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Introversion and Speaking in Groups

Cindy

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
I was recently asked by an extrovert why introverts are quiet in social gatherings. It was then suggested that this is because we don't want to look stupid. I'm not convinced. Any thoughts?

Up until now I have just accepted that introverts aren't confident in social situations. But now I stop and think about it I wonder if I've just had that reasoning belted into me by the extroverts in my life. And I can understand why extroverts might think its a confidence thing as I imagine this is the only reason an extrovert might be bothered by public talking.

Perhaps the situation is just too overstimulating for us introverts and thus makes us feel anxious or drained. I know a lot of the time I simply don't have anything to say however once I have gotten to know a group of friends you might just not be able to shut me up.
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
I dont like groups because there are too many unknowns. If I don't know all the people in the group I can feel uncomfortable sharing, but if I do know all the people I can get fairly comfy.

Mostly though I am a very private person, I prefer one-on-one conversation or smaller groups of no more than 3 people.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I highly doubt this is an issue of introversion, seems more of an issue around shyness to me. I speak in groups all the time... I have no issue with it.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
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9w1
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sp/sx
Shyness does not equal introversion.

Shy people may indeed not speak out of fear of looking stupid. However, even confident, introverted people often keep quiet because they know there is more to learn from listening and observing than there is from speaking.

I also don't find myself compelled to talk just to be heard. I'll keep quiet until I have something funny or meaningful to add. (Usually.)
 
G

garbage

Guest
I was recently asked by an extrovert why introverts are quiet in social gatherings. It was then suggested that this is because we don't want to look stupid.

Wow.. yeah.

Those who just can't shut up and listen to the tone and topic of the conversation once in a while are usually the ones who end up looking stupid.
 

NewEra

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Dec 21, 2008
Messages
3,104
MBTI Type
I
If I'm around people I don't know, I'm no doubt going to be quiet, at least at the beginning, mainly out of shyness and to see how the new people behave. I act quite different around people I know well.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
If there isn't that much I'm interested in at the social gathering, and I still try to pay attention and comment while not letting my mind wonder, it feels kind of like sensory deprivation. So what ends up happening is I let my mind wonder, then come back, then take off, then I'm like 40% there for bit etc. Lots of 'snapping out of it' occurs.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
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sx/so
If there isn't that much I'm interested in at the social gathering, and I still try to pay attention and comment while not letting my mind wonder, it feels kind of like sensory deprivation. So what ends up happening is I let my mind wonder, then come back, then take off, then I'm like 40% there for bit etc. Lots of 'snapping out of it' occurs.

Yeah, what he said. I do this ALL THE TIME.
 

Clover

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
131
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
I am a shy introvert, things usually just fly over my head in those sorts of situations. Especially with family, they're usually chatting about small town politics or who did what at work. If someone is talking about something interesting, which they almost never are, I prefer to listen because I am usually not wise enough to comment. Also, some people just make it very difficult for me to speak up. They prefer to be the center attention and do not like the spotlight off of them for even a brief second. Ah well, I do not really mind, they can have it.
 

Kyrielle

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Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,294
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
Perhaps the situation is just too overstimulating for us introverts and thus makes us feel anxious or drained. I know a lot of the time I simply don't have anything to say however once I have gotten to know a group of friends you might just not be able to shut me up.

Mostly this.

Could it be that topics suck in most cases or converstion is too shallow?

But sometimes this.

Also, if a social gathering is loud and it's hard to be heard, I will keep quiet more because trying to project my voice for everything I want to say so people can hear me is very draining. I end up getting a lot of "What was that?" and so I have to repeat myself.
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
It is difficult enough to get a word in edgewise with one person talking to me. This difficulty doubles with two people, but is still possible -- and then keeps going up exponentially until I am left with no time to talk and nothing to say because the conversation is going too fast for me to find my words.

I think this means I am autistic or something.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
I usually don't engage in conversation because I don't have much to say. Sometimes I don't talk because I get easily annoyed with others around me. It doesn't take much to get me angry at someone because of their personality. I'm assuming that part is just me, though.
 

lunalum

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Dec 20, 2008
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2,706
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It is difficult enough to get a word in edgewise with one person talking to me. This difficulty doubles with two people, but is still possible -- and then keeps going up exponentially until I am left with no time to talk and nothing to say because the conversation is going too fast for me to find my words.

This is pretty much exactly my answer. People talk way too fast, and I can't find my words. It is very much exponential. :yes:

...But then a lot of the time I don't really care because they are talking about silly superficial stuff and I'm only standing by them as decoration as I zone out because I'm too tired to do something of interest to me :D
 

substitute

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May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
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ENTP
I know a couple of INFP's who seem to have no difficulty in groups. Even people they've never met, they seem to quite quickly find their feet and warm up, and they're very good at finding just the right words to say at the right moment. They definitely are both introverts though. One of them, you can tell she's nervous really obviously, but it's quite charming really :)
 

nocebo

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Apr 25, 2009
Messages
89
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
7
I really, really dislike interrupting people.
However, people in groups always do that, and I'm always left waiting for a pause.

It doesn't matter if they're people I know or not.
Group interaction is like a black hole, with everyone just throwing words into the center. :[
Everyone's just looking for a chance to interrupt someone, and there's no real connection between the members. It's boring. Conversations cant develop that way... does anyone else notice how more people = shallower conversations? Even if everyone in the group is really interesting on their own!
 

Jeremy

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Joined
Dec 24, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
People often think I don't like to speak in groups. That's not really the case, especially if I know others in the group well. I DO prefer to speak second, after others have started their arguments, because this gives me time to formulate a response.. if it looks like I'm having problems talking, it's usually because more extraverted people have moved on to a different topic, so at that point, I just sort of wait until I have something to add to the conversation. I don't like inserting myself unless I have something meaningful to say (or unless the conversation is just mindless banter :D)
 

Lacey

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Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
392
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've gotten more comfortable and better at speaking in groups, but lately I've noticed something... I have the tendency to repeat myself several times. I'll say something, realize it probably didn't make sense, and then I'll try to rephrase it. Sometimes I'll end up repeating/refining an idea 3 or 4 times. I have to just LET IT GO. hahaha
 

tibby

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Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
I don't like drawing attention to me in big groups. I hate it when they're all looking at me. But in fact - in small group of people - I can be the most assertive and enthusiastic person in the group sometimes.

I just hate the attention.
 
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