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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Exactly!
    Since we'll self-destructo if we choose to truly act like one, I think that being an extrovert isn't a choice.
    LOL. This is a beautiful circle of logic. What if we skip the acting stage and go straight to the being stage? You know, mediate yourself into it? What then?! Do you really have to act like something to become it? Can't you just decide? (At least sometimes?)
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  2. #52
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Right now, I'm not as much trying to be an extravert, but more so trying to comes to terms with my own personal needs to extravert. It's explained in Lenore Thomson's book as the Tertiary problem. All types to justify their lifestyle fall back on their tertiary function. Growth away from this problem for introverts comes in understanding the worth of the external world and it's contributions to the inner world.

    I was in a depression for over 6 years and took Paxil. The depression wasn't caused by wanting to be extraverted, but rather personal life trauma. Afterward, I equated solitude with depression and I still do to a degree. Right now I'm trying to learn how to spend as much time in solitude as I want without the guilt of thinking I'm not interacting with the outside world enough.

    I'd have to side with MBTI on having a very Te philosophy on life. If I have a problem with my life, obviously the solution lies in improving the level of control I have, but step by step as guided by Si. I just can't understand the concept of being surrounded by people, and feeling energized enough to control the situation by interacting directly with it as it happens. I'd need to back off to the side and formulate a plan observing.


  3. #53
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    I am another one who doesn't know my preference (I vs. E)
    For quite a long time, I lived alone. It was very lonely. I felt tired and depressed. But I didn't even know that I felt depressed. When I was alone that much, I would talk out loud because I got so bored at hearing no one. Hearing myself wasn't especially stimulating, though.
    Excessive solitude was very draining on me. It sapped all of my energy.
    But being with people constantly is draining, but in a different way. I get overstimulated and confused by multiple conversations. I can't tune out background noise, thanks to my auditory processing disorder. The noise and chaos makes me want to take a break from people, to go to a quiet space and try to chase the noise out of my head.
    But, in a more pleasant, less noisy environment, I find that I prefer to have people around me than to be alone. Sure, I like some alone time to read, to draw, to play the piano. It relaxes me, makes me feel recharged, and then, I can enjoy the company of other people.
    But I also feel very energized by being with a small group of people, chatting, sharing stories, etc.
    Or sometimes, even a larger group stimulates me. I was in a community chorus concert a few days ago, and we had a reception, and I got to visit with friends, and it was fun, and I got energy from being with them.
    Since I really don't know if I prefer I or E, do I actually consciously make a choice?
    Or does one of the two choose me???
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

  4. #54
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I've started to notice myself as being in a cycle with my energy. I tend to spend a lot of time doing something active or interacting with people until I feel drained, then I spend time alone until I recharge, and then I want to go do something active or talk to people, restarting the process. It's like I build the energy, then use it, then build it, then use it, rinse and repeat.


  5. #55
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    ....despite the guilt that I felt for losing touch with some people in my life.
    Just a thought on that.... That particular statement --- I feel that way. I occasionally feel guilt for not "keeping in touch" with people. I know it might sound bad, but I usually only talk to people if it benefits me somehow. (This means people other than family and my select few friends.) Unless I need to be talking to them, or helping them out, learning something from them, etc, I don't talk to them.

    So, is that pure selfishness on my part? Or is this guilt something I should ignore?

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  6. #56
    Senior Member Jeremy's Avatar
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    I don't know if I'd want to choose to be so anyway. The benefits are there, but there are cons as well.. for instance, would I still be "me" if I decided to suddenly change into an extrovert? I don't think I would be. Part of who I am is a quiet, listen first-then act sort of person. I like being an introvert, so I don't think I'd want to change, even if it was a choice.
    "Can you set me free from this dark inner world? Save me now, last beats in the soul.."

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  7. #57
    Senior Member Snowey1210's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    Okay, I read more into the OP than, perhaps, was written. And, I certainly wasn't taking anything in the thread personally. But, I challenge the sentiment that I/E preferences are a choice and they can be changed. It's frequently extraverts that hold this sentiment, too, it seems.
    It was never the intention of my argument to state that Extraverts should become Introverts, or visa versa, I was merely commenting upon the ability for a person to choose to do so. Balance is the key in most instances.

    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid
    You cannot change who you really are? Who are you, really? You can let biology give you the answer, or you can be the biology and give your own answer. I am who I choose to be. Whether you're an introvert or extrovert is irrelevant when it comes to the big picture. It's what you do with it that matters.

    How many of us are petrified of change? How many of us are petrified of growth because we think it is change? And how many of the greatest things that we've ever done were easy to do? How often does genuine growth and advancement come from staying inside our comfort zones? And more importantly, how often do we use other people's shortcomings as excuses to accept our own shortcomings, instead of actually working on them?
    Wow! I don't I've ever read such a poignant post on this forum.
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  8. #58
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    Just a thought on that.... That particular statement --- I feel that way. I occasionally feel guilt for not "keeping in touch" with people. I know it might sound bad, but I usually only talk to people if it benefits me somehow. (This means people other than family and my select few friends.) Unless I need to be talking to them, or helping them out, learning something from them, etc, I don't talk to them.

    So, is that pure selfishness on my part? Or is this guilt something I should ignore?
    Pure selfishness to me suggests that you're willing to step on other people to get what you want, with no regard for their well-being. As long as you're not actively harming others for personal gain, then you shouldn't feel guilty. Remember that everybody has their own shit to deal with, so you're probably not very high on a lot of people's lists of priorities. There will be exceptions, of course (romantic partners, family), but I think you'll find most people won't take it personally.
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  9. #59
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowey1210 View Post
    It was never the intention of my argument to state that Extraverts should become Introverts, or visa versa, I was merely commenting upon the ability for a person to choose to do so. Balance is the key in most instances.
    But, doesn't a "choice" also suggest an ability to actively change?
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  10. #60
    Senior Member Snowey1210's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    But, doesn't a "choice" also suggest an ability to actively change?
    Yes, I guess it depends how you perceive the input that you have with regards the "choices" that occur within your life. Are "choices" predetermined by your biology? Or do you have the power to actively change your life in such a way, so as to cause your brain to adapt to these changes? For example, if I as an "Extravert" choose to spend more time alone, and internalise my thinking more (as painful as this might be), can I change who I am?

    This really isn't isn't clear with our current understandings regarding the brain, however there is no doubt that there are some aspects of our brain that are fixed, whilst others can be manipulated, and it is my personal belief that Extraversion/Introversion is one of these. Making a "choice" isn't always congruent with changing oneself however I still believe that it is something that we can consciously choose to do if we apply ourselves the required amount (which will no doubt vary from person to person).
    Good Dog Nigel

    Arf, arf, he goes, a merry sight,
    Our little hairy friend,
    Arf, arf, upon the lampost bright
    Arfing round the bend.
    Nice dog! Goo boy,
    Waggie tail and beg,
    Clever Nigel, jump for joy
    Because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel. -John Lennon

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