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  1. #11
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    It's interesting looking at the list. My first reaction to the list is to take it and separate everything into two categories of priorities: personal and impersonal.

    Personal:

    Falling in love with someone: I gauge my feelings for them. How do they make me feel? How do they enrich my life? Am I becoming too dependent on them? After that, I look at their age, where they are in life, their viewpoint on their own life. It's interesting how all 3 of the people who viewed this as a choice are TJs. :P

    Choosing a pet - What kind of pet would be the most exciting to have? Which one would fulfill me more? After those two questions are answered, I look at which pets I can realistically take care of in my house.

    Impersonal

    Choosing a career - This one is kind of easy but kind of complicated. I'd just find something that I could relate to and understand, but will still be needed when I'm able to do it. I'd look at the requirements on the job. What do people do in the job exactly? Can I go talk to people that have that job for firsthand experience?

    Buying a car - I would do a lot of research beforehand. I would want to know the things I should be weary of when buying a car in the car itself or the financing. I would look at the car's longevity and maintenance requirements.

    Grocery shopping - I plan out my meals over the next week or so. I map out calorie usage, money spent, and look at the things more efficient for calories vs. cost. Then I start taking that list and find things that are personally appealing.

    Buying a pair of shoes - What kinds of shoes do I already have? Do I have any shoes similar to the one I want? Is it close enough to warrant not buying it? For example, I chose not to buy a pair of shoes I wanted even though I had the money just because it was a different color of a pair I already had.


  2. #12
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Choosing a career - I am currently struggling with this one. I am great with admin, (facts and figures) but i don't want to do it anymore. I am looking at going into a caring role. I have enquired about a nursing degree but am not willing to give it 3 years. I am going to do some voluntary work, take some short courses and start at the bottom of the ladder. I am going to choose personal satisfaction over money this time. I want to come home and smile hoping i have made a little difference in someones life.

    Falling in love with someone - *Sigh*. I always go on feelings. We can work out everything else at a later date. If you want to be together then you will find a way to be together.

    Choosing a pet - A mixture of the two. I love my cat and i do want her home with me and the kids but ... The practicality of it might mean she doesn't come home. Would i buy another cat??? I just do not know because of the guilt.

    Buying a car - I feel i should have a warrior truck as my first car/truck. I think i will not be able to afford the insurance so i am going to have to lower my standards. Does it have 4 wheels and move without making a racket then it will probably do me for the time being anway.

    Grocery shopping - I hate food shopping. I don't put a lot of thought into it, i grab a trolley and pick stuff up and hope i am able to make meals out of it.

    Buying a pair of shoes - I will never overspend. I have in the past brought shoes that looked nice, tryed one on in the store and brought them home and they have just collected dust in my wardrobe. I think heels look nice so i buy them but because i know they hurt like hell, i will not wear them.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #13
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Choosing a career

    I tried choosing using my brain and studied something sensible and worked as a secretary. In its own not a ba decision, but clearly not something I can keep up long term. I'm studying now to be able to get to my dream career, which also took me several years to figure out as I have many interests.

    Falling in love with someone
    I spent a year getting to know my SO, first not liking each other, then bantering about, followed by a deep respect for one another and a deep connection. The fact that he not only accepted but loved me specifically for my flaws sealed the deal for me. I *knew* at that point he was the man I wanted to grow old with.

    I always ask myself the questions

    * Do I see myself growing old with him
    * Does he know, love and accept who I am, and also..can he handle that long term? And vice versa!

    Choosing a pet

    Pets tend to choose me. I take in strays that have no where else to go. But if consciously chosing a pet, I'll keep in mind character, reaction to me, my lifestyle and my other housemates. The 'click' has to be there as well.

    Buying a car

    I don't have a car, nor do I plan on having one.

    Grocery shopping

    I tend to not pay attention to much, except for healthiness. I'll try to buy bio if I can, coz of health reasons, animal cruelty reasons, and ecological footprint reasons.

    Buying a pair of shoes

    I have to like the way they look on me, they have to have that original touch to them (not be generic), and if I am buying them for a specific reason, comfort, functionality and practicality also comes into play, as well as budget.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #14
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    Choosing a career
    I go with what allows me to use my creativity, interact with other people, and, most of all, be extremely flexible. Salary isn't much of an issue, but I need enough to survive and to meet my needs.

