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  1. #1
    Member nasmoe's Avatar
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    Default Constructive Criticism

    I always thought that constructive criticism is just good for helping people build character and developing as a person and all, but I think there are different ways people go about criticizing someone constructively and some of those ways can do more harm than good. I wanted to see if anyone agrees with me.

    My mother's always been in favor of constructive criticism and some of was good for me and other times it was just hurtful. My mom says I was always sensitive and I agree with her, but I think she could have been nicer about the way she criticized me. If you have a sensitive kid couldn't you find another way to criticize them constructively so that they would not feel like an outcast?

    On top of some kids making fun of me when I was little, which is just an old case of kids being cruel and me being sensitive, my mom was also very mean to me when I messed up. Sometimes she would comfort me after wards and explain what she meant and that was fine, but other times if I didn't clean up or was lazy or when I started gaining weight etc., if she was frustrated enough she would just call me fat or no one would ever like me for how I am.

    It made more defensive and made me feel so alone that eventually loneliness became my comfort zone and I just didn't care to be around anyone at all and I just became more reclusive as I got older.

    So does anyone else think that some people need to be criticized differently, especially if they are little sensitive kids?

  2. #2
    The Architect Alwar's Avatar
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    Being mean or malicious is not constructive in general. Some people are more sensitive than others and you have to adjust your approach accordingly if your intention is to help them. Those with a weak sense of empathy cannot do this consistently and will always drive people away and hurt those who can't avoid them.

  3. #3
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Constructive criticism isn't very constructive if the person receiving it is hurt by what is being said and therefore unresponsive.

    I rarely approach two people the same. If I know they like bluntness then I'll give it straight but if there's a chance that would get their back up then I'll be more gently-gently and if I know they're sensitive I'll be sure to coat the 'must change' with 'but this part is good'. I would not recommend approaching an ENTP the same way you do an ISFJ if you want to achieve great results.

    Imo constructive criticism is about results and should be phrased to achieve the best ones possible.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Its about diplomacy. Criticism, whether you call it constructive or not is good on occasion and helps to identify the areas that are lacking which is fair enough. The down side with that most criticism is personal and personal criticism then makes the criticized person instantly defensive whether well intentioned or not if the body language and tone of voice changes from the message of concern to one of attack.

  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    The down side with that most criticism is personal and personal criticism then makes the criticized person instantly defensive whether well intentioned or not if the body language and tone of voice changes from the message of concern to one of attack.
    I disagree with that part as it very much depends on the person, constructive criticism doesn't put me on the defensive. If something is valid I'll take it on board regardless of the delivery, if it's not I'll dismiss but I won't take it personally. Think this is where T and F have a big impact.

  6. #6
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Constructive criticism isn't very constructive if the person receiving it is hurt by what is being said and therefore unresponsive.

    I rarely approach two people the same. If I know they like bluntness then I'll give it straight but if there's a chance that would get their back up then I'll be more gently-gently and if I know they're sensitive I'll be sure to coat the 'must change' with 'but this part is good'. I would not recommend approaching an ENTP the same way you do an ISFJ if you want to achieve great results.

    Imo constructive criticism is about results and should be phrased to achieve the best ones possible.
    OH YEAH WELL PROVE THAT ENTPs EVEN EXIST

    THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T

    MBTI IS A GREAT SCAM AND YOU ARE ALL BLIND

    PLUS I AM WAY MORE INSIGHTFUL THAN YOU.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I disagree with that part as it very much depends on the person, constructive criticism doesn't put me on the defensive. If something is valid I'll take it on board regardless of the delivery, if it's not I'll dismiss but I won't take it personally. Think this is where T and F have a big impact.
    I'm unsure about that. This is just from my families experience, who enjoy giving out criticism alot whether constructive or not. However when I make constructive recommendations its taken as criticism as much.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    OH YEAH WELL PROVE THAT ENTPs EVEN EXIST

    THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T

    MBTI IS A GREAT SCAM AND YOU ARE ALL BLIND

    PLUS I AM WAY MORE INSIGHTFUL THAN YOU.

  9. #9

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    I practically break down inside when I'm criticised. Even if it's a joke I sometimes take it far too seriously. It needs to be worded very carefully with me.
    Hello. There'll be something here soon.

  10. #10
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    OH YEAH WELL PROVE THAT ENTPs EVEN EXIST

    THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T

    MBTI IS A GREAT SCAM AND YOU ARE ALL BLIND

    PLUS I AM WAY MORE INSIGHTFUL THAN YOU.
    Nah ah, ENTPs exist if humans exist, and seeing as the definition of humans encompasses the things that we see around us and identify as humans, ENTPs must also exist. ENTP is also a way of thinking, and we think, therefore we exist, therefore ENTPs actually exist and you're completely wrong

    But you're right cos you've got a good point, I hate it when people patronize you while they criticize. If it's not in public, criticism is tolerable, you are more aware of your own weakness when it's like that. I hate it when employers withhold feedback so that they don't have to deal with whiney sook attacks. I begged them to give me some kind of feedback once, strangely enough, they just didn't reply...
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