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  1. #11
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I wrote another post about this at MBTI Nebulous so I'm going to post some of it and expand on it.
    ===========================
    My friends took me out for my birthday to this place in DC called Busboys and Poets.

    The minute I stepped into that place, I felt like I was at home. It was such a great atmosphere with people that I know I could vibe with. This guy came up to me and asked me to shake someone's hand like I know them. It was an April Fools day prank that I was partially the butt of, but I got a free little bottle of Moet for my part in the shenanigans.

    I like being in places like that, they make me feel happy. Sometimes I like to be in really crowded places and feel the energy of the people washing over me. I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival and there were so many people crowded everywhere. Kids running around, traffic, sirens, water, everything.

    I don't have much of a problem with having people in my personal space. Crowded places don't bother me, they make me feel like I'm in an envelope. My friends and I were talking about how dirty the streets were, but even the dirt was appealing.

    It reminds me of the scene from the most recent Superman where he just floats in space, hovering above Earth and listening.

    When I'm with people, I feel a little detached and sometimes. It lasts no longer than a few minutes and I have a little out of body experience and I digest what I'm doing. Sometimes when I'm out with people, I'm laughing and talking but I'm not even really there, I'm just coasting. Once I got on an elevator and it seemed to me that I went from the ground floor to the 22nd floor in the blink of an eye. I've incorporated these spaz moments into my shtick with people. They'll see me zone out and ask me where I went and everybody gets a good laugh.

    The form the stimulation takes doesn't really matter to me, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I just go over to my closest (distance-wise) friends place and we just watch TV and talk and that's satisfactory. Sometimes I go to a dinner and movies with my friends and that's enough. Sometimes I call people up and chat for a couple of hours. Sometimes we hang out around the monuments till the sun comes up. Sometimes I book my enter week. Some weeks I don't do anything. This past February I was out every single day and got up and went to work on the weekdays. I did it purposefully to see how much I could take. I will never do that again, I was so tired, but it was a good tired. I think that's when I lose my stopping sense, like a lab rat who has pushes a button and gets little shocks to the pleasure centers of the brain and passes out in exhaustion.

    This summer, I've been by myself a lot. I have the place to myself and I'm LOVIN it! When I want to be by myself, I go to the mall and walk around or go to a museum or I go for a walk somewhere. My favorite solitary activity is driving. My sis gave me her Garmin and I just drive, I don't care how much the gas costs and I turn up my music really loud and just drive. I usually go and drive someplace I've never gone. Sometimes I'll ride the subway back and forth until I'm ready to go home.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #12
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    That's helpful. Thanks.
    We are not poets
    We have no right to make amendments

  3. #13
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proteanmix
    What stimulates you? How much stimulation do you need? What is your internal world like? How much alone time do you need and how often do you need it? What comes along with being an extrovert that most people don't realize?

    Thank you for your participation. You may return to your regularly scheduled extroverted activities.
    Stimulation for me is having many 'projects' going at once. I consider it be like a great analogy I heard the other day about a completely different subject but it related to my extroversion. It's like the jugglers who spin a plate, then while that plate is spinning you must start the others until you have all the plates spinning. I like to have quite a few projects spinning at once. I get over-stimulated quite easily which is something that people may not know about *some* extraverts. LLNF hit the nail on the head for me with that. When I am around large groups of people I notice quite a few details other people may not. 'Hidden communication' is always on my mind-even when I would like to shut if off and just relax. When I get around too many people all of those 'signals' are coming at me at once. My brain I guess is slow lol because all of the information has to be processed. Too much information and I get overwhelmed. I sometimes wonder if this is similar to introversion.

