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  1. #11
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I have an intense fear of rejection. It makes it very hard for me to trust and open up, and I never notice how closed/distant I've been until the second I actually end things. That second, I suddenly rush back into my body and feel like myself, joking, being happy, and actually creating intimacy. Normally, I am too depersonalized to make a connection.

    Who do I bond with? People who are kind and secure. Kindness is more important. People who are secure and at ease are people who effortlessly flow from one moment to the next. They can lead the conversation and also relax. Then can also be silly and laugh at themselves. It also really helps when the person is good at putting awkward moments back on track to avoid what I call "role confusion" after a rupture in the relationship.

    Cheers, big ears!
    Wow, you sound like me.

  2. #12
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    I don't mind rejection. However, is this possible. As an intuitive a sensor would give me one of those subtle sensor signs if interested. I would still not catch on during this moment of first encounter. If the interest was big enough she would instinctively try different signs until one registered. Time permitting and level of frustration developed in her due to my blindness. It's at this moment of the exact time i catch on and the point at which my blindness enduces enough frustration in her that makes or brakes her response of receptiveness. If she's pissed enough i'll get a "no" and simultaneously think that i initiated the flurtatious introduction through signs. And wonder off stupified. But i've caught the signs through the observation of the consistency of this quick evolution of sign morphology when she attempts to locate what will be receptive to me. Inturn, literally pulling intuition right out of her. That could be where the confidence lies. In our own method of receptiveness. This also could work the other way around. I could imagine if i was a senser going through the sign morphology until one registered.

    Remember, It is the quick spotting of the quick morphological evolution of sign switcharoo to fit my receptiveness that gives me the signal. If i spot it before it leaves due to enough frustration is when i usually won't be rejected. Thus, i fear not spotting the morphology more than rejection. What was the subject?
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  3. #13
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Hmm....
    I sorta feel like if anyone got to know me well, than they would like me. But I kinda have a fear of being misunderstood. As if people will misinterpret my motivations for doing things. If I invest in someone, I want to be understood, but there is a fear that I won't be, so I don't invest.

    Eh, it's likely a complex combination of a bunch of stuff.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  4. #14
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    I feel like a swirl of awesomeness that surrounds my "self" and my body. No, no, that's the funny/pompous way to put it. More accurately, I end up feeling like I'm in a state of flow, or I go into a separate space that is not myself directly. When I do this, I imagine that the people I'm talking to are doing the same thing, so even if I'm talking about myself, its not weird, because I'm not "me", and the person I'm talking to is not "them". We end up being something entirely new, and in that space, we are one, and it doesn't matter how different our actual separate selves are.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that in my imagination, the two humans are very objective about each other, but the two swirls of awesomeness are very much connected. They are very much flowing together.

    With a lot of people, I connect up with their flow of awesomeness right away. I mean, we're all human and we all have one! But, that doesn't always manifest into something you could observe just by watching the two humans interact.

    The reason I'm sharing this is because in my mind it's not very personal - it's universal, so the connection can still be made. I've never expressed this before so I hope it's not too confusing.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  5. #15
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    I dunno, I'm not sure if I fear rejection as much as I fear failure.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey View Post
    Rejection is failure, to me. (In my irrational mind.)
    Interesting. It's not something I associate with failure, moreso exposure. I'm happy to fail at anything and continue to try it's a fear of reaching out and showing my true self to be rejected that gets to me. Actually being rejected doesn't even bother me so much, more the unfounded thought that I may be.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I have an intense fear of rejection. It makes it very hard for me to trust and open up, and I never notice how closed/distant I've been until the second I actually end things. That second, I suddenly rush back into my body and feel like myself, joking, being happy, and actually creating intimacy. Normally, I am too depersonalized to make a connection.
    Yup. I get that. Sucks don't it! I find I spend too much time worrying about being everything to everyone out of fear of rejection that I'm rarely myself as a result. It's not that I'm fake, just always on guard, ready to bolt.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Wow, you sound like me.
    That's cause he's one of us ENTPs

    I'm wondering how big of a role inferior Fe plays here?

  6. #16
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Actually being rejected doesn't even bother me so much, more the unfounded thought that I may be.
    Indeed. Rejection is actually fairly easy for me to shrug off, but I still have an irrational fear of it anyway.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  7. #17

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    I'm not sure I have a fear of rejection, even though someone observing my behavior would probably say that I do. I think I have a fear of acceptance, as odd as that sounds. I like being able to hold people at arm's length, and if I ever really connected with someone and built a relationship, I would no longer be able to be an island.

    Fear of acceptance and fear of rejection would probably both manifest the same way - withholding feelings, being wary of opening up, shutting down at the drop of a hat.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  8. #18
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I do have a fear of rejection. But it isn't a fear that drives me to anything. It isn't strong enough to stop me from doing something and when I do get rejected I get over it pretty easily.

    I think it's a healthy fear. It's sort of a form of excitement.

  9. #19
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Wow, you sound like me.
    I think it's common for ENTPs to feel depersonalized. In fact, I would guess that anxiety and depersonalization helps them watch the world run and link it up, which might be why they later get classified as NeTi, hence ENTP.

    Just a thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    I'm not sure I have a fear of rejection, even though someone observing my behavior would probably say that I do. I think I have a fear of acceptance, as odd as that sounds. I like being able to hold people at arm's length, and if I ever really connected with someone and built a relationship, I would no longer be able to be an island.

    Fear of acceptance and fear of rejection would probably both manifest the same way - withholding feelings, being wary of opening up, shutting down at the drop of a hat.
    That's interesting. At first I thought that making yourself into an island is a defense mechanism, but I started thinking about it more and I kind of see where you're coming from.

  10. #20
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Iím particularly interested in NTs perspectives but anyone can chip in.

    I'm wondering how big of a role fear of rejection plays in your relationships and what it stems from. NTs are notorious for withholding their deeper feelings from others and can take a long time to truly open up but shut down in a matter of seconds if the other persons reaction is unexpected or unwanted.

    So what does it take for someone to get you to open up? What role does fear of rejection play in your relationships (not just romantic ones)? And how is this linked to your self image?
    Ultimately the NT is not afraid of the rejection of the other person.
    Guilt is not found in the other. It is a home base.

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