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  1. #31
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    But what about the unrealised fear? Actual rejection is quite different to an irrational fear.
    All feelings are irrational. So fear is necessarily irrational.

    However if you allow yourself to feel any feeling it will pass and transform into another feeling.

    And after you have fully felt the feeling, then it is time to think about it and understand it.

  2. #32
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    So to call someone judgemental is simply emotional blackmail.

    It is no more than calling the judge, mental.
    If the cap fits....
    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    It is simply an insult.
    Whereas calling someone "bad" is a compliment, I'm supposing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    You can also just feel the fear.

    No emotion lasts forever, so if you allow yourself to feel it, it will transform into another feeling.

    But if you block it, it will be continually trying to express itself, and so not give any other feeling a chance.
    Don't believe in irrational fears. Fear makes one ineffective. I prefer to think.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    But what about the unrealised fear? Actual rejection is quite different to an irrational fear.
    QFT

    EDIT
    Quote Originally Posted by Victor
    All feelings are irrational. So fear is necessarily irrational.
    Some fear has an entirely rational basis.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #33
    We all got it comin' kid Delilah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I find I spend too much time worrying about being everything to everyone out of fear of rejection that I'm rarely myself as a result. It's not that I'm fake, just always on guard, ready to bolt.


    Rejection and fear of failure, I have been spinning my reasoning behind those fears a lot lately. The problem for me now, is how to break out of it.
    I have already made my case to myself, on why the fear is reasonable and why it is a good idea to keep nearly all humans at arms length (or further) and every argument to the contrary has already been dismissed.
    I just don't see the logical upside for changing my ways. All the arguments about "feeling good" and "being happy" and "opening up" sounds like a bunch of hippy voodoo to me.
    *clinging to my face like a starfish of love* ....... PinkPiranha

  4. #34
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    If the cap fits....

    Whereas calling someone "bad" is a compliment, I'm supposing?
    I don't know why we have to continually keep on fighting Blue.

    I don't actually believe your pugnacity.

    So why keep trotting it out to me?

    It seems to me that your pugnacity is to hide something vulnerable within yourself.

    So the next time you feel like being pugnacious with me, just pause and ask yourself what is your most vulnerable feeling.

    And then tell me.

    And in return, I will tell you my vulnerable feeling.

    So in this way we will transform a vicious circle into a virtuous circle.

  5. #35
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^ :rolli:
    I'm not fighting. I'm debating. I do that when someone is wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    ^ :rolli:
    I'm not fighting. I'm debating. I do that when someone is wrong.
    Well, let me take another tack -

    When you tell me I am wrong, I feel hurt.

    And when I feel hurt, my first impulse is to hurt back.

    This of course sets up a vicious cycle.

    And I would prefer not to be in a vicious cycle with you. I would prefer to be in a virtuous circle with you.

    How do you think we might do this?

  7. #37
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Well, let me take another tack -

    When you tell me I am wrong, I feel hurt.

    And when I feel hurt, my first impulse is to hurt back.

    This of course sets up a vicious cycle.

    And I would prefer not to be in a vicious cycle with you. I would prefer to be in a virtuous circle with you.

    How do you think we might do this?
    That's 'cos you're an NF. And you fear rejection and crave affirmation from women.

    I don't know how to help you with that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    That's 'cos you're an NF. And you fear rejection and crave affirmation from women.

    I don't know how to help you with that.
    Well, you have got me snookered.

    No matter what I suggest you come back with the same negativity.

    Negativity is fine in its place, but when it is compulsive, it becomes tiresome.

    You are now quite out of my reach.

  9. #39
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Well, you have got me snookered.

    No matter what I suggest you come back with the same negativity.

    Negativity is fine in its place, but when it is compulsive, it becomes tiresome.

    You are now quite out of my reach.
    Honey, it was always thus.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #40
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I'm wondering how big of a role fear of rejection plays in your relationships and what it stems from.
    I have no fear as such, if I get rejected by someone I care about in some capacity, then it surely doesn't feel good, and I don't like it, but I do not place fear of potential/future rejection at the front end of my decisions as to how to interact with people. I get over things quickly, I always have, my Mother hated it that I was so forgiving. I do learn from my mistakes though, and if rejection occurrs and is hurtful, I hold the other person accountable for their actions and will not give them the same place in my life until they have apologized, demonstrated sincere regret, and make an effort to earn my trust back over time. People fuck up, I have before and been forgiven and it was a huge relief, but there is a right way to do it, and you can't let people walk all over you. Sometimes you have to tell people to fuck off, the effort entailed in restoring things is too great and too much a bother, but you don't know until you try to figure all that out. Life can be very hard sometimes in this capacity, and the people that can hurt you most are those that are closest to you. What a cluster fuck!

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    NTs are notorious for withholding their deeper feelings from others and can take a long time to truly open up but shut down in a matter of seconds if the other persons reaction is unexpected or unwanted.
    SPs are not, but we are human and can get miffed if treated the wrong way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    So what does it take for someone to get you to open up?
    I open up a good bit on my own, just out of being me, but I do of course hold back my important personal details until a good amount of trust is established. For them to demonstrate to me that they like me, appreciate me, understand me, and accept me as I am, that will get me to open up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    What role does fear of rejection play in your relationships (not just romantic ones)?
    None. I set out to do what I need to, if rejection happens I move on. Don't like my idea? Your loss. Don't want to go to the prom with me? Your loss. I have high self esteem, and I know what I have to offer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    And how is this linked to your self image?
    Self image = I'm good to go!

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