    So, I just go with whatever helps me to achieve these goals in parallel. I've found it in simulation research, specializing in psychological research and cognitive science.

    I started out by pursuing electrical engineering, because there was money in it and it was tangentially related to my interests. I became interested in psychology, so I devised a roundabout way to get there through a masters in systems engineering and then a Ph.D. in computer science with a focus on cognitive science. I didn't pursue a psychology degree outright because, well, psychologists aren't exactly taken seriously around here in this technology-oriented realm.

    I had my doubts along the way, but I ended up sticking to my plan. I attained my masters degree and am now pursuing my Ph.D.

    I don't plan on taking on any other major financial obligations, such as children, until I work myself into a position where I can easily afford them. To this end, I'm working my way up the food chain chain, albeit somewhat more slowly so that I can maintain my sanity.


    Falling in love with someone
    In my last relationship, I just sort of "grew" to love her. I really didn't even like her, but I was afraid of pursuing those I did like. It was just.. obvious that she liked me, and I rolled with it.

    So, yeah, that was the wrong way to go about things.

    As I tend to do, I devised a rough plan to overcome my general anxiety and find a meaningful relationship in one fell swoop. Through dating and getting more involved socially, I'd trained myself to read people pretty well. It seemed that I was able to discern whether someone would be a brief fling, a one-night stand, or a full-on relationship within a few hours of meeting her.. what was key was what I wanted. I had my temptations to the contrary, but I was ultimately determined to find a meaningful relationship.

    In parallel, I also wanted to be strong enough to support another person--to be the right person for someone else. I'd read up more on psychology (which also, of course, helped me with my career) and relationships, talked to my married friends about what made their relationships successful. I also got myself back into therapy and tackled my overall anxiety head-on. You name it, I was doing it both for self-improvement and for meeting the needs of someone else in the future.

    I eventually got sick of the dating game and put it on hold. Then, I met my current. I'd recalled some things that I'd been telling myself--including that these more extroverted and straightforward women were probably not for me and that I needed to be the one pursue--and went with it. Within moments of meeting her, I had a pretty good indication of the kind of person she was and pretty much immediately fell in love with her.

    But I wanted to take things slowly, because I very much cared for her. I also didn't want to repeat "rushing into things" as had happened with my last relationship. We didn't "officially" establish our relationship until a month and a half after we met; in that time, I'd exposed her to a bunch of my interests and personal struggles so that she could get to know me. Likewise, I got to know her to a greater extent.

    We met in February. I plan to ask her to marry me in December, once she has graduated and gotten a bit further in her career path and is ready to move forward.

    So that's how I fall in love.


    Choosing a pet
    Dunno. I like cats, because they're not completely dependent and are still loving. My cat is a sweetheart


    Buying a car
    Practicality. My current car, a new car, came with a huge rebate because it had a previous owner for all of.. 720 miles. I bought it pretty much by accident, though; I was on my way to pick up another car, and my dad suggested to stop by the Hyundai dealership. So I did. And I bought one.

    Oh, and I pretty much require a stick shift. Automatics make me die a little inside.


    Grocery shopping
    I've got a general list that I keep on my phone, sort of, but there are always items that I forget to put on it. I often end up meandering about the store and picking up random stuff that's on the list.

    I have no budget, because I don't really spend a lot of money as it is. I've got some systems together to track my finances, so, if there ever comes a time where these systems tell me that I'm buying too much stuff, I just buy less stuff next time.


    Buying a pair of shoes
    Okay, fine, I go for a little bit of style. I used to "cheap out" on shoes, but I don't any longer. Uncomfortable shoes are a major pain to deal with and are just not worth the savings.

  5. #15
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    - Choosing a career

    I look for maximum hourly retribution, and how able I am in the task. If I'm very able, I know I will be able to reach quite a good rank, and thus be able to work less hours given the higher hourly retribution Of course, job security is another factor: the less secure the job and, given the same level of ability, the higher the retribution I will require in order to choose that particular career.
    Now you may ask: what about liking your profession? I think this is an assumption embedded in ability; it's impossible for me to become really good at something I dislike.

    - Falling in love with someone

    That's not really a choice. The only part I really think about is how far I live from the person, and how often we will be able to see each other. If I know that we will not be able to see each other often, then I will try to hold back the feeling.