    I work with people all day long and there is little doubt that I am an extravert. However I absolutely abhor things like music concerts. I cannot stand being in close proximity with lots of people. I can speak in public/large groups better then anyone else I have ever known in a relaxed state. I can handle being the center of attention for awhile but not too long. I am generally thinking of how to escape this attention because with it comes real or imagined expectations. I have a high need for personal space...something else people may not know about some extraverts. I do not care for people who are overly touchy-feely, suffocating me and being in my face. My physical boundaries are often violated I think due to my friendliness at times. I am lucky because as I have gotten older I let people know that they are too close to me and no longer allow it to be violated. I am very respectful of others boundaries as well.

    My internal world is a very busy place to be. I always think ahead of myself and I am not sure if that makes sense. I am not considering what you say to me atm I am thinking around it. I also have a hard time putting my thoughts into words on occasion though that may not be related to extraversion. It's like I have to shut out all incoming information (which is hard) and really focus. I do need alone time more than a 'normal' extravert may. It took me until my early 20's though to figure this out. I think it was an MBTI description that led me to realize this so it wasn't me who actually saw this need. I truly enjoy alone time now whereas it used to bother me.

    I do need stimulation and other people to keep myself going. I need my little agendas and people to work with. I guess in a sense other people are my purpose. I build goals, work hard and get people to help me. In turn I attempt to help them help themselves. I am focused on time management probably more then some extraverts too. I feel like I need to keep things flowing most of the time. People can in my view be assets or liabilities to a goal. I want everyone in my circle to be an asset and share the same or similar goal. I love to hear people's ideas thoughts and feelings most certainly people who are positive. I guess being an extravert for me is in a sense enjoyment of variety.


    *forgive the rambling *
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  4. #14
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    I work with people all day long and there is little doubt that I am an extravert. However I absolutely abhor things like music concerts. I cannot stand being in close proximity with lots of people. I can speak in public/large groups better then anyone else I have ever known in a relaxed state. I can handle being the center of attention for awhile but not too long. I am generally thinking of how to escape this attention because with it comes real or imagined expectations. I have a high need for personal space...something else people may not know about some extraverts. I do not care for people who are overly touchy-feely, suffocating me and being in my face. My physical boundaries are often violated I think due to my friendliness at times. I am lucky because as I have gotten older I let people know that they are too close to me and no longer allow it to be violated. I am very respectful of others boundaries as well.

    My internal world is a very busy place to be. I always think ahead of myself and I am not sure if that makes sense. I am not considering what you say to me atm I am thinking around it. I also have a hard time putting my thoughts into words on occasion though that may not be related to extraversion. It's like I have to shut out all incoming information (which is hard) and really focus. I do need alone time more than a 'normal' extravert may. It took me until my early 20's though to figure this out. I think it was an MBTI description that led me to realize this so it wasn't me who actually saw this need. I truly enjoy alone time now whereas it used to bother me.

    When I am around large groups of people I notice quite a few details other people may not. 'Hidden communication' is always on my mind-even when I would like to shut if off and just relax. When I get around too many people all of those 'signals' are coming at me at once. My brain I guess is slow lol because all of the information has to be processed. Too much information and I get overwhelmed. I sometimes wonder if this is similar to introversion.
    Holy Cow!
    Lookin4
    That's it!


    ps: going to bjork's MSG concert, going to be standing in the pit...I will prob lose my mind but I needed to be as close as possible. I will prob be overstimulated for days and days!
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  5. #15
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I feel immersed in the outside world. Sometimes it feels like a river and I am flowing with the current, striking blows in order to change direction, slowly, without any unnecessary mess, trying to gain advatange of the waves made by the people that are rushing along. Some other times, when this phenomena is emphasized, I feel like my mind is empty, and I am only reacting to outside stimuli without any conscious veil between my perception and my action. The happenings capable of triggering this state are dancing, and sex.

    I don't mind having alone time. Usually, I think about what has happened whlist I was in the outside world, and try to think about the alternate scenarios that played out synchronously - scenarios involving the people I know - and I project them onto the future. Obviously, time alone is also used to study. However, I strongly prefer if there is a form of stimulation in the background, since I am more easily activated this way.
    Sometimes I use my time along purely to relax. Sit in bed, do nothing, think about nothing, and let time pass enjoying inactivity.

