User Tag List

First 45678 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 131

  1. #51
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Precisely what I was getting at. That part in #1 that is a bit off, may just seem a bit off to us because we can't identify with the "F" part of it. I'm sure he feels a lot of our (collectively) statements are also a bit off and he takes issue with it - by way of emotional hurt.

    I'm sure you two are already far gone, since you've already said that you don't care. I just want to know if there's anything I personally can do in the future to avoid situations like this without compromising who I am, and who the other person is. I don't expect you or anyone else to have an actual answer or plan of action. Like I said, it just sparked my curiosity because your conversation felt so familiar to me. Perhaps I should have started a new thread...
    To say someone who fears rejection, (in a thread where a lot of people have confessed to that fear) has bad character, is off according to any standard, I would suggest.

    Actually, Victor isn't an NF. He's a self-confessed INTP, though he doesn't believe in any of this MBTI rubbish and is here to show us the error of our ways.
    Too far gone? Not from my perspective, the strongest emotion he has ever raised in me is frustration, and I don't even feel that anymore, because I understand the pattern and can see where it's heading. Discovering patterns is what interests me most. It's why I'm still here. And I value Victor's contribution, more than most posters, in fact.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #52
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Lots of T and F people get along just fine.

    I think when one is obsessed with maintaining a particular style and image or portraying oneself a certain way, communication goes out the window. People from different persuasions get along because they speak for the benefit of the listener, not for the benefit of themselves.
    Hey Jennifer! I agree with you that many T/F folks get along fine with one and other, but must admit there are times when it doesn't go so good.

    I have been called an "overly analytical selfish bastard" for responding to an F's questions in my default T manner. I take the abstract, break it into pieces, rank order them, and then decipher the details of each. I don't mean any harm by it, but Jee-Whiz it pisses some F folks off!

    Part of this could be S/N differences too though, the part about going from abstract to detail...

    Cheers!

  3. #53
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    My questions are: Do you think it's even possible for a T type to identify each and every feeling that could potentially be under the surface, in order to communicate with an F type? Is it even possible for an F type to take a more detached stance in order to communicate effectively? Basically, is fighting your basic nature a positive or negative step? Do we really have to become each other in order to understand each other?
    I don not think this is always possible. Maybe best to leave it at an understanding that you are most likely misunderstanding what they are actually intending to say and build in a certain forgiveness level automatically.

    If you make the assumption they are communicating the same way you are, then the message may make the entirely wrong statement when perceived. Not that I know anyone who has done that lately...

    This is so much easier in person when accompanied by visual cues.

  4. #54
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    It's not the same thing. Fear of intimacy is tied up with fear of losing autonomy, of losing identity, of shutting off other options, of being exposed.
    Fear of rejection is more primitive, as Victor has suggested, it stems from a survival mechanism. You can outthink it.
    I think (hehe, sometimes I try) there may be some type dependency here. Do you really want to try and out think it? I can out think it and saveguard against it but if I do so I also safeguard against the potential happiness as well. It's not one or the other, they go hand in hand. It seems to be like a two way tunnel. But again this may be an enfp or maybe just a puppy thing...

  5. #55
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    This is so much easier in person when accompanied by visual cues.
    It's funny you say that about visual cues... Don't know if this applies to all NFs, but the ENFPs that I know always have problems with the way I express myself in writing, because they can't understand my tone. They always want to have a face to face meeting with me. Whereas, I find there is no room for error or histrionics in the written word. (No offense to any ENFPs - it's just my perception of what hystrionics are, the same way my words are perceived in your minds as "mean" or "cold" when I think I'm being "clear" and "straightforward".)

    I generally get uncomfortable when anticipating a meeting with an ENFP about a serious matter face to face. It actually causes me a lot of anxiety because I (rightfully) assume that next next hour or 2 of my life will be spent on an emotional rollercoaster. It really affects me and I always walk into the meeting already on the defensive and I put a wall up.

    (also puppy, I read what u wrote and will respond once I have more time to absorb it...)

  6. #56
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    It's funny you say that about visual cues... Don't know if this applies to all NFs, but the ENFPs that I know always have problems with the way I express myself in writing, because they can't understand my tone. They always want to have a face to face meeting with me. Whereas, I find there is no room for error or histrionics in the written word. (No offense to any ENFPs - it's just my perception of what hystrionics are, the same way my words are perceived in your minds as "mean" or "cold" when I think I'm being "clear" and "straightforward".)