    - Choosing a pet

    Ahah, I love cats! I just want lots of cats.

    - Buying a car

    On one hand, I really like beautiful, expensive and fast cars. On the other hand, I'd hate to spend lots of money on manteniance. So, I try to strike a balance between money that I will have to spend on fuel/manteninace, and beauty/performance.


    - Grocery shopping

    Mmh. That's something I would really like to be able to plan, but invariably don't truly feel like it. I always look for special offers among the foods I love. I am generally able to find something nice and inexpensive, however I am not that good at denying myself small food-related pleasures.


    - Buying a pair of shoes

    I only like sport shoes, because they're more comfortable and not too businesslike. If I have a lot of money in my bank account at the moment I need to buy the shoes, then I will just look for those that I like the most. If I don't, then I don't buy shoes. I don't love to spend money for clothing, really.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #16
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    Choosing a career

    I'm still trying to figure this out. I want to do something that makes a difference, that I'm happy doing, that will pay the bills. Yeah.

    Falling in love with someone

    I haven't been in love, but I've had some pretty intense crushes. They weren't a choice. I wish they were. I knew nothing was going to happen, so I wished I could just flip the switch OFF. It's not like it made me do anything stupid, but it was emotionally exhausting.

    Choosing a pet

    I like dogs, a lot more than other animals, so I probably wouldn't waste my time getting something else. I would try to get one from the shelter. You know, to do good deeds and stuff. I would also try to get a smaller, lower-maintenance dog, because I'm poor and lazy. And the dog obviously has to be nice and well-behaved. All dogs need some training, but I'm not the dog whisperer or anything.

    Buying a car

    I don't want a car. But if I had to get one, something that's used, reliable, not insanely expensive, and efficient. I don't really care what it looks like.

    Grocery shopping

    Oh, this is bad. First, I have a list of what I absolutely need. I get that stuff, but then I also walk out of the store with even more stuff that I just saw and wanted so I got it. I buy a lot of food stuff compulsively.

    Buying a pair of shoes

    I usually don't buy new shoes unless I absolutely need them. Like, oh, my sneakers have a hole in the bottom, I need new ones. Then I have to find something I like, that is cheap, but not of crappy quality.

  7. #17
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Choosing a career
    Pursuing the area of my greatest intellectual strength was important to me. Making the most unique contribution was an assumed value. Unfortunately, I overlooked the pragmatic aspects of career choice and have a sorry investment to payoff ratio in my choice. The choice was quite internal and involved with my self identity.

    Falling in love with someone
    I was surprised how many people see this as not being a choice. I agree with the INTJs on this one. One of the few things I am certain of is that I choose whom I love. For 20+ years I've used the simple formula of "whoever loves me best". That statement implies certain kinds of compatibility in the ability of both parties to comprehend who the other person is. If my offer of myself is not reciprocated or doesn't contribute to the other person's life in a constructive way, then regardless of how I feel, I will choose another. If there is someone I respect for their heart and mind who values me and considers my love a significant and helpful addition to their life, then they have my undying affection for as long as they desire it. The small stuff (anything external) doesn't sway me in the least.

    I always had powerful crushes that weren't "a choice" initially, but perhaps having had so many has desensitized me to them. Even at age 9 I met a little boy at a church school I visited who paid attention to me, gave me love notes on Ding Dong wrappers, and held my hand when I felt sad. I loved him and only him years after that even though we moved to another state. My college crushes lasted for years as well. That feeling of unrequited love has grown old to me, so it is the one thing I do not associate with being in love.

    Choosing a pet
    When I'm in the pet store or at the Humane Society, the animal I am drawn towards is based on how cute and spunky they are. It is pretty much an emotional process. Before I go to see the animals I think through the timing, resources, etc. of the pet.

    Buying a car
    Safety ratings, mileage, and function of the vehicle are important as is buying a slightly used one to get the maximum discount. The van I have was one of two on the lot. Ideally I would have chosen a shade of blue because I think it is prettier, but I went with the completely practical process for the vehicle because I feel no personal association with it. Although now I hang a funny chubby rabbit from my rearview mirror and enjoy driving my Plucky Bunny mobile.

    Grocery shopping
    Sometimes I let myself go and just buy whatever looks delicious and always combine that with what my partner would like to eat as well, but I also usually consider what is healthy and costs less.

