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  1. #111
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    When you pretend you are acceptable, you are pretending.

    You are not really acceptable, you are pretending you are acceptable.

    And when you tailor yourself to someone else, quite naturally they will accept you - why wouldn't they?

    Pretence, though, eats away at our authentic self until we are nothing more than an acceptable pretence.

    And before long, the only people who will accept us are the pretentious.

    We recognise each other instantly with a glance or a body movement - we whisper to one another, "You pretend to accept me, and I will pretend to accept you".

    This is called the mutual protection racket.
    Jeez. Could you BE any more depressing!?

    I think I need an injection of rainbows and kittens now.


    More on topic, I think there are a lot of things about me I find unacceptable. I think my sense of humor has been a sticking point lately. So the fear is that not being proficient at certain things makes me a lesser person, undeserving of someone else's love and affection.

    Self-image. I guess there's a dual self-image going on, whenever you find something about yourself to be unacceptable. There's the ideal, which you are not but strive to be, and then there's the real, which you strive to stamp out. You replace the real response with your attempt at the ideal, I guess?

    I relate to a lot of Kelric's post, and I think Jennifer has a point.
    They're running just like you
    For you, and I, wooo
    So people, people, need some good ol' love

  2. #112
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Fear of rejection unfortunately motivates a lot of what I do (or don't do, more appropriately). I fear that I will be unable to perform something (even silly little things), and that upon discovering how inept I am, the people I know will disavow me and throw me off. Like I'm an impostor that will soon be found out...and when I am, I will be put out because my company is worthless and even detrimental to the more competent people that I associate with.

    Yeah, I have some issues to work out...
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #113
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mempy View Post
    Jeez. Could you BE any more depressing!?

    I think I need an injection of rainbows and kittens now.
    To the depressed, everything is depressing.

    And depression serves as poetic justice to those who pretend.

    Depression is so painful we don't even want to experience it - so it seems natural to kill our experience with an injection of 'rainbows and kittens'.

    And if that doesn't work, an injection of heroin will do.

  4. #114
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    You know so little of rainbows or kittens, or love for that matter, Victor, so it's understandable if you say that. Cuddle with a warm affectionate kitty and enjoy the vivid colors of a rainbow--do these things again so they are fresh in your mind--and see if you are not swayed despite yourself, and that you are glad.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  5. #115
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by antireconciler View Post
    You know so little of rainbows or kittens, Victor, so it's understandable if you say that.
    How true,

    Rainbows are just broken sunbeams and kittens are just half cats.

    They are just broken half things.

  6. #116
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    To be honest fear of rejection never made too much sense when it comes to me. But I can see why people have this problem.

    The reason why did not make to much sense is because I look at things somewhat different then others.
    To me it looks that there are only two major outcomes (which have many sub outcomes)
    Perople ether like you or they don't like you and in many cases you can't control this factor (at least not fully). So I simply don't see the point in getting deeply emotional over this.
    Sometime someone will not like you just because of who you are. Ok you don't like me and that is it. Or, I like you but you don't like me. But I like myself and I will not be be bothered if you don't like me.

    It is impossible that everyone will like you so there is not point in getting too excited over this. However that does not mean that you should go around and create conflict wherever it is possible to do so.
    Not to menation that alot of people are moody so one day they will hate you and after two weeks they will fall in love with you.

  7. #117
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    When you pretend you are acceptable, you are pretending.

    You are not really acceptable, you are pretending you are acceptable.

    And when you tailor yourself to someone else, quite naturally they will accept you - why wouldn't they?

    Pretence, though, eats away at our authentic self until we are nothing more than an acceptable pretence.

    And before long, the only people who will accept us are the pretentious.

    We recognise each other instantly with a glance or a body movement - we whisper to one another, "You pretend to accept me, and I will pretend to accept you".

    This is called the mutual protection racket.
    This is quite true and very insightful. This is the result of that "fear". I remember in Junior High, a new girl moved to town and my best friend hung out with her so much that I thought I was being thrown to the wayside. I then tried to adopt that poor girl's mannerisms and style of speech, so my best friend would like me more again. I ended up gaining a lot more friends this way. In order to keep up my fake persona, I had to keep all my new, and what I perceived to be as "empty headed" friends at an arm's length, lest they see my true self and reject me. After I while, I realized that I had lost myself because I was holding myself at an arms length, as well. When I took a step back, I seemed to notice that same pattern in the whole group. Fake laughter, pretend personas, never expressing true emotion, groupthink - pretension. This all came from fear of rejection. Never again.

  8. #118
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Rainbows are just broken sunbeams and kittens are just half cats.

    They are just broken half things.
    ...
    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    To the depressed, everything is depressing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #119
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Gave this some thought and think it's mostly this for me.

    For me it's that I fear not knowing while waiting in suspense for the answer, an answer that has to be given to me, one that I can not force out of someone or find on my own.

    Fear of uncertainty coupled with the knowledge it is out of my own hands to ascertain, rather then the fear of rejection.

  10. #120
    Senior Member norepinephrine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    How true,

    Rainbows are just broken sunbeams and kittens are just half cats.

    They are just broken half things.
    Rainbows are the interaction of light with matter - namely moisture. Both light and moisture are necessary for life.

    And kittens... kittens are not broken - they're on their way to becoming.

    But don't mind me - I'm still awash in oxytocin. I'll get better, probably sooner than later.

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