    I generally get uncomfortable when anticipating a meeting with an ENFP about a serious matter face to face. It actually causes me a lot of anxiety because I (rightfully) assume that next next hour or 2 of my life will be spent on an emotional rollercoaster. It really affects me and I always walk into the meeting already on the defensive and I put a wall up.

    (also puppy, I read what u wrote and will respond once I have more time to absorb it...)
    this is where type can be handy, as the same words from an INTP and a an ENFJ mean two drastically different things. My customers are almost exclusively NTs, bout 40% INTP/40% ENTP and 10% INTJ. The emails can be quite to the point sometimes.

    Notice all the extra words and conditional statements an enfp will throw in, as well as emoticon things. This drives my entp buddy nuts. She's like, why dont you just say what you want to say. (It also takes us like ten minutes to say goodbye on the phone)

    (think on it but please give critical feedback-also note I am trying work towards describing entp#1 who is a total nutter, so take w grain of salt)

  7. #57
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I was just curious why it's so difficult between you two
    It's pretty interesting, I agree. I think blue likes to keep people at a distance because that's where she can play with them. She needs a degree of anonymity in order for her humor to work effectively, because it involves a lot of teasing, which sometimes gets expressed as debating (same resistant "energy"). Victor, on the other hand, is more sensitive and derives more enjoyment from feeling close to people. So one pushes while the other one pulls and their relationship remains unstably stable.

  8. #58
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    Notice all the extra words and conditional statements an enfp will throw in, as well as emoticon things. This drives my entp buddy nuts. She's like, why dont you just say what you want to say. (It also takes us like ten minutes to say goodbye on the phone)
    The phone thing drives me nuts. When I say I have to go, that means I have to motherf'n go!!! Arrrgghh... And after about my first week on this board, I learned very quickly to use emoticons, against my own personal comfort zone. It feels fake and unnatural to me, but I do it so as not to offend.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    So one pushes while the other one pulls and their relationship remains unstably stable.
    Very observant, you are.

  9. #59
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,349

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Im particularly interested in NTs perspectives but anyone can chip in.

    I'm wondering how big of a role fear of rejection plays in your relationships and what it stems from. NTs are notorious for withholding their deeper feelings from others and can take a long time to truly open up but shut down in a matter of seconds if the other persons reaction is unexpected or unwanted.

    So what does it take for someone to get you to open up? What role does fear of rejection play in your relationships (not just romantic ones)? And how is this linked to your self image?
    I used to be entirely consumed by fear of rejection.
    In my opinion, it is directly connected to self-image/self-esteem... mine was very low.

    It caused me to sabotage myself. I would do things to make people reject me. In my opinion, I did it so I could be in control of the rejection... because of the intense fear of the pain of rejection...
    Since I was so sure I was going to be rejected eventually, I wanted to at least be in control of when I got rejected. Stupid... when you think about it. But even though I KNEW... AT THE TIME... that I was sabotaging myself, I couldn't stop myself.

    Someone who would love me unconditionally,
    and not let me push them away,
    would earn their way to my "eternally devoted to you" list.

    What I need to get me to open up is someone who will quietly and patiently wait for me to talk.
    It takes a few minutes for my feelings to surface.
    Asking questions can help, too.
    Empathy is really helpful.
    I never need someone to FIX my problems.
    I already know what to do... usually.
    I need someone to validate my feelings.

  10. #60
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    The phone thing drives me nuts. When I say I have to go, that means I have to motherf'n go!!! Arrrgghh... And after about my first week on this board, I learned very quickly to use emoticons, against my own personal comfort zone. It feels fake and unnatural to me, but I do it so as not to offend.



    .
    Not to chunk my comrades under the bus, but how many enfps can you actually tolerate at the same time? I work with one-that's it. she drives me crazy. she is so sensitive (such irony) and our Fi's do not agree on what the most idealistic answer is.


    Um, rejection, yes, the point of the thread......

    Sometimes do you find that fear of rejection sneaks up on you and prevents from doing something on a subtle unconcious level or are you always aware of it's effects?

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTP and Fear of Rejection
    By greenfairy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 01:09 AM
  2. [NF] Sensitivity and fear of rejection in foruming. Anyone else?
    By souffle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 12-10-2009, 09:44 PM
  3. fear of being center of attention
    By prplchknz in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 09-13-2008, 07:50 PM
  4. What underlies the fear of rejection?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-25-2008, 01:08 AM
  5. [ENFP] ENFP: Lack of Fear of Germs?
    By Usehername in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 01-16-2008, 11:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO