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  1. #81
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    don't fear rejection guys
    you're only delaying the inevitable :rolli:

  2. #82
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    I'm afraid of rejection to the point that I can barely function on a social level. What makes me so afraid is self-criticism. I keep comparing myself to the person I wish I was, and the contrast highlights my shortcomings. When I look all of those flaws, I feel that people will judge and dislike me, and so I cut myself off from them even as I wish I could open up.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  3. #83
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    The weird thing is that when I "pretend I'm acceptable" and interact as if I am, a funny thing happens -- I see acceptance in people's eyes.

    Maybe not enough to dispel all the misgivings, but enough to let me know a lot of it's in my head. Which sounds crazy.... but really, the worst enemy is self.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #84
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    The weird thing is that when I "pretend I'm acceptable" and interact as if I am, a funny thing happens -- I see acceptance in people's eyes.

    Maybe not enough to dispel all the misgivings, but enough to let me know a lot of it's in my head. Which sounds crazy.... but really, the worst enemy is self.
    It's interesting that you say the worst enemy is the self. It's gotten to the point for me where I don't even have a self around other people. My mind goes blank, and I have nothing to say even if I wanted to say it. I've trained myself for so long to vanish, that I've finally learned to do it.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  5. #85
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I think it relates to risk? The higher the stakes, the higher odds are that we fear rejection?

    A person can jump cliffs to go hang gliding, jump out of planes, but sometimes, the more we crush on someone or something, the more likely we will get crushed?

    I think when we associate certain things with a higher emotional involvement, it's natural to feel apprehensive, bc the outcome we likely want to see is a "yes" ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE kind of outcome.

    I think it has to do with a sense of 'control' (having control of our own lives, situation, and whatever consequences may play out).. Maybe the best thing to do is to detach ourselves from whatever it is that inhibits us so that we can feel more comfortable? I know. Talk is cheap. I wish there was an easy answer. Nike had a great slogan: "Just Do It."

  6. #86
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    The weird thing is that when I "pretend I'm acceptable" and interact as if I am, a funny thing happens -- I see acceptance in people's eyes.

    Maybe not enough to dispel all the misgivings, but enough to let me know a lot of it's in my head. Which sounds crazy.... but really, the worst enemy is self.
    I SO agree with this!!

    It really is true.

  7. #87
    violaine
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    I've only experienced it in romantic relationships. It takes time but I typically really open up to the person I am dating. I am quite guarded with most other people.

    I can be very shy about it (and it takes some time) but I've always been compelled to express my feelings for someone. I can't let myself 'off the hook'. I developed an awful fear of rejection after a bruising relationship a few years ago. It was very affecting and alien, like I kind of lost control of who I really was for a while.

    I feel back to normal now. Above everything, I just cannot stand the idea of missing out on someone/something because of my own apprehensions.

  8. #88
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    ^

    Are you trying to dispel the stereotype that Sensors are observant?
    Bah, got too caught up in the discussion.

    In my defence:
    Im particularly interested in NTs perspectives but anyone can chip in.


  9. #89
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nunki View Post
    It's interesting that you say the worst enemy is the self. It's gotten to the point for me where I don't even have a self around other people. My mind goes blank, and I have nothing to say even if I wanted to say it. I've trained myself for so long to vanish, that I've finally learned to do it.
    I think I spent the first 16 years of my life in this place. It is quiet there.

  10. #90
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I *have* experienced a truly ridiculous and consistent amount of rejection over the course of my life, so it was more than a fear or possibility. I dealt with it by standing there and taking it right in the face, and then crawling off somewhere and crying until I couldn't cry anymore.

    People felt the need to "put [me] in [my] place". I never knew why. I was really very obedient and avoided conflict unless I was dragged into one. Someone would take one look at me, and suddenly want to start a land war. I mean teachers, principals, peers, strangers. I remember once in my hellhole of a school, this one awful guy (he went to prison ultimately, surprise surprise) told me just out of nowhere that X was so much better than me, would always be, and would always have more friends than me. She stood there laughing like he'd just said something adorable. (I hated her too.) They did that to several people. I knew exactly how to take that girl down, and take her down hard, but I never did. Nothing worse than a bully who's playing the martyr.

    What's strange is that when I was dealing with someone I *really* cared about, I wouldn't flinch. They could lose it and I'd just stand there. It was like hearing bullets flying past and not moving. Like go ahead and frikkin' fire away, I mean it, I'm not budging. You're gonna run out of ammo and then I'm coming over the wall...

    I remember talking to an ENTP friend of mine, we were close and still are. He was really jacked up about something and playing off a lot of pain with jokes. He wouldn't meet my eyes, kept shifting around. I could tell he was really being eaten up. I finally wound up grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket and forcing him to look at me. Stop that tough talk... It was excruciating for both of us, but after a second, he calmed and was able to tell me what was wrong. He wasn't flopping around on the ground like a wounded bird anymore.

    I find way more difficulty in "digging out" a trapped NF than an NT. Other NFs know how to cover their trail with me.

    Rejection is hard to take. I remember each time what a stinging slap it can feel like. I try to be mindful not to step on people if I'm telling them no.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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