    Buying a pair of shoes
    I do prefer shoes that look cute, but won't pay alot for them. I don't personally associate strongly with shoes, but do make sure they are comfortable. Shoes that hurt can cause so much trouble and pain. Comfort is the first priority followed by cost, followed by appearance.

    Edit: In analyzing my overall process, I would say that my initial step in decision making virtually never involve emotion. Once the decision is made, or the first phases of decisions are made, then I often let the emotional responses become invested. They are part of the final steps.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #18
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Choosing a career
    my stregnths, pay, satisfaction level, job security (nursing)
    Falling in love with someone
    difficult to help regardless- but, I try to make rational decisions on this. Age, character, practicality of staying together. (Usually involves age, location, their schedule, my schedule).
    Choosing a pet
    price, feasibility of taking care of them, cuteness level, type of animal

    Buying a car
    price, make and model, miles, color, gas mileage, monthly payments, price to fix if it breaks.
    Grocery shopping
    Balance of carbs, fats, and protiens. Balance of fruits, vegetables, meats, breads, and dairy. Some convenience foods. Some delicious snacks. (Use my thoughts for the first half, my feelings for the second) Price vs. quality. (mostly go for a lower price- but sometimes need the higher price for better quality.)

    Buying a pair of shoes
    Price, looks, level of want, level of need.

    (Price is almost always a priority in all of my decisions! Even falling in love- price of gas to go visit- price to go on dates if the person doesn't have much money. Sometimes I will decide not to date someone to begin with if it doesn't make practical sense.)

    I'm pretty moderate in the thinking/feeling department

  9. #19
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    Choosing a career

    While I might think about the practicality of the career and whether it will be profitable for me in the future, the most important aspect in making my decision involving career is definitely my feelings. What I like doing the most, what makes me happy and what brings me most joy even if the things I have to do are tough at times. What I'm capable of doing is also an important aspect in the decision making.
    I do this in order not to compromise my own internal feelings. Whatever I'm doing, it has to feel "right".

    Falling in love with someone

    Feelings are the first and foremost. No doubt about that. I believe that falling in love is something that has little to do with calculation. However, I'm not blind about the person, I don't let my judgement be clouded too much by my feelings. I try not to get too much caught up by my imagination, it's the real person I want to love, not the illusion.

    Choosing a pet

    Feelings+calculation. This is definitely the point where I also use my thinking cap. I consider the options I feel strogly about but I also think about how the pet fits with my lifestyle, whether they are difficult to take care of, how much time and effort is needed to care for their needs. I'm fully aware that I'm responsible for the pet and I want it to be happy and comfortable and not just because I want a pet to play with once in a full moon.

    Buying a car

    The first thing I look when considering buying a car is its appearance, I can't lie about that. But I also consider its practicality, what kind of packages and accessories come with it, whether they are included in the price or have to be bought extra. Ultimately, I choose a car that looks good to me, is good to drive, is practical in my climate and that is within a reasonable price range.

    Grocery shopping

    I make a list, as simple as that. When I enter a store, I already know exactly what I want to buy, where everthing is at. I rarely deviate from my plan but I can also decide quickly on the spot if something doesn't seem quite as good to me. I don't go wandering in the store, looking for that "something extra".

    Buying a pair of shoes

    First of all, I think if I even need another pair of shoes (I admit, I have pairs I've rarely worn). Overall, I think about their looks combined with their practicality. It's the feeling talking here again. They have to look good to catch my attention. Looks is probably the first thing, then the practicality and then the price.

  10. #20
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Falling in love with someone
    I was surprised how many people see this as not being a choice. I agree with the INTJs on this one. One of the few things I am certain of is that I choose whom I love. For 20+ years I've used the simple formula of "whoever loves me best". That statement implies certain kinds of compatibility in the ability of both parties to comprehend who the other person is. If my offer of myself is not reciprocated or doesn't contribute to the other person's life in a constructive way, then regardless of how I feel, I will choose another.
    I think you phrased it poorly. You're talking about pursuing a relationship. Falling in love =/= pursuing a relationship. You can technically fall in love with someone, but then choose not to do anything about it. You also can't just decide to love someone you're not already drawn to. Basically, falling in love is a reaction, but pursuing it is a choice. Does that make sense?

    You almost talk as if love were an action rather than a feeling...

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