User Tag List

12311 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 131

  1. #1
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default Fear of Rejection

    Iím particularly interested in NTs perspectives but anyone can chip in.

    I'm wondering how big of a role fear of rejection plays in your relationships and what it stems from. NTs are notorious for withholding their deeper feelings from others and can take a long time to truly open up but shut down in a matter of seconds if the other persons reaction is unexpected or unwanted.

    So what does it take for someone to get you to open up? What role does fear of rejection play in your relationships (not just romantic ones)? And how is this linked to your self image?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6
    Posts
    598

    Default

    I dunno, I'm not sure if I fear rejection as much as I fear failure. I think the difference is that with fear of rejection, you care about the other person's reaction, whereas with fear of failure, it's myself that I'm trying to succeed with. If I fail to connect with someone that I wanted to, I make a much bigger deal out of it than I should and beat myself up and such.

    That said, rejection DOES suck, and I tend to try and combat it with preemptive strikes (cutting the person off before they can cut me off), which is unhealthy in itself.

    What does it take to get me to open me up? Someone who demonstrates that they aren't as judgmental as I am I guess, heh.

  3. #3
    Member Gengar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    71

    Default

    Well. . . I'm an NF.

    In the old days, before I start liking a girl, I subconciously do some risk assessment; as in I try to calculate what my chances are of acception (not empirically of course). If the chances are too low, I'd just drop her and stop myself from liking her.

    My justification: The results (as I would tell myself conciously) would be disastrous even if we did go out together. I'd say something like "The reason why your chances are so low is because you guys don't really match. Given that, any serious relationship in the long run can only be a bad one. Alternatively, you might also rejected, which doesn't feel nice. So it's a lose lose situation."

    But if my risk assessment said that I had high chances of getting her, then I normally have no problems with rejection. At that point, rejection is like a needle. Before it pierces your skin, you psychologically think about how much it hurts. But once it actually stings, it doesn't really feel that bad. I've been rejected twice, and both times it wasn't THAT painful. But then again, this might depend a lot on the actual person themselves.

    Hope this helps

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Rejection is failure, to me. (In my irrational mind.) I really like most people, so it hurts when they don't like me back.

    I go out of my way to avoid people. I especially do it with guys I have crushes on, but also with anyone who I have friend-crushes on. I'm just ultra-intimidated by soooo many people. I don't know why I put people on pedestals. Maybe because I think everyone is interesting (and I think I'm boring), so the people who are really interesting to me just blow my mind. Avoiding these kinds of people gives them no chance to reject me. I feel like I miss out on a lot because of this...

    It usually takes me FOREVER to open up to people. It drives me absolutely insane, because I know this is a habit of mine, but I can't seem to break it. Forcing the process along just burns me out. There are some people I open up to really fast, because we just "click", but that doesn't happen often. And none of these people have been male.

    I also have a pretty fun cycle I put myself through. Lately, I've been feeling pretty good, and I've been pretty damn outgoing for an introvert. But, the inevitable will happen: I'll do something awkward, someone will display a negative reaction, I'll blow it out of proportion in my head, and then I'll withdraw again for a couple of weeks/months. FML.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    332

    Default

    I really do hate rejection. It's such a long progress within myself to shuffle through feelings, observe the situation, then put myself out there. It's makes it almost not worth the battle when I know in the end it's not going to end well. I usually end up sabotaging myself from the start. If I do decide to put myself out there, it's usually because I've read some kind of signal that it will be well recieved.

    I think people just assume that everyone should find it easy to put themselves out there. It's just not an easy thing for everyone. It takes a lot of intense introspection on my part to halfway feel like I might be able to open my mouth and say the words. I feel my emotions so intensely within and the backlash of a rejection just makes it that much harder.

  6. #6
    deleted
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,946

    Default

    I mostly fear self-rejection. There's no way I could be rejected by everyone anyway. I have no need to impress anyone. It's worth it when someone can see me for who I am, and that usually means they're smarter than the average joe.