  6. #16
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    I read bits and pieces of what everyone has to say on how they are extroverts.... I am trying to describe it to you who are not.

    I have been reminded of little thing about me especially from my younger years.

    I remember going to a comedy club once with my now husband and a bunch of friends, and the comedian was talking about a topic that I happen to know a fair amount on (rednecks, 4X4's and small towns) I was in hysterics at all that came out of his mouth, and he decided that I would be perfect to tease through out his set (which I was) And I was rewarded with a nice shooter because I played along so well.

    But it has always been known that I can take a joke, that I am there for a good time, I absorb all the good energy that people are having and I love it. I still need frequent trips to the bathroom though to collect myself or even a moment outside to catch a break from it all and when I get home I am ellated and drained all at the same time. I always look for the next time when I can do it again yet I am never in a hurry for it to happen.



    I also never seem to need complete silence as I am not distracted by what is going on around me if I am engrosed in something, as I can get lost in my thoughts and forget that there is a world happening around me. I hate complete silence though, I like to have back ground noise at all times. I have been one who can walk and read, or listen to the radio and read at the same time and it doesn't take away from me grasping what I am reading or what I am doing.

    There are times when I have had enough and I retreat to a hot bath where I just stop and collect myself and my thoughts. Like another E said I can be living 2 lives at once I can be there in the moment with you enjoying my extrovertion YET at the same time be having a moment in my head that is gathering information and just being at peace with me, even in and amunst the chaos.

    and since I always seem to have 2 lives happening at once I feel rather scatterbrained and am wondering if what I just wrote made any sense what so ever.....
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matt22 View Post
    I think this nails it. What separates the two introverts in my family from the three extroverts is that the introverts can and like to spend long periods of time alone. They don't get bored.
    Definitely, the introverts I know also seem to be far more patient because of it. If they have to wait for something they can just "think" and it's nearly like a hobby.

  8. #18
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    When any extroverts out there can tear themselves away from the party they're currently attending (), please take a moment to explain how you experience extroversion.

    What stimulates you? How much stimulation do you need? What is your internal world like? How much alone time do you need and how often do you need it? What comes along with being an extrovert that most people don't realize?

    Thank you for your participation. You may return to your regularly scheduled extroverted activities.
    What stimulates me? Lots of things, but I think the ideal situation is something like this. I like being in a group where there is a free-flowing exchange of ideas. The ideas ideally are of a nature that is hypothetical, theoretical, metaphorical, clever, witty, self-actualizing or something similar. I love to brainstorm about hypotheticals. I love discovering new ideas, and thinking of the possibilities that they create. Also I love games. If I can get a decent sized group together to play games, then I am in heaven. The more more unusual or novel the game is, the more I like it. Also, I love being in projects where there is collaborative creativity. (It's one big reason I am attracted to performing arts.)

    How much stimulation do I need? It's hard to say. My NT nature drives me toward typically introverted activities, but the longer I introvert the less my mind becomes focused. Eventually I feel drained and then depressed. Being around people or lots of excitement really fuels me back up. Although I prefer N type stimulation. If I am around a lot of S's then I feel like I am running on unleaded instead of premium.

    What is my internal world like? Always on. Overpowering at times. Sometimes my mind just jumps from topic to topic to topic in the period of a few seconds. Sometimes I create a bunch of fictional scenarios in my head. Other times I am making more coherant stories. Sometimes I'm just trying to reach conclusions based on my observations. Sometimes I am trying to create a new process. Sometimes my mind goes really fast and I have no power to turn it off or slow it down. The best times are when I find something really inspirational. I can use that inspiration to devise something wonderful, and then infect other people with my enthusiasm.

