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  1. #21
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    This isn't really a rant, but a question for people.

    I have incredible, incredible difficulty labeling my feelings and experience, which is somewhat strange because I'm very good at labeling other things (usually abstract) and take joy in it, too. I was seeing a therapist a while back who would occasionally ask me "how do you feel right now?" I had absolutely no idea. The only feelings I can clearly identify are sadness and infatuation which have very distinct psychological and physiological features. The rest I'm terrible at.

    I'm curious about a few things.

    1. Are you naturally aware of how you are feeling throughout the day, or only when you call attention to it?
    2. When you do call attention to it, can you identify what your feeling? How good are you discriminating between different feelings? How many different feelings (or shades of feelings) can you identify?
    3. How would you go about improving your ability to identify your feelings?
    Edahn, I am exactly like you when it comes to feelings!
    I don't know either... unless it's quite profound for some reason.

    I'm not that good at being in touch with my feelings, or naming them.
    I really love it when someone is patient enough to ask me questions and
    let me talk until I can get in touch with what I'm feeling.
    If I'm feeling bad, but I don't know why, it usually takes about ten minutes to figure out why.

    I love people like Jennifer who can name the feelings I'm feeling.

    I was under the impression that it's the fault of Tertiary Fi that I am so out of touch with my feelings.

  2. #22
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    If I'm not feeling any particular emotions one way or another, I don't think I should be expected to have an answer to the "How are you feeling?" question.

    If I try and force out an answer, I just have to take a super vague hint of what might be a feeling or notion, and expound on it until I can use words to describe it, and by then I'm just trying to label things that aren't there.

    So I don't think I'm hiding from emotions. I certainly experience them. I just think that my emotions aren't doing much of anything a lot of the time, so they usually aren't pronounced enough to be made readily apparent to me.
    yea, this.

  3. #23
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I know generally, my feelings don't sneak up on me. But usually I don't even feel like I own my feelings, they're just there. I'm like, oh, Exasperation is here for dinner. Oh, Disappointment wants to go to the movies next weekend. Where's Joy and Elation? I haven't heard from them in a minute!
    That's a really interesting way of looking at it. I can see how that can be pretty beneficial, actually.

    Frustrated>powerless>unappreciated>underrated>disp ensable>trapped
    optionless

    Is this what you mean?
    Wow. I don't even know if that's what I mean. LOL. All I can say is that when I tried to dissect anxiety a while back, I noticed that I experience things more as specific needs or specific fears/images.

  4. #24
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is to listen to their feelings.

    And the greatest curse a parent can give a child is not to listen to their feelings.

    For when a child's feelings are heard, they will be able to listen to their feelings as an adult.

    But if the child's feelings are not heard, they will not be able to listen to their feelings as adults and they will blindly act them out.

    And parents who act out their feelings rather than listen to them, are unable to listen to the feelings of their own child.

    And the child is unable to feel painful feelings or pleasurable feelings.

    And they may turn to drugs or violence or become unfeeling robots.

  5. #25
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I always think that analyzing my feelings more would give me more of a vocabulary of feeling. Similar to schoolwork, if I would just concentrate long enough on how I feel, I would be able to discriminate between the different shades of feelings. I have a sort of dull awareness that something like, say, sadness comes in different flavors and gets tinged frequently by other emotions. I have just never taken the time to find out what those are and analyze the differences between them.
    I do the same thing, but I think analyzing and detaching just takes me even further away from my feelings and leaves me at a loss to explain the feeling I could have sworn I just had, because I effectively rationalized it to death. Maybe it's counterproductive.

  6. #26
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    In which case, you could just say, "I'm conflicted." It's better than, "I don't know."
    For me... "I'm conflicted" might be a lie in some cases.
    I know what feeling conflicted feels like,
    but I wouldn't say that every time I don't know how I feel is it because I'm conflicted.

    For me it's actually a case of "I don't know."
    BUT... if someone wants to wait a minute and let me think about it, I will tell them how I feel.
    It's just that my feelings are not always at the forefront.
    I have to go dig them up... un-bury them, as it were.

  7. #27
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is to listen to their feelings.

    And the greatest curse a parent can give a child is not to listen to their feelings.

    For when a child's feelings are heard, they will be able to listen to their feelings as an adult.

    But if the child's feelings are not heard, they will not be able to listen to their feelings as adults and they will blindly act them out.

    And parents who act out their feelings rather than listen to them, are unable to listen to the feelings of their own child.

    And misery is passed from parent to child.
    Excellent post.

    Why do you think this "For when a child's feelings are heard, they will be able to listen to their feelings as an adult" is true? Because children learn to communicate with and identify their feelings early on?

    Victor, can you identify when you're feeling nothing special, or are you always feeling SOMETHING identifiable?

  8. #28
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    I definitly relate to what you are saying. I find myself to be sort of blank in regards to my immediate environment most of the time. I kind of instinctually act in a certain way towards people or situations. I might, for example, just not like someone but I really have to think it over to understand why. I do think a lot about people and things and try to understand interactions, motivations, etc between myself and them or just the world in general. But I just don't feel a strong emotional attachment to most situations. This has caused me problems in dating. I've been content and therefore happy with someone, yet I don't really express it freely nor do I spend a lot of time trying to get to the root of how I'm feeling while I'm in the moment. I only realize the depth of those feelings, after it's all ended and I've been told that I"m emotionally distant and I'm trying to understand where it all went wrong.

    So I guess in the end, I am a thinking type. I feel, yes, but I don't focus on that unless I go looking for it. More than anything, I just naturally analyze it all, look for connections. I analyze the world around me, just trying to understand how other people think and why they do what they do. I do pick up on other people's feelings much more than my own. I spend quite a bit of effort trying to rationalize it all, maybe because my own feelings are such a mystery.

  9. #29
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I do the same thing, but I think analyzing and detaching just takes me even further away from my feelings and leaves me at a loss to explain the feeling I could have sworn I just had, because I effectively rationalized it to death. Maybe it's counterproductive.
    Yeah, this is exactly what ends up happening. But I really don't know of any other way to be consciously aware of feelings...how does one "realize" what one is feeling but still feel it at the same time? It seems like once the light bulb goes on, the feeling goes away.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  10. #30
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Excellent post.

    Why do you think this "For when a child's feelings are heard, they will be able to listen to their feelings as an adult" is true? Because children learn to communicate with and identify their feelings early on?

    Victor, can you identify when you're feeling nothing special, or are you always feeling SOMETHING identifiable?
    It's more that I am aware of my feelings bubbling within me, but I am constrained sometimes by those around me.

    So my constraint is not an internal one but an external one.

    So this might be a clue to what 'seeing-eye' dog would complement me.

    I have found I have fallen in love with very extroverted socially confident women.

    So my 'seeing-eye' dog would have excellent social skills. And so would be a socially-skilled dog who could alert me to the opportunities and traps in society.

    And unsurprisingly my socially confident lover is usually out of touch with her feelings. So I also act as her seeing-eye dog, only a feeling-eye dog.

    So we both complement one another.

    Until she starts to think I am not socially confident enough and I start to think she is not feeling enough - it's a bit of a merry-go-round.

    But both of us are forgivable because neither of us know what is going on. We just do it instinctively, unknowingly, blindly.

    But with a bit of luck and with a bit of help, we slowly wake up and start to see and feel.

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