I'm not really comfortable with compliments from anyone who doesn't know me, and I'd rather it be relevant to that particular moment. Like if I changed clothes, go ahead n tell me I look good. If I did good work, sure, tell me. If I made you laugh, sure, tell me I'm funny.
But please don't gush and please don't make it entirely out of the blue. It's awkward.
I could add more options to the poll, but I think it kills the prior answers. (Not sure yet.) So y'all would have to vote again.
What, are you just looking for two additional ones:
* My stomach gets squeamish just thinking about it
* What? Did someone compliment me?
Originally Posted by HilbertSpace
Erm, you did use a male orangutan in your profile picture. Maybe there's some confusion there, Dr. Zaius.
Originally Posted by Daphne
Now do you see why I'm insecure?
What I, uh, see is that, uh, you .... *REALLY* need a shave.
Originally Posted by cafe
I think I look like Eliza Jane Wilder from the Little House TV series.
Eliza! I forgot all about her! (btw, have you ever seen Nellie nowadays, or her little clone? And Mrs. Olsen was a real trip.)
I can see why you say it... but you're definitely on up on 'er.
Originally Posted by economica
However, that said, if the guy's agenda happens to be to get the woman to want him, he should keep his opinion of how hot she is to himself. NOT complimenting a pretty woman is a strong move that separates a guy from the pack of her drooling suitors and makes him more challenging in her eyes (which is a good thing - women want men they can't control).
I am conjecturing that some types of women enjoy the comments because those are the type of men they are looking for -- straight, to the point, not a lot of style, pretty simplistic. Other women think it's classy for a guy not to go the overt route and deal with her as a person/mind/whatever first. So they would be extremely unhappy with the other sort of guy... and those guys would probably be disappointed as well in a relationship with such a woman.
I guess it's like self-selection at work, but I guess HS can comment more on that.
"Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"
“Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
If the compliment sounds genuine and impulsive, I appreciate it--even if it sounds sort of funny because the person didn't take the time to think it through.
I often think complimentary things about other people, but there's some filter on my tongue that requires me to think through every darn thing before saying it. By the time it gets past the filter, I've thought of half a dozen reasons why I shouldn't say it, and half a dozen why I should, and I'm frustrated because I wish I could have just said it when it crossed my mind.
When someone blurts out, "What a beautiful blouse!" or "Wow. You have amazing eyes," and it's obvious that they were just saying it because it's what they think and they aren't expecting any particular response from me, then it makes me happy. On the other hand, a compliment from a stranger followed by, "Want to go get coffee?" irritates me for some reason. As though the fact that I have a nice shirt or nice eyes obviously indicates I'd be an enjoyable coffee-companion. I dislike the implication that someone is judging me based on my appearance (even if they're right and it's an effective way to judge people...). On the other hand, if I were in a check out line at a bookstore, and got to chatting with someone about books, and we started sharing thoughts, and then he said, "You have some great ideas. Want to get a cup of coffee and continue the discussion?" I'd probably be flattered.
I don't appreciate flattery with sexual undertones from a stranger. (example: "You look amazing in those jeans.") But it could be very nice from a friend.
As for posting a picture on a forum, I generally don't post one until I'm confortable in the community. There's always the option not to post a pic, but in real life there's hardly the option of being invisible. If I join a forum and post a picture, that's a good indication that I don't mind remarks about my appearance.
I'm wondering if flattery from other women gets run through a different set of filters.
I am much more distrustful of other women because of how I grew up. I can't seem to discard that bias no matter how irrational it may be. My sincerity filter is on the max setting. I wouldn't say that I give flattery to women. I know if I jump the hurdle to give a compliment that for certain you can rest assured that I meant it.
"At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**
Not creeped out (yet, and I love that song, lol), but embarrassed. I think I look like Eliza Jane Wilder from the Little House TV series.
Silly, silly girl. First you have to own a dorky hat and start grimacing all the time. There are only a few similarities I detect in the actual lines of her face. Your cheeks are infinitely better lil chicky doodle. Perhaps Eliza could be transformed into a hot rocket mama? Let me try out a few things on her and then we'll cast the votes.
Originally Posted by HilbertSpace
Yes, I can agree with this. The person standing next to you in Border's saying that you must be smart because of all those books you have would matter significantly less than someone who is themselves quite intelligent (in your estimation) making the same statement based on what you said - so it's both based on the standing of the individual, and what they're using to make their decision.
I generally take any compliment as a nice gesture, but simply a social gesture. It can feel good that someone has good things to say, whatever those be.
It's important to me to not base my own concept of my mind on the approval of others. The mind is proven to be very flawed, mine included. There is some value in not placing importance on subjective measurements of it. That is also why the respect of people more intelligent takes on importance, especially when they have proven themselves to be a more capable judge of things.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY