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  1. #21
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nocebo View Post
    I really, really dislike interrupting people.
    However, people in groups always do that, and I'm always left waiting for a pause.

    It doesn't matter if they're people I know or not.
    Group interaction is like a black hole, with everyone just throwing words into the center. :[
    Everyone's just looking for a chance to interrupt someone, and there's no real connection between the members. It's boring. Conversations cant develop that way... does anyone else notice how more people = shallower conversations? Even if everyone in the group is really interesting on their own!
    Nonsense. What you seem to be describing there is brainstorming, and it comes in various guises and in fact, there's a lot of connection and stuff between people who do it. I was just doing it yesterday, big group of about 12 parents sitting in a café while the kids played, all throwing stuff out there. That's what extraverts do, they put their thoughts out there precisely to see if anyone else will relate to it or add to it in some way, so if you think you've got something on what they said before they finished the sentence completely, it's better to just blurt it out most of the time, than keep it to yourself. They're not saying stuff because they want to be heard, they're saying it because they want to hear what you have to say in return. That's how they connect.
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  2. #22
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I usually don't have much problem speaking in the groups. There is a bit of shyness, but it's usually much less than what I expect. I had to do 2 presentations my last week of classes this semester, and in both of them, I was probably the second most confident person next to an ENFP and a 50 year old man.

    I found though that although I could wrap my mind around the situation and overcome any mental blocks from doing the job effectively, I couldn't prevent my body from being nervous. As soon as I sat down, my hands were shaking like crazy, but my mind was completely calm. It was weird. Also the thing with me, it's probably being an ISTJ combined with just how I am, that I tend to look at things from an "Executive" point of view. Speaking in front of groups is something that I just have to be able to do.

    It may also be shyness, though. At one point during the semester, I was allowed to go up to the front of one of my classes and teach the class a lesson on the board since I understood the concept before everyone else. I went up, started explaining everything while writing it on the board, then looked around the room, skimming it a bit. I knew instantly that I had to avoid direct eye contact for longer than half a second with anyone or else I'd start to lose my composure. I just start to analyze everything in the room and it takes me away from what I'm actually doing. It's a lack of focus.


  3. #23
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    I'm usually pretty okay so long as I actually have something to say... often I i know what I'm saying is boring, but people still want to hear it, I end up loosing interest and forgetting half of the details . I've discovered that some extroverts are just really adept at forming questions, they will throw them at you left right and center... ones that you have to really think hard about. Since you don't want to not answer them, you give a nod and a yes, even if you're not so sure of the answer. Then they'll catch you out on contradictions and judge you and laugh at you. the best way to hadle it would definitely be to out question them! But that's pretty hard to do, if you don't actually care about them... Starting the conversations is where I seem to have trouble, I don't like just asking them something really plain like: what course are you doing? I'd much rather ask them how to do something, or what they think of something.
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  4. #24
    Member nocebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Nonsense. What you seem to be describing there is brainstorming, and it comes in various guises and in fact, there's a lot of connection and stuff between people who do it. I was just doing it yesterday, big group of about 12 parents sitting in a café while the kids played, all throwing stuff out there. That's what extraverts do, they put their thoughts out there precisely to see if anyone else will relate to it or add to it in some way, so if you think you've got something on what they said before they finished the sentence completely, it's better to just blurt it out most of the time, than keep it to yourself. They're not saying stuff because they want to be heard, they're saying it because they want to hear what you have to say in return. That's how they connect.
    Yeah, you're right.
    I think that was my frustration and confusion speaking.

    You brought up some cool points!
    I hadn't thought of it that way before!

  5. #25
    Your time is gonna come. Oom's Avatar
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    I usually don't have much to say. I'd rather listen to other people talk, but if you get me riled up I'll start interrupting everyone and it's a big turn off in conversation.

  6. #26
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    Thanks peoples!

    You have given me lots of food for thought and here are some of them:

    I feel the need to observe people in a group before I interact because (not only do I get to know them and feel comfortable around them this way) I only want to say things of interest and relevance to them. It's a search for common and interesting ground. Also I feel like I'm going in blind without this. Having only a few people in a conversation allows me to effectively evaluate their body language, expressions, understanding and interest but in a big group I AM blind.

    Am I shy or anxious? Possibly. I find it hard to distinguish between being shy and introverted. I don't want to resist my introverted nature but I do want to overcome shyness. Your responses have helped me here. I can also see how shyness could be a result of my personality type. Bieng a 'T' has caused me some trouble and I am frequently misunderstood with my 'INTJ cold face'. Shit, I should be nervous! lol.