    How much alone time do I need and how often do I need it? Generally there are two instances when I feel like I need alone time. One is in the morning, I usually pray, meditate, have some type of devotion, etc... in order to get my mind and attitude ready to be prepared for the day. The other is when I get home from work I like to be left alone for a while since work days can often be draining and I need some activity that will stimulate my mind while also feeling like I am in an unstructured environment. Depending on the day I may only need a few minutes to myself, but sometimes I need a lot more just to feel like I've slacked off enough to balance off the daily corporate productivity.

    What comes along with being an extrovert that most people don't realize? I'm not sure it's "just" being an extrovert that is a problem for me. Rather it is that my four letters E, N, T, and P seem to be in constant conflict with one another. Most NT activities are introverted in nature. So then I need other activities which are more extraverted in nature. But if I do that my life becomes so planned out that my P-side starts to rebel, because it feels smothered and closed in. So to satisfy my P-side either the E or the NT has to take a back seat. I can't seem to find a way to balance them all.
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  9. #19
    Member Theory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    There is always a part of me that is alone. I can be in the company of dozens of people and I could be conversing with them or whatever and still I'm truly alone outside of the scene observing.

    I am easily overwhelmed when I'm around to many people. I pick up on so much from people both spoken and unspoken that I often find the need to get away from the stimulation.

    I am perfectly happy with a book at home alone. I find that when I'm with people I feel like I have to entertain them. I like when I'm with my close friends because I know that we can be together and I don't have to chat to them if I don't want to. I have a reputation for being chatty and bouncy but my real friends know that I'm more likely to want to simply sit and read or be on the computer or write.

    My inner life. Sometimes I want to shut it off. I am constantly thinking analyzing, wondering. I sometimes wish I could be like people think most extroverts are.

    What people might not know....extroversion can be tiring. Very often people rely on me to "get the party started" and I've come to feel almost an obligation to do so (even when it's not my party). Sometimes I'd like to let someone else do that.

    Return to my extroverted activities....ha! I've been alone all day. Actually quite nice.
    EXACTLY. That's precisely how I function. Maybe the "introverted extrovert" concept is just an ENFJ thing or something, but I like to keep the balance of social time vs. alone time in proportion. That's mainly because I'm usually having to entertain people and be the talker -- which I normally do gladly anyway -- and so eventually I get burned out. Contrary to popular belief, extroverts don't have a limitless supply of outward energy.

  10. #20
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Hmm. Actually, reading this thread, (and just coming from the 'differences between introverts and extroverts' thread) it seems to me that one of the main differences between E's and I's is the amount of involvement towards your surroundings when you're interacting with others. (Or perhaps in general?) I's seem to be a great deal more in tune and perceptive - they fully recieve all the information being cast at them... hence why dealing with a lot of people at once is overwhelming.

    On the other hand, the E's just skim over the top, so to speak - somewhat mentally detatched from the situation, they just don't absorb as much information, so they require something much more intense to feel as invigorated and involved? This might also be along the lines of why I's have a few very close friends, wheras E's have many aquaintances. The level of involvement varies. Though both types seem to need some alone time to regroup.

    Personally, I spend a lot more time alone than you would expect an E to, but I think it's that whole 'introvert-extrovert' thing. I look forward to and enjoy the company of others, whether being a small group or a large one (I'm equally comfortable), but I don't necessarily need the stimulation.

    Although, on second thought,

    The company energizes me. The more positive interaction occurs, the more engaged, hyper, and outgoing I become. Before I am engaged in a conversation/activity with someone, I kind of stay dormant and remain inside my mind, keeping mild awareness on the rest of the world. However, the slightest positive acknowledgement of my existence or sign of willingness to reciprocate socially that I notice on the part of others sets me off immediately, and the fog of dullness that gathered outside of me since the last interaction lifts and I become recharged again.
    ... This quote in particular struck me... it sounds pretty accurate. I actually tend to forget how recharged I feel in great, free-flowing conversation when I spend too much time by myself.

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