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  1. #61
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    I may not be an NT, but I'll answer this anyway. For me, rejection hurts not because the other person rejected me but instead because I set certain standards for myself and when I don't meet those, I become upset with myself. Basically it's almost a perfectionist philosophy, even though I wouldn't say I am one. But at times, I feel like I want to do everything better than everyone else. You can see how this can cause stress.

  2. #62
    I am Sofa King!!! kendoiwan's Avatar
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    I just find it safer to expect the worst, as I get disappointed less that way.

    Wise man say "There is no fear when one expects to be betrayed. What's truly terrifying is when betrayal is unexpected"
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1161526

    "They the type of cats who pollute the whole shoreline. Have it purified. Sell it for a $1.25"

  3. #63
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    I think (hehe, sometimes I try) there may be some type dependency here. Do you really want to try and out think it? I can out think it and saveguard against it but if I do so I also safeguard against the potential happiness as well. It's not one or the other, they go hand in hand. It seems to be like a two way tunnel. But again this may be an enfp or maybe just a puppy thing...
    I don't have to safeguard against it. I honestly don't feel it. I'm not afraid of being rejected. I've experienced just about every kind of rejection going and it's not such a big deal to me. In fact, I prefer to push people to reject me then for me to have to reject them. Because I know most people can't deal as well as I can with it. I identify much more with what FMW was saying about fear of acceptance. I really don't like to fit in.
    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    It's pretty interesting, I agree. I think blue likes to keep people at a distance because that's where she can play with them. She needs a degree of anonymity in order for her humor to work effectively, because it involves a lot of teasing, which sometimes gets expressed as debating (same resistant "energy"). Victor, on the other hand, is more sensitive and derives more enjoyment from feeling close to people. So one pushes while the other one pulls and their relationship remains unstably stable.
    Cheers, doc.
    I play with people who know me intimately too. Victor alienates people with his weird, self-indulgent digressions. Who is he close to on this board?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #64
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Hey Jennifer! I agree with you that many T/F folks get along fine with one and other, but must admit there are times when it doesn't go so good.

    I have been called an "overly analytical selfish bastard" for responding to an F's questions in my default T manner. I take the abstract, break it into pieces, rank order them, and then decipher the details of each. I don't mean any harm by it, but Jee-Whiz it pisses some F folks off!

    Part of this could be S/N differences too though, the part about going from abstract to detail...
    Oh, definitely, there can be issues. I think I still have some scars from various T/F skirmishes over the years.

    I just think some of the issues here stem from other things.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    It caused me to sabotage myself. I would do things to make people reject me. In my opinion, I did it so I could be in control of the rejection... because of the intense fear of the pain of rejection... Since I was so sure I was going to be rejected eventually, I wanted to at least be in control of when I got rejected. Stupid... when you think about it. But even though I KNEW... AT THE TIME... that I was sabotaging myself, I couldn't stop myself.
    I identify with that a lot.

    With me, it was that it was the ambiguity that was freaking me out. I was tired of investing in an unknown quantity and constantly being afraid they would one day dump me as soon as I did or said the wrong thing.

    So i felt a strong compulsion to just shove on them as hard as I could and be completely exposed, so then they'd be pushed into the spot of either dumping me or sticking to me, and then I'd KNOW... and the fear could go away and I could either let them go and move on or finally know they really loved me and trust them.

    Someone who would love me unconditionally,
    and not let me push them away,
    would earn their way to my "eternally devoted to you" list.
    Yup, when I yelled, "GO AWAY" I really meant, "please, don't leave me."
    Screwed up, but that's what it is.

    And yes, when I've vetted someone and I know they love me, I am fiercely loyal to them.
    I don't take such things for granted.

    I never need someone to FIX my problems.
    I already know what to do... usually.
    I need someone to validate my feelings.
    Yup. I usually can figure out what to do all on my own.
    I just want to heard... and loved.
    To know I'm not actually as loathsome as I've felt sometimes.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #65
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    I'm writing this with a small to moderate level of bile/adrenaline that came out of nowhere at the first tap of the keyboard while writing this post. The reason for this could be immature Fe but i'm leanin on 5w4. I'm seeing simularities between bluemonday and myself. I am also well aware of our history.

    So if i may.....Hi bleumonday
    Last edited by professor goodstain; 04-15-2009 at 03:26 PM. Reason: ambiguousness
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  6. #66
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Completely unrelated to the topic at hand. I find it unsual that most of the poster on this topic have been NTs so far. Where are the feelers? I'm sure this fear ties in much more easily and has a larger impact on actions.

    Fear of Rejection plays a large part in my life, to the extent where I'm crippled by it. Intellectually I understand this, emotionally I can't get my head around it.

  7. #67
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^
    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Im particularly interested in NTs perspectives
    Are you trying to dispel the stereotype that Sensors are observant?
    Last edited by Salomé; 04-15-2009 at 04:29 PM. Reason: I spelt dispel as dispell, ha. I do amuse myself.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #68
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Oh, it honestly depends. Rejection itself isn't so bad; it's the wondering stage of "so are we good, or are you making fun of me" that sucks. My closest friends have had a short stage of that--so short that it never bothered me. But people who hold off on being honest with me make me nervous, and there's less chance that we'll become good friends. I'm not good at superficial conversation.

    ...I think this answers the OP? Maybe?
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

    My thoughts on...
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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  9. #69
    Senior Member matmos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    Oh, it honestly depends. Rejection itself isn't so bad
    Exactly. Why worry? What's to be gained by bickering. I'm intrigued anyone has the time. You're a long time dead.

  10. #70
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    Wow, normally a lot of people know when I consider a girl - and the girl knows it, herself. I prefer talking to the girl before considering engagement, so basically I have little to fear out of rejection - the namesake, perhaps.

    ... I'm more interested in how it goes 'when' we're in a relationship.

    I feel girls (or women) generally know how much they want out of a guy before determining to reject him, so there's no point in validating a rejection when a discussion hasn't taken place prior to it. That's the way I see it.

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