    As for not being able to get in a word edgeways, yes yes yes lol.
    When my extroverted friends comment that I'm quiet I like to tease them and say 'well I haven't had a chance to get a word in yet have I but keep babbling thats what I love about you'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    It is difficult enough to get a word in edgewise with one person talking to me. This difficulty doubles with two people, but is still possible -- and then keeps going up exponentially until I am left with no time to talk and nothing to say because the conversation is going too fast for me to find my words.

    I think this means I am autistic or something.
    I do feel the conversation is too fast for me sometimes. Its hard to contribute to the conversation when I'm working through the ideas in my head and everyone else is interupting my thoughts by throwing in more and more information. And I'd better be listening because if I'm not the conversation might be on such a different track by the time I'm ready to contribute. I need to draw conclusions internally first. This is why I think learning by reading works better for me than listening to people speak. It REALLY sucks when I'm in a workshop situation at work and I have to comment on whats been said or present on behalf of the group, ugh.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I know a couple of INFP's who seem to have no difficulty in groups. Even people they've never met, they seem to quite quickly find their feet and warm up, and they're very good at finding just the right words to say at the right moment. They definitely are both introverts though. One of them, you can tell she's nervous really obviously, but it's quite charming really
    It is nice to know that nervousness can be seen as charming and I have used this thought to help me through social situations which have made me nervous. Unfortunately though this one doesn't work for me when I have to speak in groups at work because I don't think it's OK to look cute when I should be looking professional. What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I usually don't have much problem speaking in the groups. There is a bit of shyness, but it's usually much less than what I expect. I had to do 2 presentations my last week of classes this semester, and in both of them, I was probably the second most confident person next to an ENFP and a 50 year old man.

    I found though that although I could wrap my mind around the situation and overcome any mental blocks from doing the job effectively, I couldn't prevent my body from being nervous. As soon as I sat down, my hands were shaking like crazy, but my mind was completely calm. It was weird. Also the thing with me, it's probably being an ISTJ combined with just how I am, that I tend to look at things from an "Executive" point of view. Speaking in front of groups is something that I just have to be able to do.
    I've had similar experiences where I couldn't prevent my body from being nervous but I wasn't feeling all that nervous in my head.
    Its annoying!

    I hope this makes some sense.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Eagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindy View Post
    I was recently asked by an extrovert why introverts are quiet in social gatherings. It was then suggested that this is because we don't want to look stupid. I'm not convinced. Any thoughts?

    Up until now I have just accepted that introverts aren't confident in social situations. But now I stop and think about it I wonder if I've just had that reasoning belted into me by the extroverts in my life. And I can understand why extroverts might think its a confidence thing as I imagine this is the only reason an extrovert might be bothered by public talking.

    Perhaps the situation is just too overstimulating for us introverts and thus makes us feel anxious or drained. I know a lot of the time I simply don't have anything to say however once I have gotten to know a group of friends you might just not be able to shut me up.
    I work in groups a lot. When it comes to public speaking I have no problem. And it's not really confidence when I am with my friends or in other groups. Sometimes, it's that there is just nothing to say. I also find that sometimes there is a lot to say but the situation is draining so I retreat inward just to try and recharge. It happens.
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  8. #28
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I also don't find myself compelled to talk just to be heard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Clover View Post
    They prefer to be the center attention and do not like the spotlight off of them for even a brief second.
    Quote Originally Posted by nocebo View Post
    Everyone's just looking for a chance to interrupt someone, and there's no real connection between the members. It's boring. Conversations cant develop that way... does anyone else notice how more people = shallower conversations? Even if everyone in the group is really interesting on their own!

    Wow, I completely disagree. I'm talking to get connected. To engage you and share ideas. Not to hear myself talk or to get in the spotlight. I just expect people to jump in when they want and jump back out if they don't want.

  9. #29
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Nonsense. What you seem to be describing there is brainstorming, and it comes in various guises and in fact, there's a lot of connection and stuff between people who do it. I was just doing it yesterday, big group of about 12 parents sitting in a café while the kids played, all throwing stuff out there. That's what extraverts do, they put their thoughts out there precisely to see if anyone else will relate to it or add to it in some way, so if you think you've got something on what they said before they finished the sentence completely, it's better to just blurt it out most of the time, than keep it to yourself. They're not saying stuff because they want to be heard, they're saying it because they want to hear what you have to say in return. That's how they connect.
    Just saw this. +1, of course.

    It's like playing MadLibs.

  10. #30
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Wow, I completely disagree. I'm talking to get connected. To engage you and share ideas. Not to hear myself talk or to get in the spotlight. I just expect people to jump in when they want and jump back out if they don't want.
    But there's no room...
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

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