me I am taken advantage of and am not able to abandon as long as they don't start acting like a total prick (because then I could demonise them).

    If I'm sure they don't really like me I am afraid of them and my heart beats heavily.

    I always run away from people I have opened up to except if they are like my slaves. I fear they could start a conspiracy. To be honest, there have been enough 'conspiracies' against me. Now the question is "How do you define conspiracy?". To me it's a conspiracy when people talk things about me behind my back and I don't know about it.

  2. #2
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    It's really difficult to me to talk to people I like in real life. I always seem to idealise or demonise people. If I idealise them I fear saying something stupid/wrong towards them which leads to me saying nothing. If I demonise them I try to become their opposite which leads to me saying nothing as well.

    If I am in love and they like me I take advantage of them and lose interest quickly.
    If I am in love and they dislike me I am taken advantage of and am not able to abandon as long as they don't start acting like a total prick (because then I could demonise them).

    If I'm sure they don't really like me I am afraid of them and my heart beats heavily.

    I always run away from people I have opened up to except if they are like my slaves. I fear they could start a conspiracy. To be honest, there have been enough 'conspiracies' against me. Now the question is "How do you define conspiracy?". To me it's a conspiracy when people talk things about me behind my back and I don't know about it.
    Well when I was younger, I used to run away from people who knew me too well, too. I think it was because I wanted to be a perfectionist so badly. Once people found out that I was flawed, I was nervous about meeting these people ever again, afraid what they might say - afraid of rejection.

    Nowadays I realize that people have more pressing matters than freaking out over a little mistake I make. And if they do - screw them. Unless the person is your SO or your boss, let them go scratch their mad place. That took me a long time to learn though.

    As soon as you learn that it's not the end of the world when people learn you have foibles (LIKE EVERYONE), you're not as afraid of opening up (though not too much, that much is right). In fact, they might be relieved that you, too, make mistakes.

    It's a process of learning.

    I wouldn't say that taking advantage of people or getting taken advantage of are good solutions though: they are too extreme. Try going for the middle ground - it's always best.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    I wouldn't say that taking advantage of people or getting taken advantage of are good solutions though: they are too extreme. Try going for the middle ground - it's always best.
    I tend to prefer those because then I don't have to think about it.

    Changing that behaviour is rather difficult because it meets my self-image. Also, I am extremely moody. Most of the time I'm calm and relaxed and it's no problem to me to overcome problems but then there are those moods in which I suspect anyone of being evil. And I can only change my behaviour if I switch to a relaxed mood. It actually satisfies me to live out those moods rather than trying hard to overcome them. I don't like to feel good all the time. It's boring.

  4. #4
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    It actually satisfies me to live out those moods rather than trying hard to overcome them. I don't like to feel good all the time. It's boring.
    Well then, have at it! I just thought you were asking for feedback because this part of your personality was troubling you.

    That being said, I think it does not bode well for long-term relationships to throw away people when something new comes around the corner, but I think that has a great deal with you being young and wanting to try new things/people/situations.

    So do I, but I've learned that stability in long-term relationships (once you're a little older) proves necessary to have the strength to seek newness in other areas (like career, hobbies, etc.).
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Well then, have at it! I just thought you were asking for feedback because this part of your personality was troubling you.

    That being said, I think it does not bode well for long-term relationships to throw away people when something new comes around the corner, but I think that has a great deal with you being young and wanting to try new things/people/situations.

    So do I, but I've learned that stability in long-term relationships (once you're a little older) proves necessary to have the strength to seek newness in other areas (like career, hobbies, etc.).
    Actually I like myself. I don't like it when people can't accept me the way I am.

  6. #6
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    If I love someone, I don't care about how he thinks of me. If he likes me to, then that's okay. If he doesn't like me or if he hates me, I don't care. As long as he is happy, I'm happy to. And if he's unhappy, I'm unhappy as well. I can sacrifice my entire happiness for someone without caring. Then I just completely forget myself. But if he doesn't mind, then I don't mind, because my happiness relies on him when I love him. And when I wake up from that whole love thing, I'm always shocked about what a mess my life had become. I lose a lot when I'm in love, but fortunately I can always remember the adventures that I had in those times.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

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  7. #7
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    Actually I like myself. I don't like it when people can't accept me the way I am.
    Oh I like myself, too. I've just learned not to care when people don't like me. That's hard with people you really care about though.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kar View Post
    If I love someone, I don't care about how he thinks of me. If he likes me to, then that's okay. If he doesn't like me or if he hates me, I don't care. As long as he is happy, I'm happy to. And if he's unhappy, I'm unhappy as well. I can sacrifice my entire happiness for someone without caring. Then I just completely forget myself. But if he doesn't mind, then I don't mind, because my happiness relies on him when I love him. And when I wake up from that whole love thing, I'm always shocked about what a mess my life had become. I lose a lot when I'm in love, but fortunately I can always remember the adventures that I had in those times.
    Oh. Crushes heavily influence my mood as well. But it's not like I act exactly like them. I am happy if they're nice and I'm unhappy if they're not.
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Oh I like myself, too. I've just learned not to care when people don't like me. That's hard with people you really care about though.
    It's not like I actually care. I just can't be alone. My mood always depends on the people I talk to. Many nice people means good mood. Many bad people means bad mood. It's almost scary. Once there are enough nice people again, I feel good again. If people I liked stopped talking to me I'd desperately search for a replacement.

  9. #9
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    Ich glaube durch den Besuch dieser Seite hast du die ersten Schritte getan, dein Problem zu lösen. Nämlich was du hier über dich selbst entdecken kannst, kann dich zu dem Punkt bringen an dem du für dich sagen kannst dass du jemand bist und damit hättest du nie wieder das Problem, dass du dein Leben von Anderen abhängig machen müsstest.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #10
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    O my god. Right now I wish I didn't get in a fight with my German teacher. Maybe then I would be able to read that post before this one.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

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