  7. #7
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    LII
    Posts
    2,320

    Default

    I desire intimacy, and yet simultaneously fear trying to attain it. Why? Not quite sure honestly. It may be a fear of rejection, though I think it's slightly different. When I reveal myself, I make myself vulnerable. I have a vague fear of what they will do. I actually think it's maybe a social fear. Fear for my social image, maybe? Perhaps related to inferior Fe. Perhaps related to 5 types desire for competence. If you try something and fail, then you have shown yourself to be incompetent.

    So I'm not really sure.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Right off the bat, I can't really think of anything to say. I don't think fear of rejection is much of a problem for me. Let me think further.

    Looking back, I haven't experienced a great deal of rejection in my lifetime. That's probably why I'm not that afraid of it. The number of people who've accepted me has always, by far, outnumbered the number of people who haven't. It's possible that I'm just being too optimistic and naive about that fact, but I don't think so. Even if I was, at least I'm happy with my level of acceptance!

    I'm usually pretty open with people right away unless it doesn't make sense to be that way. I speak of myself objectively, so even if I share the most intimate details, it usually doesn't feel personal to me. If it does feel personal, I keep going anyway. I like to be real first - and then deal with the consequences. If I ever do feel a bit of fear, I just become more cautious, but I still stay real and still keep on moving forward. I really can't be that afraid of what one person will think. If I a little timid, the more I share, the better I feel about it, because it's much easier to be rejected because of who I am than it is to be rejected because of a misinterpretation.

    I can be sensitive about things, but I usually just deal with those issues if they come up. I either rationalize it in my head and move on or I deal with the matter externally without becoming too moved by it.

    I can love all people and be completely open with them, but it may take a year before I actually feel close to them. That's probably just because I'm independent and don't form attachments easily. For romantic relationships, I know who I am and I'm pretty cool with it. If a person left me because of who I am, it wouldn't really change my opinion of myself. I would, however, examine why they left me because I can still always be better. Maybe they've given me a departing gift by telling me something I didn't realize about myself.

    However, if there is some more to this fear of rejection stuff within myself, I'd love to discover it. If I'm only fooling myself, or missing something important, that would be cool, because that would mean I have more opportunities hidden away still.

    In general, though, I'd say if I ever have fears of rejection, they are smaller than my desire to connect with people, explore new territory, and challenge myself, so the fear never stops me from moving forward.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  9. #9
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    LII
    Posts
    2,320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    Looking back, I haven't experienced a great deal of rejection in my lifetime. That's probably why I'm not that afraid of it. The number of people who've accepted me has always, by far, outnumbered the number of people who haven't. It's possible that I'm just being too optimistic and naive about that fact, but I don't think so. Even if I was, at least I'm happy with my level of acceptance!
    True somewhat for me. Also it's ironic how (at least in my experience and my reading) those who fear rejection the most are the ones who get rejected the most. A self-fulfilling prophecy. When I go out of my way to meet people and talk to them, they usually end up liking me. When I don't, then they are more likely to attribute negative qualities to me.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  10. #10
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    I have an intense fear of rejection. It makes it very hard for me to trust and open up, and I never notice how closed/distant I've been until the second I actually end things. That second, I suddenly rush back into my body and feel like myself, joking, being happy, and actually creating intimacy. Normally, I am too depersonalized to make a connection.

    Who do I bond with? People who are kind and secure. Kindness is more important. People who are secure and at ease are people who effortlessly flow from one moment to the next. They can lead the conversation and also relax. Then can also be silly and laugh at themselves. It also really helps when the person is good at putting awkward moments back on track to avoid what I call "role confusion" after a rupture in the relationship.

    Cheers, big ears!

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTP and Fear of Rejection
    By greenfairy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 01:09 AM
  2. [NF] Sensitivity and fear of rejection in foruming. Anyone else?
    By souffle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 12-10-2009, 09:44 PM
  3. fear of being center of attention
    By prplchknz in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 09-13-2008, 07:50 PM
  4. What underlies the fear of rejection?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-25-2008, 01:08 AM
  5. [ENFP] ENFP: Lack of Fear of Germs?
    By Usehername in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 01-16-2008, 11:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO