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  1. #31
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    But there's no room...
    you just make your own room... if you are constantly waiting, then nothing will ever happen for you - someone else will take your opportunity. I find it extremely hard to believe that there is not one pause to be had anywhere in most conversations.

    EDIT: and most times, if there's dead silence, I take that as a sign to talk more.

  2. #32
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I've struggled with vocalizing in groups for reasons like these:
    • I don't want to look stupid
    • I don't want to be insensitive or make a large gaff & hurt someone's feelings by accident
    • I don't want to talk over top of others, I find it rude... and hard, because my voice is not loud.
    • I don't want to be over-stimulated.
    • I don't want to draw lots of attention to myself and be scrutinized
    • I don't want to piss someone off and burn bridges / find myself in a conflict
    • I don't want to exhaust myself, because it takes energy to be "on" especially if I am thinking about all of the above.

    Plus, you can better control the dissemination of information about yourself if you are one-on-one, otherwise you have to somehow tailor what you expose to accommodate the lowest-common denominator in the group.

    Yes, if you get me in a group of people I trust and like, I can become very extroverted (Ne starts pinging all over the place)... but it still does drain me. I think that's one of the introverted qualities that stands out -- an introvert can act extroverted, but it's still like "being on" and it takes far more energy expenditure for the introvert, and afterwards they still need to recharge even if they had a good time.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    you just make your own room... if you are constantly waiting, then nothing will ever happen for you - someone else will take your opportunity. I find it extremely hard to believe that there is not one pause to be had anywhere in most conversations.
    I agree, I had to learn this the hard way.

    Basically, in any group, whoever is "least sensitive" to letting others speak will always dominate the discussion.

    A whole room of introverts can actually be good, they'll listen to each other and leave space, although some will be too scared to speak at all; meanwhile, extroverts tend to take over, and the less mature ones will not leave enough pause for an introvert to feel comfortable enough to jump in.

    I learned I had to jump in and sometimes even talk over someone else, if they've been hogging the dialog. I tend to view it as important, actually, if only for the group dynamic, to prevent one person from taking over and ruining the whole discussion.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #33
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    A whole room of introverts can actually be good, they'll listen to each other and leave space, although some will be too scared to speak at all; meanwhile, extroverts tend to take over, and the less mature ones will not leave enough pause for an introvert to feel comfortable enough to jump in.
    I'll let you know tomorrow. I'll be the only extrovert at our meet up tonight.

    I like one on one conversations much less. If I don't like the topic after a point, I can't just sit back and listen to others talk and get energized with new ideas - I'm stuck with that one person and that one topic. This is why I hate dating so much - I need more stimulation!!! (um...) If the person is Ne, it's ok. Unless it's a serious discussion, in which case I can (and love to) talk one on one.

    My biggest fear when dealing with a room full of introverts is that the conversation moves too slowly and people are extremely long winded since they form these elaborate sentences in their heads... (oops - but that's not to scare off the people coming tonight, I promise!!!) And if an extrovert doesn't take a break, just butt in anyway... it's not rude to stop someone else from being rude.

  4. #34
    Phoenix Incarnate Sentura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I've struggled with vocalizing in groups for reasons like these:
    • I don't want to look stupid
    • I don't want to be insensitive or make a large gaff & hurt someone's feelings by accident
    • I don't want to talk over top of others, I find it rude... and hard, because my voice is not loud.
    • I don't want to be over-stimulated.
    • I don't want to draw lots of attention to myself and be scrutinized
    • I don't want to piss someone off and burn bridges / find myself in a conflict
    • I don't want to exhaust myself, because it takes energy to be "on" especially if I am thinking about all of the above.
    why would you not want to face your fears? i'm just thinking that it would be easier for you if you started not caring about all of these things - essentially suppressing them. i used to be much more introvert earlier in my life, but i conquered it this way.

    and while i don't think introversion is a disease or anything bad, i think these things are linked more to paranoia than to introversion (i consider introversion a trait that gives you energy for being alone, not as a social blocker).
    i hunt INXPs for bounty
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  5. #35
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Ah, that's the thing, too. My voice is extremely quiet. Even when I do speak, people usually can't hear me and therefore talk over it anyway.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  6. #36
    Senior Member Clover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Wow, I completely disagree. I'm talking to get connected. To engage you and share ideas. Not to hear myself talk or to get in the spotlight. I just expect people to jump in when they want and jump back out if they don't want.
    I only meant some people I have met, it was not aimed at all extroverts in general. I can jump in when I feel like it, but it is impossible if people just will not listen. I have known people who just interrupt others just for the sake of being heard, it is like they cannot stand that someone would get more attention then them. I just call those people rude, I do not automatically think "stupid extrovert."

  7. #37
    Member nocebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    EDIT: and most times, if there's dead silence, I take that as a sign to talk more.
    (just out of curiosity) Do you find silence to be awkward?

    I realized the other day that in a conversation with mostly introverts, I would purposely pause in between words so that everyone could gather their thoughts and feelings on what had just been said. In a group of mostly extroverts though, I just kind of expected them to jump in whenever they felt like it, just like you described!

    It was interesting!

    I guess that in really large groups, it's important to mix it up a little.
    (And I think that balanced extroverts can pick up on that, just like I didn't feel the need to pause in groups with lots of extroverts, they can pick up on their need to pause in groups with lots of introverts. Wow, that was wordy! XD)

  8. #38
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nocebo View Post
    (just out of curiosity) Do you find silence to be awkward?
    I never feel silences are awkward, just boring. If we're not going to talk about anything, then I'll run off and do something else.

    Update: I was at a table full of introverts and it was hilarious to watch all of it with these concepts in mind. I don't know, maybe it was the alcohol, but there was never a dull moment... I tried to make sure I didn't suffocate anyone (I don't think I did but it's a possibility ) but I did notice that people were more comfortable speaking to those directly next to them, rather than having one big group conversation and yelling to the other end of the table. At any given time, there were 2-4 animated mini conversations. It was cool to watch.

  9. #39
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Hah, that's classic introvert Jen.

    Sometimes I'll come out of my skin and entertain a table with my silliness. (My mock egotistical bastard personality seems to attract alot of attention. ) However, invariably someone eventually makes a "Wow, look at Udog at the center of attention" type comment, which takes the air out of me and I end up going back to the one on one, intimate conversations.

  10. #40
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Hah, that's classic introvert Jen.

    Sometimes I'll come out of my skin and entertain a table with my silliness. (My mock egotistical bastard personality seems to attract alot of attention. ) However, invariably someone eventually makes a "Wow, look at Udog at the center of attention" type comment, which takes the air out of me and I end up going back to the one on one, intimate conversations.
    Hahaha, that's so adorable.

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